[Fic] "The Sum of Things," ch. 1, pt. 6 -- original

[edenfalling]

Slow day. Still no job nibbles, but I got my paycheck from my last half week of the old job. Yay money. Am skating the tight edge of being dead broke, though, so I'd better find something by January.

Still a rough draft -- this scene in particular needs tweaking.

Comments

[redwolf]

You want to leave it here?

Nice characteristations again, enjoyed the friendly family bantering, a nice contrast to Talin's father. Well wrapped up chapter.

[edenfalling]

Whoops! Fixed that, thanks.

I'm personally not thrilled with this scene, since it dumps 5 new characters into the mix, and who won't be seen again until the end of the story (if that). They will be mentioned now and then -- people don't just totally forget about their families, after all -- but Duri's line about 'one of those interminable farewell scenes' is about what I feel about this scene. Unfortunately, I couldn't figure out a way around it. *sigh* And I do like the contrast of Bren's family to Talin and his father.