Ugh...birthdads

Nov 16, 2005 13:26

Now before you go thinking I'm against birthdads, I'm not! I simply support the idea that birthdads have control over their involvement in their partner and child's life. Whether they stick with that partner after the birth of the baby is another matter. But during the pregnancy, they should be supportive and not rude. And as a decent human being, you should continue to support the mother of your child through being respectful and be able to carry on civil conversations.

Well, many birthmothers have not had this experience and I'm one of them. Take the last two days for exampe. Daniel started out yesterday evening asking if they could come over to the house or take us out to dinner so that they could spend more time with Mandy and Eden. Considering my mother's feelings on you, I am thinking that's probably not a good idea. And considering it was my parents who invited them to visit, you shouldn't be trying to hog time. I was upfront about how I'm not sure it would work because we had plans. Now, the only reason I imd him was to let him know that I was definitely going to have to pick Amanda and Eden up exactly at noon Saturday because we had an appointment to get too., He proceeded to ask me if that was the only appointment they had. A bit rude if you ask me considering I'm being considerate enough to drop them off and pick them up for everyone's ease. But, being nice, I emailed Amanda and told her what was going on and said if you want to go out with them, just give me a heads up.

Well I must say, Amanda's reply must be directly quoted because it's TOO good! "Fortunately, I dont think we will have time. We are going to the thing at your church last I heard on Sunday evening. (Unless all my wires are crossed, which is highly likely these days.) Then I leave Monday. I am not gonna put your family through that whole mess. Its weird enough for us (you, me, and John) to balance out. They shouldn't have to. You know, we didnt even have to let them know we were coming. We are making arrangements to go over there. Trying to accomidate everyone, no matter how we feel about it. Cant that be enough? You are right. It has been his choice on how much he is a part of her life. Not ours or yours. That is all on him. I am not gonna hunt him down to talk to him. I have my own life."

Keep in mind, my email to her had been straight forward about what was going on but not rude towards him. The only comment I made regarding him at all was how he was blaming me for getting more time and how I already could go there when I wanted and how it was so expensive for him to drive there. It was all about how I was a bigger part of their lives. Well I agree with Amanda...he doesn't make the effort and that's his problem.

So the convo continued last night when I imd him to tell him that I'd received word back from her. He didn't im me mind you...he claims sick (uh hello!?! Why are you going to have a 2 year old in your house then!). Well even if I was sick I wouldn't forget wanting to know if I could visit with my daughter more. I just told him Amanda didn't feel it would work due to timing and that's why she had wanted to be upfront about the two hours. I didn't go into details but he was a jerk and was like ok whatever. I can't talk anymore because you are making me want to hurt myself. Well let's see...I cannot MAKE anyone hurt themselves. Nor can I make them want to. You control your feelings. So you're not going to guilt me there. Then he puts up an away message "Fuck you." Well needless to say that set me off. I wasn't rude I was upfront about things. So I flat out told him he didn't invite them, my family did. We graciously were giving him that time and he should be grateful instead of an ass. Don't treat me like nothing when you are being the jerk. And on top of that, if you would make more effort all the time, maybe everyone would want to spend more time with you.

Good god! I'm glad Amanda's email was so bitchy because it made me feel better and laugh about my anger.

mandy, daniel, eden

Previous post Next post
Up