Moving Forward after all these years...
ack to LJ. I don't know if anyone cares.. Or if anyone uses this anymore, but I think I need it. This might just be my only outlet left over to be free on.
With that said, I won't depress you. I simply just want a little space to live and breathe and try to be alright.
Moving forward...
Here I am; it's been 9 long years; I was in this relationship... I don't even know what to say about it. I think I have said everything that NEEDS to be said about it. I'm exhausted; emotionally, mentally and physically.
I don't really know what to say more about this just this; I don't want to hurt anymore.
I've been working my ass off, I've been living as best I can trying to just be happy and keep other people happy.
I am not happy.
I'm tired. I feel alone. I feel out of place. I feel like - like I don't belong on this planet. I'd never do anything to keep myself from being on this planet; but... I feel out of place and every friend I have made has betrayed me or used me in such a way that I just don't know what else to do; who to turn to, or otherwise.
I don't know what to do with myself lately. I miss the girl I once ways.
I read these blogs from so many years ago and I wonder what happened to her; is she dead? Is she gone?
Has the real world finally swallowed her up and left a skeleton...?
It feels like it - and I have no idea what else to do. I miss that girl; I miss how she loved everyone; how she wanted nothing more than to just realise her dreams and now; all I want to do is sleep all the time and cry. I used to want to hang out with friends but all my friends have disappeared, grown up, grown away, or have betrayed me or used me; and there was nothing else they did...
Sorry if that's depressing...
I'm not sure what else to do, where else to turn... who else to talk to; so I decided to come back here and write...
I wish things were different... I wish I was different. I miss who I used to be...
I can't go back though. Not with everything I know; I can't do anything about anything now; I can only do something about the future. I don't even really remember who I am...