Leah
So...despite everything that happens, I still care about Leah. So, yesterday, I wrote her an email about how I'm feeling about things. As always, I put that in here so that I can look back on how I'm feeling.
Leah~
Hi. It's hardly been a week since we talked, but it seems like forever. My screen saver brings up a lot of memories lately of various people. Today, it was you most of all. I don't really know where to start. Usually I'm good with words and knowing what I want to say. But, this time I truly don't. Except that I never wanted our friendship to end like this. Everyone grows in their own directions especially during college.
I know you don't understand what I am going through because things have changed a lot for me this past year. I know you think I'm a terribly angry person who doesn't sympathize with anyone but myself, but that isn't what things have turned into. Leah, you've not been a birthmother as long as I have. You've not been in a serious relationship as long as I have. And neither of those are meant to be critical or demeaning, theya re just the facts. I love my boyfriend and my daughter. I have grown a lot and it's made me realize what I am truly missing in life. I don't regret that I chose John and Mandy to parent Eden. Simply, I regret the moments that I miss with her. I miss watching her grow up and being a part of her everyday life. Being with Aaron has made me realize where my true dreams lie. It isn't in social work. It is in being a wife and a mother. I would be completely happy to be a stay at home mom. I don't want an expensive life but rather one of love. I love my daughter and Aaron. I love the time that I have with each of them. Yes, I'm beginnning to ramble. But, the point is, I'm struggling with the fact I had the chance to reach one of those dreams. No, it wasn't the right timing, but I am to the point in my life where I realize what truly matters. It isn't a career, but family. That doesn't mean I wouldn't love to help others along the way, but it isn't where my dreams lie anymore.
You know I received my scholarship and am very excited, but what you don't know is that it scares me to death. Leah, I love the thought of helping others, but this past year I get more and more scared of graduation. Leaving what I have known and entering the real world. I've got huge decisions of where I am going to work and live for the next 2 1/2-4 years and where my family and boyfriend are going to fit into that. Going out on my own is something that has come sooner than I ever imagined and honestly, I'm not quite ready for that right now.
Leah, I know you might not understand a lot of this right now, but to be honest, I don't understand a lot about where you are coming from either. Leah, you lost a part of high school, but I lost a part of both high school and college. I have grown up faster because of that and the life changes I am starting to go through haven't slowed that down any. I am so happy that you are experiencing freshman year from the beginning because that is going to be such a blessing to look back on and enjoy all the memories. I wouldn't change the special friends I have from college, but experiencing more of my freshman year truly would have been a blessing as well.
Leah, we both have different life experiences, but we never let that get in the way of our friendship. I truly am sorry if that is gone now. Leah, you are a beautiful strong woman. And I hope no matter who comes in and out of your life that you will stay on your path following God with all your heart. I'm reading a devotional right now that when I finish it, I thought you might enjoy it. There's another one Aaron and I are reading - The Five Languages of Love - that you
and Mark might enjoy reading as well. Yes, it is geared more for a marriage couple, but we are only getting into it and it already has spoken so much to us. I am so glad you and Mark are learning so much from and with each other. Treasure the special moments and enjoy the time you have at college. You will build wonderful memories to share
with your family and friends.
I love you Leah. You are going to go so far in life and I hope you keep me updated. I miss you Leah and the friendship we used to share. I hope you are enjoying your weekend with your family and friends.
Love,
Breanna
Leah~
Hi. It's hardly been a week since we talked, but it seems like forever. My screen saver brings up a lot of memories lately of various people. Today, it was you most of all. I don't really know where to start. Usually I'm good with words and knowing what I want to say. But, this time I truly don't. Except that I never wanted our friendship to end like this. Everyone grows in their own directions especially during college.
I know you don't understand what I am going through because things have changed a lot for me this past year. I know you think I'm a terribly angry person who doesn't sympathize with anyone but myself, but that isn't what things have turned into. Leah, you've not been a birthmother as long as I have. You've not been in a serious relationship as long as I have. And neither of those are meant to be critical or demeaning, theya re just the facts. I love my boyfriend and my daughter. I have grown a lot and it's made me realize what I am truly missing in life. I don't regret that I chose John and Mandy to parent Eden. Simply, I regret the moments that I miss with her. I miss watching her grow up and being a part of her everyday life. Being with Aaron has made me realize where my true dreams lie. It isn't in social work. It is in being a wife and a mother. I would be completely happy to be a stay at home mom. I don't want an expensive life but rather one of love. I love my daughter and Aaron. I love the time that I have with each of them. Yes, I'm beginnning to ramble. But, the point is, I'm struggling with the fact I had the chance to reach one of those dreams. No, it wasn't the right timing, but I am to the point in my life where I realize what truly matters. It isn't a career, but family. That doesn't mean I wouldn't love to help others along the way, but it isn't where my dreams lie anymore.
You know I received my scholarship and am very excited, but what you don't know is that it scares me to death. Leah, I love the thought of helping others, but this past year I get more and more scared of graduation. Leaving what I have known and entering the real world. I've got huge decisions of where I am going to work and live for the next 2 1/2-4 years and where my family and boyfriend are going to fit into that. Going out on my own is something that has come sooner than I ever imagined and honestly, I'm not quite ready for that right now.
Leah, I know you might not understand a lot of this right now, but to be honest, I don't understand a lot about where you are coming from either. Leah, you lost a part of high school, but I lost a part of both high school and college. I have grown up faster because of that and the life changes I am starting to go through haven't slowed that down any. I am so happy that you are experiencing freshman year from the beginning because that is going to be such a blessing to look back on and enjoy all the memories. I wouldn't change the special friends I have from college, but experiencing more of my freshman year truly would have been a blessing as well.
Leah, we both have different life experiences, but we never let that get in the way of our friendship. I truly am sorry if that is gone now. Leah, you are a beautiful strong woman. And I hope no matter who comes in and out of your life that you will stay on your path following God with all your heart. I'm reading a devotional right now that when I finish it, I thought you might enjoy it. There's another one Aaron and I are reading - The Five Languages of Love - that you
and Mark might enjoy reading as well. Yes, it is geared more for a marriage couple, but we are only getting into it and it already has spoken so much to us. I am so glad you and Mark are learning so much from and with each other. Treasure the special moments and enjoy the time you have at college. You will build wonderful memories to share
with your family and friends.
I love you Leah. You are going to go so far in life and I hope you keep me updated. I miss you Leah and the friendship we used to share. I hope you are enjoying your weekend with your family and friends.
Love,
Breanna