Emotional Rollercoaster
K so today I did some homework. Got an English assignment done which was good :) I've got a lot of work this next month. Keep me on track people. Today was exhausting emotionally. Found out I HAD TO BE ON contraceptives to do the GIF study. Get the website right. Hopefully somethin comes up next month and I can do it :) Also, got an email from USI (I haven't went there in 9 months and they're still sendin me emails) about a job at High Point Daycare. I'm goin out there tomorrow and takin Laura with me to see what's up about getting a job there. That's where Mrs. Hahn's kids go :) She says it's wonderful there. So cross your fingers it works with my busy schedule!
Been thinkin way too much today! Especially after getting off the phone with Marge. And that was around noon and since it's almost 12 hours later that's a lot of thinking. I know she was teasing and I'm not really upset by what she said but I am offended. Mom and Aunt Marge were on the phone talkin about things with the trip and Relay for Life. Aunt Marge told my mom she still needed my community paper signed. Then she goes on to say because I wouldn't want you having sex with Aaron over there. (I was in the kitchen when mom was on the phone and so mom was tellin me all about their convo while they were talkin). I just stood there with my mouth open when she said that. Then mom goes on to say she better not ever because I'm old enough I don't want to go through last year again and have another little one. I mean Aunt Marge told mom she was teasin and then I got on the phone and she said she was teasin...but still...I just can't believe they said that I guess.
I told him tonight he didn't have to go out with me because he didn't need to be compared with that and get looped in with my past and he said he wanted to stay because i was the only one. I'm not mad or sad...just a little offended that they would think that's what I want with anyone but especially Aaron. I mean they say they don't but to joke about it with me like that...it just makes it seem like there is that small thought that that's what I want. I can't shake the way that people close to me joke about it because somewhere they probably do think it could happen again and those that don't me well probably definitely think that's what I'm about. I can't change that I know because I already made the mistake but I wish people wouldn't think all my future relationships are like that simply because of a past mistake. The thing I hate most...the way the loop Aaron into my past. He's a great guy and that's not what he's lookin for with me and I know it. And all you people who are like that's all a guy wants shove it. That's not how Aaron is and I'm stickin with that. And Aaron...don't change I like you like that.
Speakin of my wonderful boyfriend, he puts up with a lot. Not only my worrying and being upset over things said like today, but so much more. And with today I told him he should probably not date me because he shouldn't be lumped in with my past and what did he say other than sweet response?! He said no way was he leaving me because I was the only one. He said he loves dating me and unless I'm leaving he's staying because I'm the only girl he wants to date. AWWW! That definitely made me feel tons better! He said not to worry we'd prove them all wrong about our relationship. I'm game. I like proving others wrong when they judge me.
On top of that he listens to my randomness :) Before tonight there were 3 emails I'd written him since we'd been dating...2 out of 3 were so random. Like one was saying that I'd been drinking tons of water and food and have a nervous eating habit and I was eating a Hershey's bar and Goldfish. Since in that email I'd stayed up all night I was tellin him about the sun rising and our window being up. This entailed..."we have 2 determined birds out here...it's a whistle just like a boy would do for a hot girl...woootwoo...and then another bird follows it with chipmunk like noises...nitnitnitnitnitnit." Then there was the email telling him to appreciate being able to wash dishes because at least he had parents that asked him to do something and he was able to help out. Can you tell I was homesick that day...haha ;) And he read that and didn't kill me for it. Probably laughed at me lots though. Haha. Thanks for listening to nething and everything. I needed you tonight and you were here and I appreciate that. You too Denise. I'm so glad to be a part of the board. You're a wonderful woman and your kids are lucky to have you as their mom. Thanks for always listening and supporting me. I'm lucky to have such a great friend!
I really hate the way boys act sometime. I'm sorry...but when a friend calls me in tears because of a boy and when she tells me a story that it's obviously all his stupidity it ticks me off. Girls can be dumb too but sometimes guys just get to me the way they act like they can play with a girl's emotions and then walk out on them whenever they're done and then come back as they please. Been there seen that done that...don't want anyone else goin through it. Yet, I know God's workin for 'em and it's all going to work out in His Master Plan. I'm sure of it!
Aaron, I wake up every morning in awe of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful guy. And to have the wonderful guy as my boyfriend is even more amazing! Your respect means the world to me. I don't ever ever want to lose that! You're not just a great boyfriend. You're the best kind of friend there is. Not many stuck by me like you did. Supporting me with whatever decision I made (and this was after those that left because I was pregnant). I have no idea why you stuck by me (especially when it took me so long to tell you...which I PROMISE wasn't on purpose) but I'll never forget that! Yesterday was the best! Being with you has always been awesome! And now to snuggle with you on top of that! WOW! I love all the sweet things you say to me about me being perfect and beautiful and holding me forever. Makes me the luckiest girl on earth (though I have you so that already makes me the luckiest!) Aaron...you're my strength when I'm down, you're my encouragement...you are my supporter everyday...you're my advisor and my bounce-board for ideas...you're my everything. I can't imagine life without you. I'm so glad that you've been here with me all these years. I can only hope that continues for a long long time. You've always meant a lot to me and now u mean a speical extra bit. You are so wonderful to me. Aaron...you've always meant a lot to me. You weren't just a friend...I look up to you for the type of guy you were and the way you treat everyone...especially me. You're great with Ellie and Sarah and Zach, Andrew, and AJ. I love the way those guys adore you. But then, WHO WOULDN'T!? You're a great guy, and any girl would be lucky to have you. But I have you...and that makes me the luckiest. Can't wait to see you tomorrow...1 month anniversary here I come!
Been thinkin way too much today! Especially after getting off the phone with Marge. And that was around noon and since it's almost 12 hours later that's a lot of thinking. I know she was teasing and I'm not really upset by what she said but I am offended. Mom and Aunt Marge were on the phone talkin about things with the trip and Relay for Life. Aunt Marge told my mom she still needed my community paper signed. Then she goes on to say because I wouldn't want you having sex with Aaron over there. (I was in the kitchen when mom was on the phone and so mom was tellin me all about their convo while they were talkin). I just stood there with my mouth open when she said that. Then mom goes on to say she better not ever because I'm old enough I don't want to go through last year again and have another little one. I mean Aunt Marge told mom she was teasin and then I got on the phone and she said she was teasin...but still...I just can't believe they said that I guess.
I told him tonight he didn't have to go out with me because he didn't need to be compared with that and get looped in with my past and he said he wanted to stay because i was the only one. I'm not mad or sad...just a little offended that they would think that's what I want with anyone but especially Aaron. I mean they say they don't but to joke about it with me like that...it just makes it seem like there is that small thought that that's what I want. I can't shake the way that people close to me joke about it because somewhere they probably do think it could happen again and those that don't me well probably definitely think that's what I'm about. I can't change that I know because I already made the mistake but I wish people wouldn't think all my future relationships are like that simply because of a past mistake. The thing I hate most...the way the loop Aaron into my past. He's a great guy and that's not what he's lookin for with me and I know it. And all you people who are like that's all a guy wants shove it. That's not how Aaron is and I'm stickin with that. And Aaron...don't change I like you like that.
Speakin of my wonderful boyfriend, he puts up with a lot. Not only my worrying and being upset over things said like today, but so much more. And with today I told him he should probably not date me because he shouldn't be lumped in with my past and what did he say other than sweet response?! He said no way was he leaving me because I was the only one. He said he loves dating me and unless I'm leaving he's staying because I'm the only girl he wants to date. AWWW! That definitely made me feel tons better! He said not to worry we'd prove them all wrong about our relationship. I'm game. I like proving others wrong when they judge me.
On top of that he listens to my randomness :) Before tonight there were 3 emails I'd written him since we'd been dating...2 out of 3 were so random. Like one was saying that I'd been drinking tons of water and food and have a nervous eating habit and I was eating a Hershey's bar and Goldfish. Since in that email I'd stayed up all night I was tellin him about the sun rising and our window being up. This entailed..."we have 2 determined birds out here...it's a whistle just like a boy would do for a hot girl...woootwoo...and then another bird follows it with chipmunk like noises...nitnitnitnitnitnit." Then there was the email telling him to appreciate being able to wash dishes because at least he had parents that asked him to do something and he was able to help out. Can you tell I was homesick that day...haha ;) And he read that and didn't kill me for it. Probably laughed at me lots though. Haha. Thanks for listening to nething and everything. I needed you tonight and you were here and I appreciate that. You too Denise. I'm so glad to be a part of the board. You're a wonderful woman and your kids are lucky to have you as their mom. Thanks for always listening and supporting me. I'm lucky to have such a great friend!
I really hate the way boys act sometime. I'm sorry...but when a friend calls me in tears because of a boy and when she tells me a story that it's obviously all his stupidity it ticks me off. Girls can be dumb too but sometimes guys just get to me the way they act like they can play with a girl's emotions and then walk out on them whenever they're done and then come back as they please. Been there seen that done that...don't want anyone else goin through it. Yet, I know God's workin for 'em and it's all going to work out in His Master Plan. I'm sure of it!
Aaron, I wake up every morning in awe of how lucky I am to have such a wonderful guy. And to have the wonderful guy as my boyfriend is even more amazing! Your respect means the world to me. I don't ever ever want to lose that! You're not just a great boyfriend. You're the best kind of friend there is. Not many stuck by me like you did. Supporting me with whatever decision I made (and this was after those that left because I was pregnant). I have no idea why you stuck by me (especially when it took me so long to tell you...which I PROMISE wasn't on purpose) but I'll never forget that! Yesterday was the best! Being with you has always been awesome! And now to snuggle with you on top of that! WOW! I love all the sweet things you say to me about me being perfect and beautiful and holding me forever. Makes me the luckiest girl on earth (though I have you so that already makes me the luckiest!) Aaron...you're my strength when I'm down, you're my encouragement...you are my supporter everyday...you're my advisor and my bounce-board for ideas...you're my everything. I can't imagine life without you. I'm so glad that you've been here with me all these years. I can only hope that continues for a long long time. You've always meant a lot to me and now u mean a speical extra bit. You are so wonderful to me. Aaron...you've always meant a lot to me. You weren't just a friend...I look up to you for the type of guy you were and the way you treat everyone...especially me. You're great with Ellie and Sarah and Zach, Andrew, and AJ. I love the way those guys adore you. But then, WHO WOULDN'T!? You're a great guy, and any girl would be lucky to have you. But I have you...and that makes me the luckiest. Can't wait to see you tomorrow...1 month anniversary here I come!