Pride month
I want to be out.
It is silly to whine, I have great privileges in life due to how people read me and I am very aware how lucky I am. Some have so much worse, horrible things can happen (and do happen), I will never forget how dangerous just living is for people in my community.
But I find it harder every year to be someone I'm not, the lies mounting higher each second to tower above my head. I shouldn't eagerly anticipate pride like its a damn lifeline, a vacation.
My real estate agent is a lesbian, my mechanic is gay, my mortgage guy is (Im pretty sure) a gay man. All out. They are lovely people and inspiring, I wish I could be like them.
Such a coward, being shunned by family (in laws and my own) shouldn't be a concern but given the several year denial of my sexuality by my mother, a trans declaration would probably get a more violent reaction. It shouldn't stop me, living this way has lead to so much anxiety and depression... But coming out seems selfish and unreasonable. Ugh brain.
And what about dave? Evie? How will this impact them negatively? I cannot let my stupid brain hurt their lives so hugely, social shunning isn't okay.
Ugh ugh ugh. Eff my life.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
It is silly to whine, I have great privileges in life due to how people read me and I am very aware how lucky I am. Some have so much worse, horrible things can happen (and do happen), I will never forget how dangerous just living is for people in my community.
But I find it harder every year to be someone I'm not, the lies mounting higher each second to tower above my head. I shouldn't eagerly anticipate pride like its a damn lifeline, a vacation.
My real estate agent is a lesbian, my mechanic is gay, my mortgage guy is (Im pretty sure) a gay man. All out. They are lovely people and inspiring, I wish I could be like them.
Such a coward, being shunned by family (in laws and my own) shouldn't be a concern but given the several year denial of my sexuality by my mother, a trans declaration would probably get a more violent reaction. It shouldn't stop me, living this way has lead to so much anxiety and depression... But coming out seems selfish and unreasonable. Ugh brain.
And what about dave? Evie? How will this impact them negatively? I cannot let my stupid brain hurt their lives so hugely, social shunning isn't okay.
Ugh ugh ugh. Eff my life.
Posted via m.livejournal.com.