[Fic] "Short Story Long" -- Homestuck
Summary: Davesprite and Jade talk about everything and nothing, one week into the journey along the yellow yard. Loose sequel to Instant Corpse Party (Party Not Included), though I don't think you need to read that story for this one to make sense. Hints of Davesprite/Jade. (~4,000 words)
Note: This story was written for Cotton Candy Bingo in response to the prompt: miniatures.
[ETA: The slightly revised final version is now up on AO3! Please go read that instead.]
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Short Story Long
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-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --
TG: yo jade sup
TG: where are you
TG: come save me from your slime twin hes trying to fucking pet me
TG: again
TG: and by again i mean for the 5 billionth time today
TG: yes literally no i dont know how thats possible either
TG: time how does it even work
TG: also i am not a toy
TG: the wings are a hands free zone yes even the one thats not broken yes egbert that means you
TG: super special super secret
TG: jade the fact that im still pestering you means hes not listening
TG: i cant even abscond the assholes playing tricks with the air
TG: keeps like
TG: yanking it out from under me or something i dunno
TG: sprites how do we even work
TG: not like i actually use the wings to fly so why him fucking with the air pressure around them screws my awesome air dance party makes no sense
TG: but apparently thats what happens
TG: come on jade come be the wind beneath my wings
TG: beneath my mighty feathered pinions more like
TG: straining as they cup and beat the air to no avail
TG: and glow sunstreaked gold and saffron as with an inner light oh no wait thats literally true they are actually bioluminescent
TG: assuming i still count as bio
TG: but just feast your eyes on those adjectives
TG: are they purple enough for you to take pity on me
TG: ...
TG: jade
TG: jade jade jade jade jade
TG: youre not afk come on rescue me i promise ill swoon into your arms and all that bullshit
TG: ...
TG: fine
TG: guess i cant compete with the mysteries of green whooshy hyperspace shenanigans
TG: fourth walls how do they even work
TG: i have got to stop using that phrase
TG: i dont even remember where i picked it up might have cooties for all i know
TG: or rabies watch out pretty soon ill be foaming at the mouth grrr argh brains nom nom nom
TG: ...
TG: you know what screw this
TG: ill just write on his face and abscond while he flips out
TG: he wants the sensuous caress of orange against his skin
TG: he gets it
TG: magic sprite powers DEPLOY
TG: ...
TG: ha
TG: victory is mine
TG: i gotta say john looks pretty fly with a stache imnsho
TG: just saying
TG: i wonder if youd rock a moustache too
TG: the ears are surprisingly cute so why not go for the gold
TG: hair all over
TG: live that fursona
TG: man what am i saying
TG: this is pathetic keep on ignoring me its a great life choice
TG: id ignore me if i could
TG: no sense wasting time on leftover junk from a failed timeline
GG: omg DAVESPRITE!!!
GG: chill out!
GG: i wasnt ignoring you on purpose, i just got a little distracted when the frogs stampeded
TG: ...
TG: the frogs stampeded
TG: ok
TG: im just gonna leave that sitting there for a minute
GG: the frogs stampeded!
GG: there now it has company :)
TG: third times the charm yet somehow i remain unenlightened
TG: refund plz
GG: ok ok
GG: if you give me more than 30 seconds to type i will explain
GG: sheesh, so impatient!
TG: i resent that im the soul of impeccable timing
TG: cant be impatient when everything i do always falls at exactly the right moment
TG: its a gift
GG: nyaaaah! :p
GG: this is me sticking out my tongue and making stupid faces at you
GG: now shut up or maybe i WILL start ignoring you
TG: shutting up now
GG: good boy :)
GG: so about the frogs
GG: i got bored of watching you and john play your weird glitchy skateboard dorito game, so i zapped myself to lofaf
GG: we didnt really look around when we had our picnic last week
GG: for obvious reasons :(
GG: but i wanted to check on the frog breeding equipment and see if i could figure out what happened to bilious slick jr when i got blown up
GG: wow, youre being really quiet!
GG: did john try for a revenge prank already?
TG: ...
GG: ...
GG: i didnt mean shut up forever, you dumbass
GG: i wouldnt actually ignore you
GG: youre my friend!
TG: whatever
GG: you are!!!!!!
GG: daves my friend and so are you! i like you both and i dont think either of you is more real than the other
GG: everything weve shared up until sburb belongs to both of you, nobody can take that away
GG: and!
GG: youre the one who came back in time to save me!
GG: youre also the one who got the royal derringer, talked sprite me out of my breakdown, and waited with me on the battlefield so neither of us would have to die alone
GG: that means a lot!
GG: so stop thinking i dont care, mister coolsprite
TG: welp
TG: jade harley has spoken
GG: damn right i have!
TG: guess thats the way it is then
GG: :DDD
GG: it is most definitely the way things are
GG: and i will keep telling you so until you believe me <3
GG: now back to the frogs!
TG: which stampeded
GG: yes but that part comes later, so shoosh and let me tell the story
GG: so i was trying to find bs jr, aka our universe frog, or at least the magic 8 ball i was keeping him in
GG: (or her! i still cant tell frog sexes apart plus i think they can change from one to the other sometimes?)
GG: i couldnt tell for sure because the appearifier was broken
TG: hang on didnt you have other
TG: no wait dumb question
TG: its all the same machine just looped thats the only way you and alpha dave couldve managed the quest in less than a day
GG: yes
GG: we probably couldve deployed new machines for each lab level and timeloop but it was easier to keep using the same ones so we didnt have to reprogram all the coordinates and genomes every loop
GG: and now all the data is gone :(
TG: at least you finished the quest thats something right
GG: i guess so, but without bs jr it feels like dave and i did all that work for nothing
GG: D:
TG: yeah
TG: well
TG: what about the god frog
GG: i have a theory!
GG: i cant prove it because like i said the appearifier is broken
GG: and obviously i was a little too busy dying to watch what happened at the time
GG: but i felt around with my awesome witchy powers, and...
GG: ...........
GG: ....................
GG: ...........................
TG: jesus
GG: ........................
TG: jade
GG: ................
TG: the joke is old
GG: ............................
TG: the joke is long past its sell by date
GG: .......................................
TG: the joke is expired
TG: it is an ex joke
GG: ....................
TG: argh will you just tell me already
TG: im impatient ok i admit it just
GG: ................................................................
TG: get
TG: to
TG: the
TG: point
GG: no problem davesprite :)
GG: the point is
GG: that i am pretty sure bs jr fell into the volcano!
TG: thats bad right
GG: very bad!
GG: unless you have a time traveler around
GG: and/or an appearifier that isnt locked to the present and also isnt broken
TG: gotcha
TG: so basically were stuck on that front until we reach the new session
TG: just like every other front
GG: pretty much :/
GG: no quests for us
GG: none of them
TG: damn and i was looking forward to being hella cryptic all up in this joint while you and john stumbled around like chumps
GG: awww
GG: maybe in three years!
TG: its a date
GG: :DDD
TG: but frogs
TG: i was promised frogs
TG: stampeding ones
TG: not crispy fried ones
GG: poor fried bs jr :(
GG: someday we will save him from his fiery doom!
GG: hmm
GG: now i wonder what fried frogs taste like...?
TG: chicken
TG: duh
TG: cmon harley get with the program everybody and their dog knows all weird ass food tastes like chicken
TG: its an fda requirement
GG: oh really?
GG: but remember im probably not an american citizen
GG: the fda has no jurisdiction over my island
GG: and definitely not over lofaf!
TG: how dare you doubt the power and reach of the fda young lady for shame
TG: next thing you know youll be saying you dont recognize the power of cool
GG: :O
GG: never!
GG: also you are sidetracking me again, mister!
GG: for someone demanding a story you are very bad at letting me tell it
TG: oh shit shes on to me
TG: abort abort abort
GG: lol :)
GG: ANYWAY
GG: there i was on the roof with a broken appearifier, a broken ecto-cloning machine, and a whole lot of frog corpses
GG: and i mean a LOT of dead frogs
TG: frogpocalypse
GG: total frogpocalypse
GG: slime and pieces everywhere :(
GG: i didnt want to leave the poor frogs there all bloody and dismembered
TG: jade harley, chief mourner of the croaking tribe
GG: :p
GG: a little, sure, but mostly i just wanted a clean roof!
GG: so i shoved all the frogs into my sylladex and flew down to find a good place to bury them
GG: or dump them in a lake, whichever
TG: shouldve zapped over to lohac and given them to the nakkodiles
TG: those dudes are always looking for weird shit to dump into stewpots
TG: bet you could make a mint selling frog legs
GG: hmm!
GG: or mushrooms from lowas, maybe
GG: the salamanders never seem to run out of those
GG: do roses turtles grow anything, do you know?
TG: they used to in the other timeline
TG: these sort of rainbow fruit things
TG: never did figure out how the trees grew in all that sand
GG: it is a mystery! like everything else about sburb
GG: hopefully there are enough mysteries to keep us from going nuts in the next three years
TG: what do you mean going nuts
TG: arent you already there
GG: D:
GG: DDDDDDDDD:
TG: shit
TG: sorry
GG: ...
GG: gotcha! hahahaha!!!
GG: and you are distracting me AGAIN
TG: yeah
TG: well
TG: youre not trying very hard to stop me
GG: i guess i havent been, have i?
GG: obviously we need to practice this story telling and story listening thing
GG: who knows, the fate of the universe might someday depend on our efficiency at conveying information without constant digressions!
TG: nah
TG: never happen
GG: lol :D
GG: where was i?
TG: frogs in sylladex, flying down in search of a landfill
GG: right, thanks!
GG: long story short, i didnt find a good place to bury the frogs because everywhere i looked there were already a million frogs!
GG: and it seemed a little weird to be all
GG: hi there frog ladies and frog gentlemen
GG: let me introduce you to your brutally murdered friends and neighbors
GG: which is a very silly thing to worry about, i know, since its not like the frogs are sentient enough to know let alone to care
GG: and besides death is a natural part of life
GG: but i guess im still a little
GG: um
GG: you know
GG: after everything
GG: i think rose would say im projecting or displacing in a transparently obvious and yet quite understandable effort to soften the impact of deep emotional trauma on various interconnected levels
GG: or something like that
TG: throw in a nod to repression and latent homosocial bonding and id say youve got an a plus spot on impression
GG: ha
GG: yeah
GG: i miss rose already
GG: i always thought that when we got into the medium and played sburb, it would be the most awesome and wonderful adventure and id finally get to meet all of my best friends
GG: i was looking forward to that so much
GG: i DID meet john and you and dave
GG: and it certainly was an adventure!
GG: but awesome and wonderful are not the words id pick to describe what happened
GG: and i never did get to meet rose in person
GG: i saw her through my junior compusooth spectagoggles, but that hardly counts, id seen her the same way in skaias clouds lots of times before
GG: i wanted to give her a hug and see if she was ticklish and i could make her laugh
GG: :(
TG: shes ticklish
TG: but dont try it
TG: her vengeance is swift and terrible
GG: ha, i bet!
GG: but see, thats the kind of thing i wanted to learn for myself
GG: like how john forgets to put on his glasses when he gets up and kind of wobbles back and forth on his way to the shower in the morning
GG: or how you and dave lurk in corners and mumble to yourselves
GG: stuff you actually have to live with a person to know
TG: like your complete inability to comprehend the use of the utensil commonly known as a fork
GG: i comprehend just fine!
GG: i dont see the point of them, is all
GG: a knife cuts things, a spoon picks up liquids, those make sense
GG: but all a fork does is imitate the grasping ability of fingers
GG: badly
GG: because it cant actually grasp and has to stab things instead
GG: even chopsticks make more sense than forks!
TG: how do you not see the point of forks
TG: seriously the point is right there
TG: three or four of them in fact
TG: being all pointy and shit
GG: :p
GG: yes yes i know
GG: and john says the point is so you dont get food all over your fingers
GG: but really, isnt THAT the point of a napkin???
TG: utensils how do they even work
TG: oh fuckdammit
TG: i keep using that phrase
TG: its totally a meme i recognize that brain virus power when i see it
TG: but its not one of my memes
TG: i reject all immigrant memes they steal jobs from my own words
TG: leave them begging on the streets
TG: hey mister hey mister can you gimme a paragraph
TG: just one sentence even ill make it worth your time i swear dress your voice up so fancy theyll think youre the king of france
TG: but its all
TG: nope
TG: sorry
TG: this space already taken
TG: poor homeless memes dying starving in the rain
TG: i wont be party to meme disenfranchisement jade
TG: hit me with your magic newspaper if i use that interloper again
GG: lol! :)
GG: you are so weird
GG: but in a good way
GG: and yes, i promise ill smack your nose if you use that meme again
TG: awesome
TG: i knew i could count on you
GG: thats what friends are for!
TG: we are unquestionably the best at friendship
GG: it is us :D
GG: and also the best at tangents, wow, how did we get so far off track?
TG: scrolling up i have to say i think this one was all on you
GG: hmm
GG: im the one who brought up rose, thats true
GG: shed probably say were rambling as an avoidance technique
GG: except i dont think theres anything to avoid in a story about stampeding frogs
GG: honestly who wouldnt want to hear about stampeding frogs?
TG: nobody i want to know
GG: exactly!
GG: so why do we keep going off on tangents?
TG: beats me
TG: but
TG: you know what
TG: this right here
TG: come in close ill whisper a secret in your ear
GG: ok tell me!
TG: this
TG: is
TG: a
TG: tangent
GG: omg
GG: youre right
GG: it is!
GG: look how sneakily it snuck up on us!
GG: wow you are such a genius, how did you notice its tracks before it pounced?
TG: hey now no need to break out the sarcasm
GG: :D
GG: youre just really easy to talk to, you know?
GG: it reminds me of how we used to kill time before sburb, talking about stupid stuff for hours
GG: maybe thats all this is
GG: trying to get that back
TG: maybe
TG: but anyway frogs
TG: talk to me about frogs
TG: make sweet digital love to my eyes with extensive narration on the topic of frogs
GG: ok
GG: so i was having trouble figuring out where to put the dead frog puree
GG: when i remembered that hey, im the witch of space
GG: awesome green zappy space powers are now a handy dandy way to take a third option when presented with previously insurmountable obstacles!
GG: so i hollowed out a place underground, zapped the frogs into it, and then i just had a bunch of dirt to deal with instead of a bunch of frog corpses
TG: k makes sense
TG: still not seeing how this leads to mass frog hysteria though
TG: did you drop the dirt and make them think oh shit earthquake
GG: no i did not drop the dirt
GG: ok yes i dropped it
GG: but i dropped it into the volcano so its not like anyone noticed
GG: but see, using my awesome spacey powers got me thinking
TG: awesome spacey powers
TG: yeah
TG: ok
GG: lol
GG: AWESOME SPACEY POWERS!!!
GG: why is johns power the only one that doesnt sound completely stupid in that form?
GG: windy thing is silly but not as silly as spacey thing
GG: let alone timey thing
GG: or...
GG: what would we call roses powers?
GG: lighty thing? shiny thing? glowy thing?
TG: sparkly thing
GG: sparkly thing! yes, perfect!
GG: silly sparkly seer stuff :DDD
GG: but anyway!
GG: using my awesome spacey powers reminded me that even though ive had them for a week now ive just been using them by instinct
GG: and some leftover knowledge from bec and sprite me
GG: instead of taking the time to experiment and set rigorous scientific boundaries on what i can and cant do
GG: so i decided to fool around a little and get some idea for what i need to research
TG: sounds legit
TG: hey
TG: will you need a lab assistant for this project dr harley
GG: why, are you volunteering mister strider?
GG: what are your qualifications for the position?
TG: one eidetic sprite memory
TG: two ability to write notes on any surface
TG: three i bring my own soundtrack for long voyage of discovery montages
GG: hmm
GG: i dont know, tell me more
TG: four i look damn sexy in a labcoat
GG: sold!
GG: ;)
TG: sweet
GG: but back to the saga of the stampeding frogs!
GG: long story short
TG: you call this short
GG: LONG STORY SHORT!!! D:<
GG: i figured that if i can shrink other things, like planets and everything on them
GG: and if i can adjust my own size so its correct relative to those shrunken planets
GG: which obviously i can since its how ive been getting us to and from our lands
GG: theres no reason i shouldnt be able to shrink myself relative to some other object
TG: except for the whole thing where subatomic particles are already as small as they can physically get so your powers make no sense from the word go
TG: yes i do remember your lectures on nuclear physics so sue me
TG: but sure why not
TG: shrink all the things
GG: im annoyed about the part where i break physics too, and im going to solve it sooner or later!
GG: but for the moment im just waving my hands and calling it magic until i come up with some testable hypotheses
GG: and finding the rules and limits of my spacey thing will help me find the shape of the questions i need to ask
GG: so, long story short..............
TG: you shrank yourself
GG: i shrank
GG: davesprite!!!!
GG: grrr, stop being a ninja speed typist!
TG: im made of code i type with my brain
TG: not my fault you cant keep up with my awesome spritely powers
GG: maybe not now
GG: but just wait, i will come up with a hands free computing system that works via brainwaves
GG: i have the knowledge and the grist to do that!
TG: never said you didnt
TG: so there you were on lofaf
TG: all pocket sized
TG: surrounded by frogs
TG: ...
TG: jade
TG: tell me you didnt
GG: i totally did :D
GG: who needs ponies when you can ride frogs!
TG: im headdesking so hard right now you have no idea
TG: literally headdesking
TG: all the headdesks
TG: all of them
GG: liar, your room on the ship doesnt have a desk
GG: ...
GG: wait
GG: davesprite
GG: are you in my room?
TG: so tell me harley
TG: how do you ride a frog
TG: did you make up tiny harnesses out of your rainbow memory bands
TG: did you
TG: gasp
TG: ride them bareback
TG: does the slime make it hard to keep your place
TG: all slick against your thighs as you spread them and
TG: wait
GG: um...
TG: wait no
TG: that went to the wrong place
TG: unread that jade
TG: that never happened
GG: typing at the speed of your brain has a downside, who knew!
TG: who indeed
GG: apparently we do now
TG: yeah
GG: um
GG: so yeah, i rode one of the frogs
GG: no, i did not make a harness
GG: and yes, that meant it was hard to stay on
GG: not so much because of the slime but because frogs are not built like horses
GG: they are very wide
GG: also they hop
GG: so i had to lie down on its back and put my arms around its neck and hang on for dear life
GG: but it was awesome!!!
GG: until the frog panicked because it thought i was a predator trying to eat it or something
GG: and then all the other frogs panicked
GG: and they bolted for the lake because i guess its safer for frogs to be underwater
TG: and thus we finally reach the point of the story
GG: yep!
GG: a stampede of frogs!
GG: i didnt realize they were heading for the lake because my face was jammed against the frogs neck and i couldnt see over its head
GG: so there i was, thinking wheeee, most fun ever!!!
GG: and then splash, lake up my nose
TG: bleh
GG: if id known and had had a chance to take a deep breath i wouldnt have minded so much
GG: even with water up my nose and my glasses knocked off it was still pretty cool
GG: like swimming in a school of fish except instead of fish theyre frogs and also one frog is doing the swimming for you
TG: huh
TG: next time wear a camera
TG: well do a series of nature specials
TG: the wild flora and fauna of sburb
GG: what makes you think theres going to be a next time?
GG: maybe i have learned my lesson about riding frogs
TG: of course theres going to be a next time
TG: its an adventure its fun and its for science
TG: trifecta of irresistibility
GG: ok you win
GG: there will be a next time!
TG: cool for my prize i demand you take me too
TG: in fact take me now
TG: john just found me oh shit he brought jaspers
TG: and catnip
TG: that fucker
GG: no problem, just tell me where you are!
TG: your room
TG: like you already knew
TG: now come save me
GG: its a date :D
-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
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End of Story
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Look, I wrote something! \o/
I dunno, I've just been feeling very grey these past couple weeks. Some of that I blame on the weather -- extreme cold makes me want to curl up and hibernate -- but I lot I blame on bad sleep patterns (one day of binge sleeping followed by two days of way too little sleep, lather, rinse, repeat) and just... general lack of spoons, I guess. I have been spending them all on everyday life and have had hardly any left over for writing or human interaction online. But today a sleep binge has coincided with a day off from work, and I am feeling a little more together in general. Already I have cleaned my bathroom and finished a fic, and in an hour I will go buy groceries and various useful things from Target (shower curtain, new umbrella, etc.), so hopefully this is me turning a corner and not just an isolated bright spot in the dreariness.
*crosses fingers*
You can also read this entry on Dreamwidth, where there are currently (
comments)
Note: This story was written for Cotton Candy Bingo in response to the prompt: miniatures.
[ETA: The slightly revised final version is now up on AO3! Please go read that instead.]
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Short Story Long
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-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] --
TG: yo jade sup
TG: where are you
TG: come save me from your slime twin hes trying to fucking pet me
TG: again
TG: and by again i mean for the 5 billionth time today
TG: yes literally no i dont know how thats possible either
TG: time how does it even work
TG: also i am not a toy
TG: the wings are a hands free zone yes even the one thats not broken yes egbert that means you
TG: super special super secret
TG: jade the fact that im still pestering you means hes not listening
TG: i cant even abscond the assholes playing tricks with the air
TG: keeps like
TG: yanking it out from under me or something i dunno
TG: sprites how do we even work
TG: not like i actually use the wings to fly so why him fucking with the air pressure around them screws my awesome air dance party makes no sense
TG: but apparently thats what happens
TG: come on jade come be the wind beneath my wings
TG: beneath my mighty feathered pinions more like
TG: straining as they cup and beat the air to no avail
TG: and glow sunstreaked gold and saffron as with an inner light oh no wait thats literally true they are actually bioluminescent
TG: assuming i still count as bio
TG: but just feast your eyes on those adjectives
TG: are they purple enough for you to take pity on me
TG: ...
TG: jade
TG: jade jade jade jade jade
TG: youre not afk come on rescue me i promise ill swoon into your arms and all that bullshit
TG: ...
TG: fine
TG: guess i cant compete with the mysteries of green whooshy hyperspace shenanigans
TG: fourth walls how do they even work
TG: i have got to stop using that phrase
TG: i dont even remember where i picked it up might have cooties for all i know
TG: or rabies watch out pretty soon ill be foaming at the mouth grrr argh brains nom nom nom
TG: ...
TG: you know what screw this
TG: ill just write on his face and abscond while he flips out
TG: he wants the sensuous caress of orange against his skin
TG: he gets it
TG: magic sprite powers DEPLOY
TG: ...
TG: ha
TG: victory is mine
TG: i gotta say john looks pretty fly with a stache imnsho
TG: just saying
TG: i wonder if youd rock a moustache too
TG: the ears are surprisingly cute so why not go for the gold
TG: hair all over
TG: live that fursona
TG: man what am i saying
TG: this is pathetic keep on ignoring me its a great life choice
TG: id ignore me if i could
TG: no sense wasting time on leftover junk from a failed timeline
GG: omg DAVESPRITE!!!
GG: chill out!
GG: i wasnt ignoring you on purpose, i just got a little distracted when the frogs stampeded
TG: ...
TG: the frogs stampeded
TG: ok
TG: im just gonna leave that sitting there for a minute
GG: the frogs stampeded!
GG: there now it has company :)
TG: third times the charm yet somehow i remain unenlightened
TG: refund plz
GG: ok ok
GG: if you give me more than 30 seconds to type i will explain
GG: sheesh, so impatient!
TG: i resent that im the soul of impeccable timing
TG: cant be impatient when everything i do always falls at exactly the right moment
TG: its a gift
GG: nyaaaah! :p
GG: this is me sticking out my tongue and making stupid faces at you
GG: now shut up or maybe i WILL start ignoring you
TG: shutting up now
GG: good boy :)
GG: so about the frogs
GG: i got bored of watching you and john play your weird glitchy skateboard dorito game, so i zapped myself to lofaf
GG: we didnt really look around when we had our picnic last week
GG: for obvious reasons :(
GG: but i wanted to check on the frog breeding equipment and see if i could figure out what happened to bilious slick jr when i got blown up
GG: wow, youre being really quiet!
GG: did john try for a revenge prank already?
TG: ...
GG: ...
GG: i didnt mean shut up forever, you dumbass
GG: i wouldnt actually ignore you
GG: youre my friend!
TG: whatever
GG: you are!!!!!!
GG: daves my friend and so are you! i like you both and i dont think either of you is more real than the other
GG: everything weve shared up until sburb belongs to both of you, nobody can take that away
GG: and!
GG: youre the one who came back in time to save me!
GG: youre also the one who got the royal derringer, talked sprite me out of my breakdown, and waited with me on the battlefield so neither of us would have to die alone
GG: that means a lot!
GG: so stop thinking i dont care, mister coolsprite
TG: welp
TG: jade harley has spoken
GG: damn right i have!
TG: guess thats the way it is then
GG: :DDD
GG: it is most definitely the way things are
GG: and i will keep telling you so until you believe me <3
GG: now back to the frogs!
TG: which stampeded
GG: yes but that part comes later, so shoosh and let me tell the story
GG: so i was trying to find bs jr, aka our universe frog, or at least the magic 8 ball i was keeping him in
GG: (or her! i still cant tell frog sexes apart plus i think they can change from one to the other sometimes?)
GG: i couldnt tell for sure because the appearifier was broken
TG: hang on didnt you have other
TG: no wait dumb question
TG: its all the same machine just looped thats the only way you and alpha dave couldve managed the quest in less than a day
GG: yes
GG: we probably couldve deployed new machines for each lab level and timeloop but it was easier to keep using the same ones so we didnt have to reprogram all the coordinates and genomes every loop
GG: and now all the data is gone :(
TG: at least you finished the quest thats something right
GG: i guess so, but without bs jr it feels like dave and i did all that work for nothing
GG: D:
TG: yeah
TG: well
TG: what about the god frog
GG: i have a theory!
GG: i cant prove it because like i said the appearifier is broken
GG: and obviously i was a little too busy dying to watch what happened at the time
GG: but i felt around with my awesome witchy powers, and...
GG: ...........
GG: ....................
GG: ...........................
TG: jesus
GG: ........................
TG: jade
GG: ................
TG: the joke is old
GG: ............................
TG: the joke is long past its sell by date
GG: .......................................
TG: the joke is expired
TG: it is an ex joke
GG: ....................
TG: argh will you just tell me already
TG: im impatient ok i admit it just
GG: ................................................................
TG: get
TG: to
TG: the
TG: point
GG: no problem davesprite :)
GG: the point is
GG: that i am pretty sure bs jr fell into the volcano!
TG: thats bad right
GG: very bad!
GG: unless you have a time traveler around
GG: and/or an appearifier that isnt locked to the present and also isnt broken
TG: gotcha
TG: so basically were stuck on that front until we reach the new session
TG: just like every other front
GG: pretty much :/
GG: no quests for us
GG: none of them
TG: damn and i was looking forward to being hella cryptic all up in this joint while you and john stumbled around like chumps
GG: awww
GG: maybe in three years!
TG: its a date
GG: :DDD
TG: but frogs
TG: i was promised frogs
TG: stampeding ones
TG: not crispy fried ones
GG: poor fried bs jr :(
GG: someday we will save him from his fiery doom!
GG: hmm
GG: now i wonder what fried frogs taste like...?
TG: chicken
TG: duh
TG: cmon harley get with the program everybody and their dog knows all weird ass food tastes like chicken
TG: its an fda requirement
GG: oh really?
GG: but remember im probably not an american citizen
GG: the fda has no jurisdiction over my island
GG: and definitely not over lofaf!
TG: how dare you doubt the power and reach of the fda young lady for shame
TG: next thing you know youll be saying you dont recognize the power of cool
GG: :O
GG: never!
GG: also you are sidetracking me again, mister!
GG: for someone demanding a story you are very bad at letting me tell it
TG: oh shit shes on to me
TG: abort abort abort
GG: lol :)
GG: ANYWAY
GG: there i was on the roof with a broken appearifier, a broken ecto-cloning machine, and a whole lot of frog corpses
GG: and i mean a LOT of dead frogs
TG: frogpocalypse
GG: total frogpocalypse
GG: slime and pieces everywhere :(
GG: i didnt want to leave the poor frogs there all bloody and dismembered
TG: jade harley, chief mourner of the croaking tribe
GG: :p
GG: a little, sure, but mostly i just wanted a clean roof!
GG: so i shoved all the frogs into my sylladex and flew down to find a good place to bury them
GG: or dump them in a lake, whichever
TG: shouldve zapped over to lohac and given them to the nakkodiles
TG: those dudes are always looking for weird shit to dump into stewpots
TG: bet you could make a mint selling frog legs
GG: hmm!
GG: or mushrooms from lowas, maybe
GG: the salamanders never seem to run out of those
GG: do roses turtles grow anything, do you know?
TG: they used to in the other timeline
TG: these sort of rainbow fruit things
TG: never did figure out how the trees grew in all that sand
GG: it is a mystery! like everything else about sburb
GG: hopefully there are enough mysteries to keep us from going nuts in the next three years
TG: what do you mean going nuts
TG: arent you already there
GG: D:
GG: DDDDDDDDD:
TG: shit
TG: sorry
GG: ...
GG: gotcha! hahahaha!!!
GG: and you are distracting me AGAIN
TG: yeah
TG: well
TG: youre not trying very hard to stop me
GG: i guess i havent been, have i?
GG: obviously we need to practice this story telling and story listening thing
GG: who knows, the fate of the universe might someday depend on our efficiency at conveying information without constant digressions!
TG: nah
TG: never happen
GG: lol :D
GG: where was i?
TG: frogs in sylladex, flying down in search of a landfill
GG: right, thanks!
GG: long story short, i didnt find a good place to bury the frogs because everywhere i looked there were already a million frogs!
GG: and it seemed a little weird to be all
GG: hi there frog ladies and frog gentlemen
GG: let me introduce you to your brutally murdered friends and neighbors
GG: which is a very silly thing to worry about, i know, since its not like the frogs are sentient enough to know let alone to care
GG: and besides death is a natural part of life
GG: but i guess im still a little
GG: um
GG: you know
GG: after everything
GG: i think rose would say im projecting or displacing in a transparently obvious and yet quite understandable effort to soften the impact of deep emotional trauma on various interconnected levels
GG: or something like that
TG: throw in a nod to repression and latent homosocial bonding and id say youve got an a plus spot on impression
GG: ha
GG: yeah
GG: i miss rose already
GG: i always thought that when we got into the medium and played sburb, it would be the most awesome and wonderful adventure and id finally get to meet all of my best friends
GG: i was looking forward to that so much
GG: i DID meet john and you and dave
GG: and it certainly was an adventure!
GG: but awesome and wonderful are not the words id pick to describe what happened
GG: and i never did get to meet rose in person
GG: i saw her through my junior compusooth spectagoggles, but that hardly counts, id seen her the same way in skaias clouds lots of times before
GG: i wanted to give her a hug and see if she was ticklish and i could make her laugh
GG: :(
TG: shes ticklish
TG: but dont try it
TG: her vengeance is swift and terrible
GG: ha, i bet!
GG: but see, thats the kind of thing i wanted to learn for myself
GG: like how john forgets to put on his glasses when he gets up and kind of wobbles back and forth on his way to the shower in the morning
GG: or how you and dave lurk in corners and mumble to yourselves
GG: stuff you actually have to live with a person to know
TG: like your complete inability to comprehend the use of the utensil commonly known as a fork
GG: i comprehend just fine!
GG: i dont see the point of them, is all
GG: a knife cuts things, a spoon picks up liquids, those make sense
GG: but all a fork does is imitate the grasping ability of fingers
GG: badly
GG: because it cant actually grasp and has to stab things instead
GG: even chopsticks make more sense than forks!
TG: how do you not see the point of forks
TG: seriously the point is right there
TG: three or four of them in fact
TG: being all pointy and shit
GG: :p
GG: yes yes i know
GG: and john says the point is so you dont get food all over your fingers
GG: but really, isnt THAT the point of a napkin???
TG: utensils how do they even work
TG: oh fuckdammit
TG: i keep using that phrase
TG: its totally a meme i recognize that brain virus power when i see it
TG: but its not one of my memes
TG: i reject all immigrant memes they steal jobs from my own words
TG: leave them begging on the streets
TG: hey mister hey mister can you gimme a paragraph
TG: just one sentence even ill make it worth your time i swear dress your voice up so fancy theyll think youre the king of france
TG: but its all
TG: nope
TG: sorry
TG: this space already taken
TG: poor homeless memes dying starving in the rain
TG: i wont be party to meme disenfranchisement jade
TG: hit me with your magic newspaper if i use that interloper again
GG: lol! :)
GG: you are so weird
GG: but in a good way
GG: and yes, i promise ill smack your nose if you use that meme again
TG: awesome
TG: i knew i could count on you
GG: thats what friends are for!
TG: we are unquestionably the best at friendship
GG: it is us :D
GG: and also the best at tangents, wow, how did we get so far off track?
TG: scrolling up i have to say i think this one was all on you
GG: hmm
GG: im the one who brought up rose, thats true
GG: shed probably say were rambling as an avoidance technique
GG: except i dont think theres anything to avoid in a story about stampeding frogs
GG: honestly who wouldnt want to hear about stampeding frogs?
TG: nobody i want to know
GG: exactly!
GG: so why do we keep going off on tangents?
TG: beats me
TG: but
TG: you know what
TG: this right here
TG: come in close ill whisper a secret in your ear
GG: ok tell me!
TG: this
TG: is
TG: a
TG: tangent
GG: omg
GG: youre right
GG: it is!
GG: look how sneakily it snuck up on us!
GG: wow you are such a genius, how did you notice its tracks before it pounced?
TG: hey now no need to break out the sarcasm
GG: :D
GG: youre just really easy to talk to, you know?
GG: it reminds me of how we used to kill time before sburb, talking about stupid stuff for hours
GG: maybe thats all this is
GG: trying to get that back
TG: maybe
TG: but anyway frogs
TG: talk to me about frogs
TG: make sweet digital love to my eyes with extensive narration on the topic of frogs
GG: ok
GG: so i was having trouble figuring out where to put the dead frog puree
GG: when i remembered that hey, im the witch of space
GG: awesome green zappy space powers are now a handy dandy way to take a third option when presented with previously insurmountable obstacles!
GG: so i hollowed out a place underground, zapped the frogs into it, and then i just had a bunch of dirt to deal with instead of a bunch of frog corpses
TG: k makes sense
TG: still not seeing how this leads to mass frog hysteria though
TG: did you drop the dirt and make them think oh shit earthquake
GG: no i did not drop the dirt
GG: ok yes i dropped it
GG: but i dropped it into the volcano so its not like anyone noticed
GG: but see, using my awesome spacey powers got me thinking
TG: awesome spacey powers
TG: yeah
TG: ok
GG: lol
GG: AWESOME SPACEY POWERS!!!
GG: why is johns power the only one that doesnt sound completely stupid in that form?
GG: windy thing is silly but not as silly as spacey thing
GG: let alone timey thing
GG: or...
GG: what would we call roses powers?
GG: lighty thing? shiny thing? glowy thing?
TG: sparkly thing
GG: sparkly thing! yes, perfect!
GG: silly sparkly seer stuff :DDD
GG: but anyway!
GG: using my awesome spacey powers reminded me that even though ive had them for a week now ive just been using them by instinct
GG: and some leftover knowledge from bec and sprite me
GG: instead of taking the time to experiment and set rigorous scientific boundaries on what i can and cant do
GG: so i decided to fool around a little and get some idea for what i need to research
TG: sounds legit
TG: hey
TG: will you need a lab assistant for this project dr harley
GG: why, are you volunteering mister strider?
GG: what are your qualifications for the position?
TG: one eidetic sprite memory
TG: two ability to write notes on any surface
TG: three i bring my own soundtrack for long voyage of discovery montages
GG: hmm
GG: i dont know, tell me more
TG: four i look damn sexy in a labcoat
GG: sold!
GG: ;)
TG: sweet
GG: but back to the saga of the stampeding frogs!
GG: long story short
TG: you call this short
GG: LONG STORY SHORT!!! D:<
GG: i figured that if i can shrink other things, like planets and everything on them
GG: and if i can adjust my own size so its correct relative to those shrunken planets
GG: which obviously i can since its how ive been getting us to and from our lands
GG: theres no reason i shouldnt be able to shrink myself relative to some other object
TG: except for the whole thing where subatomic particles are already as small as they can physically get so your powers make no sense from the word go
TG: yes i do remember your lectures on nuclear physics so sue me
TG: but sure why not
TG: shrink all the things
GG: im annoyed about the part where i break physics too, and im going to solve it sooner or later!
GG: but for the moment im just waving my hands and calling it magic until i come up with some testable hypotheses
GG: and finding the rules and limits of my spacey thing will help me find the shape of the questions i need to ask
GG: so, long story short..............
TG: you shrank yourself
GG: i shrank
GG: davesprite!!!!
GG: grrr, stop being a ninja speed typist!
TG: im made of code i type with my brain
TG: not my fault you cant keep up with my awesome spritely powers
GG: maybe not now
GG: but just wait, i will come up with a hands free computing system that works via brainwaves
GG: i have the knowledge and the grist to do that!
TG: never said you didnt
TG: so there you were on lofaf
TG: all pocket sized
TG: surrounded by frogs
TG: ...
TG: jade
TG: tell me you didnt
GG: i totally did :D
GG: who needs ponies when you can ride frogs!
TG: im headdesking so hard right now you have no idea
TG: literally headdesking
TG: all the headdesks
TG: all of them
GG: liar, your room on the ship doesnt have a desk
GG: ...
GG: wait
GG: davesprite
GG: are you in my room?
TG: so tell me harley
TG: how do you ride a frog
TG: did you make up tiny harnesses out of your rainbow memory bands
TG: did you
TG: gasp
TG: ride them bareback
TG: does the slime make it hard to keep your place
TG: all slick against your thighs as you spread them and
TG: wait
GG: um...
TG: wait no
TG: that went to the wrong place
TG: unread that jade
TG: that never happened
GG: typing at the speed of your brain has a downside, who knew!
TG: who indeed
GG: apparently we do now
TG: yeah
GG: um
GG: so yeah, i rode one of the frogs
GG: no, i did not make a harness
GG: and yes, that meant it was hard to stay on
GG: not so much because of the slime but because frogs are not built like horses
GG: they are very wide
GG: also they hop
GG: so i had to lie down on its back and put my arms around its neck and hang on for dear life
GG: but it was awesome!!!
GG: until the frog panicked because it thought i was a predator trying to eat it or something
GG: and then all the other frogs panicked
GG: and they bolted for the lake because i guess its safer for frogs to be underwater
TG: and thus we finally reach the point of the story
GG: yep!
GG: a stampede of frogs!
GG: i didnt realize they were heading for the lake because my face was jammed against the frogs neck and i couldnt see over its head
GG: so there i was, thinking wheeee, most fun ever!!!
GG: and then splash, lake up my nose
TG: bleh
GG: if id known and had had a chance to take a deep breath i wouldnt have minded so much
GG: even with water up my nose and my glasses knocked off it was still pretty cool
GG: like swimming in a school of fish except instead of fish theyre frogs and also one frog is doing the swimming for you
TG: huh
TG: next time wear a camera
TG: well do a series of nature specials
TG: the wild flora and fauna of sburb
GG: what makes you think theres going to be a next time?
GG: maybe i have learned my lesson about riding frogs
TG: of course theres going to be a next time
TG: its an adventure its fun and its for science
TG: trifecta of irresistibility
GG: ok you win
GG: there will be a next time!
TG: cool for my prize i demand you take me too
TG: in fact take me now
TG: john just found me oh shit he brought jaspers
TG: and catnip
TG: that fucker
GG: no problem, just tell me where you are!
TG: your room
TG: like you already knew
TG: now come save me
GG: its a date :D
-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
---------------------------------------------
End of Story
---------------------------------------------
Look, I wrote something! \o/
I dunno, I've just been feeling very grey these past couple weeks. Some of that I blame on the weather -- extreme cold makes me want to curl up and hibernate -- but I lot I blame on bad sleep patterns (one day of binge sleeping followed by two days of way too little sleep, lather, rinse, repeat) and just... general lack of spoons, I guess. I have been spending them all on everyday life and have had hardly any left over for writing or human interaction online. But today a sleep binge has coincided with a day off from work, and I am feeling a little more together in general. Already I have cleaned my bathroom and finished a fic, and in an hour I will go buy groceries and various useful things from Target (shower curtain, new umbrella, etc.), so hopefully this is me turning a corner and not just an isolated bright spot in the dreariness.
*crosses fingers*
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