[Fic] "An Ounce of Prevention" chapter 5 -- Naruto/Harry Potter; David Brin's Uplift Saga
This is part 5 of An Ounce of Prevention, which is a Naruto/Harry Potter crossover that I started as a giftfic for askerian.
Technically, it's an insertion of one element of HP into the Naruto world, but that does count as a crossover of sorts, and the HP element will be playing a larger role as time goes on. This story will not affect canon in either series; that is, it takes place during the Naruto timeskip, and significantly before CoS in HP.
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Chapter 5: Assumptions Make
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"This is a three-phase mission," Anko told Sakura as she shoved open the mission center doors. "Phase one, figure out the seal on that book. Phase two, figure out Hanjimono Tomu's origin and history. Those are mostly your problem, but I've seen a lot of weird shit in my day, so keep me in the loop. Phase three is me keeping an eye on you to make sure you don't go bugfuck crazy, turn traitor, or just get stupid and let things slip."
Anko's phrasing was a little unprofessional, but the analysis was spot-on, Sakura thought. Well, there had to be a reason the woman was a special jounin, right? Maybe this wouldn't be too awful.
"I can't tell if you're acting suspicious unless I know your normal behavior patterns. So I'm moving in with you," Anko concluded.
"WHAT?" Sakura stopped dead in the middle of the street, and then hastily jumped to a roof to avoid people's curious stares. "I think I misheard you," she said when Anko followed her. "Why would you move in with me?"
"For the mission," Anko said in a tone of oppressed reasonableness. "Unless you'd rather stay at my apartment? I don't care either way, but we're going to live together. Genin observers are a good supplement, but you're effectively high chuunin level -- I checked your stats -- and you can't monitor things like breathing patterns and bad dreams from a distance."
"But--"
"But nothing. Security can't be taken lightly, and you never know what delayed effects seals can have." Anko pointed a long, sharp-nailed finger at Sakura, her expression abruptly serious. "The day you have half my experience with psychological manipulation and coercion, you can question my judgment, but unless your parents are sleeper agents or that loudmouth teammate of yours talks you into joining Akatsuki, you won't get that experience for at least another decade. So -- my place or yours?"
Sakura fumed, but she conceded the logic. "Yours. My parents already worry about my sanity; I don't need you to give them heart attacks."
"Me? Shock the law-abiding citizens of Konoha? Never!" Anko licked her lips and grinned at Sakura's scowl.
"I hate you," Sakura grumbled.
"And I don't care," Anko said. "Let's grab your things and get you settled in."
It took half an hour for Sakura to pack some clothes and other necessities, and another half hour to set up Anko's spare room to her satisfaction, which was less time than she'd expected. Anko's home was surprisingly neat and clean, though the semi-pornographic woodcuts on the walls and the metal tub of empty sake bottles in the kitchen lent a certain disreputable atmosphere. Sakura pulled down the two pictures in her new room and stashed them in the closet, behind the bandage rolls, the weapon chest, and the haphazard collection of men's clothes.
"I can't work with things like that in my face," she told Anko when the special jounin looked speculatively at the brighter rectangles of paint on the walls. "Add that to your baseline profile."
"Well, I can see how they'd disrupt your concentration," Anko said with an air of gracious pity. "Not everyone has my finely honed ability to tune out such appealing distraction."
Sakura gritted her teeth and tamped down the furious shriek echoing in the back of her head. Horny, half-naked strangers were not appealing. (If the pictures were of Sasuke-kun, on the other hand... but no. This wasn't the time for that.) "So. Now what?"
Anko dropped to slouch on the futon and tossed Tomu's diary toward Sakura. "Now you show me how that thing works. I ran some basic diagnostics while you fussed around, and I can't make heads or tails out of the seal -- all I can tell is that it's storing a hell of a lot of chakra somewhere in there. I want to watch it in operation, and get my own sense of this Tomu character, before you tell me your impressions."
Sakura moved toward Anko's desk, running her fingers over the book to check for damage. She hoped Anko hadn't hurt Tomu... and come to think of it, when had Anko gotten her hands on the diary? Sakura hadn't given it to her.
"Anko-san, how did--"
"You need better security on your pack," Anko said before Sakura could finish her question. "It's usually redundant within Konoha, but it's safer to make traps and telltales a habit."
Sakura gritted her teeth again. "Right. I'm going to spend fifteen minutes talking with Tomu. Please don't jostle me while I'm writing." She inked her brush and opened the diary, trying to ignore Anko's hovering presence at her shoulder.
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End of Chapter
Back to Birds of a Feather
Continue to Too Many Cooks
Read the final version on ff.net
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Nothing much has happened lately in real life. JH will get back from Rochester this weekend, so my work schedule will get all the way back to normal. It's already cut back from crazy holiday hours, but I'm stil averaging well over 30 hours a week, which is a lot for a part-time employee.
I am still having fun working on "The Transient and the Eternal." I've started chapter 11 of "Lemonade," and this morning I got another 150 words of "Secrets" chapter 11. I really do want to get that chapter done and posted by the end of the month, and hopefully work up some momentum to get through chapter 12. I want that story FINISHED.
And I wrote a sort of epilogue to "Locked Room Problems," my WTF BtVS/Indiana Jones crossover, but it's... strange... and I want to look at it very critically before I post it.
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I finally read David Brin's Startide Rising and The Uplift War, which I'd vaguely meant to read for several years now. They're quite good, and I would recommend them without reservations, except for three things. One is the use of psychic powers without A: an attempt at scientific rationalization (a la Catherine Asaro), B: an explicit consignment of such things to a semi-mystical realm (a la Star Wars), or C: a tacit admission that the whole thing is bunk by keeping the rest of the story light and likewise silly.
The second irritating thing is the way Brin wants to pair up all his characters into romantic/sexual relationships. Honestly, not everyone has to be tied up with a red bow by the end of the story! Especially when a few of the relationships feel a bit like they exist for the sake of existing, rather than because the characters involved would actually work well together and want to start such a relationship. (Athaclena's unnamed male friend at the end of The Uplift War, I am looking Right At You.)
The third problematic factor is the (to me) extraordinarily irritating logical lapse displayed by every single character in Brin's freaking UNIVERSE. Follow me here, please: the conceit of Brin's Uplift universe is that intelligent, starfaring species do not arise on their own. Species reach a certain limited stage of intelligence, whereupon other, fully sentient (and his use of the word sentient, btw, is extremely fuzzy) species 'uplift' the pre-sentients to full intelligence. The uplifted species is a client race, and serves their patrons for a hundred thousand years, after which they can become patrons themselves. This pattern dates back farther than the recorded memory of the Five Galaxies.
Humans appear to break this rule. We have no patrons. There is immense consternation over this in the Uplift universe, with the aliens insisting that some species must have started to uplift humans and then left without finishing the job and instructing the newly intelligent species. Self-uplift -- the evolution of intelligence, is impossible.
And yet.
It cannot be impossible. Some species had to evolve intelligence on their own, in order to start the chain of uplift!
Nobody in the books EVER makes that damn point. EVER. It is enough to drive me INSANE. (Okay, there's a vague implication at one point that there are religious cults based around the semi-mythical Progenitors -- that first race -- so it would perhaps be very impolitic to compare humans to them, but that difficulty should either be explicitly addressed, or somebody should, you know, point out to the aliens that they don't seem all that intelligent if they can't make a simple logical comparison.)
Beyond those three points, though, which are admittedly fairly minor, the books are great! They're space opera with a hard sf patina, populated by engaging characters, and while the various Earth species (humans, dolphins, chimpanzees) do get most of the focus, there are constant reminders that this is a very old, very large universe, and Earth is a very small part of it.
Technically, it's an insertion of one element of HP into the Naruto world, but that does count as a crossover of sorts, and the HP element will be playing a larger role as time goes on. This story will not affect canon in either series; that is, it takes place during the Naruto timeskip, and significantly before CoS in HP.
---------------------------------------------
Chapter 5: Assumptions Make
---------------------------------------------
"This is a three-phase mission," Anko told Sakura as she shoved open the mission center doors. "Phase one, figure out the seal on that book. Phase two, figure out Hanjimono Tomu's origin and history. Those are mostly your problem, but I've seen a lot of weird shit in my day, so keep me in the loop. Phase three is me keeping an eye on you to make sure you don't go bugfuck crazy, turn traitor, or just get stupid and let things slip."
Anko's phrasing was a little unprofessional, but the analysis was spot-on, Sakura thought. Well, there had to be a reason the woman was a special jounin, right? Maybe this wouldn't be too awful.
"I can't tell if you're acting suspicious unless I know your normal behavior patterns. So I'm moving in with you," Anko concluded.
"WHAT?" Sakura stopped dead in the middle of the street, and then hastily jumped to a roof to avoid people's curious stares. "I think I misheard you," she said when Anko followed her. "Why would you move in with me?"
"For the mission," Anko said in a tone of oppressed reasonableness. "Unless you'd rather stay at my apartment? I don't care either way, but we're going to live together. Genin observers are a good supplement, but you're effectively high chuunin level -- I checked your stats -- and you can't monitor things like breathing patterns and bad dreams from a distance."
"But--"
"But nothing. Security can't be taken lightly, and you never know what delayed effects seals can have." Anko pointed a long, sharp-nailed finger at Sakura, her expression abruptly serious. "The day you have half my experience with psychological manipulation and coercion, you can question my judgment, but unless your parents are sleeper agents or that loudmouth teammate of yours talks you into joining Akatsuki, you won't get that experience for at least another decade. So -- my place or yours?"
Sakura fumed, but she conceded the logic. "Yours. My parents already worry about my sanity; I don't need you to give them heart attacks."
"Me? Shock the law-abiding citizens of Konoha? Never!" Anko licked her lips and grinned at Sakura's scowl.
"I hate you," Sakura grumbled.
"And I don't care," Anko said. "Let's grab your things and get you settled in."
It took half an hour for Sakura to pack some clothes and other necessities, and another half hour to set up Anko's spare room to her satisfaction, which was less time than she'd expected. Anko's home was surprisingly neat and clean, though the semi-pornographic woodcuts on the walls and the metal tub of empty sake bottles in the kitchen lent a certain disreputable atmosphere. Sakura pulled down the two pictures in her new room and stashed them in the closet, behind the bandage rolls, the weapon chest, and the haphazard collection of men's clothes.
"I can't work with things like that in my face," she told Anko when the special jounin looked speculatively at the brighter rectangles of paint on the walls. "Add that to your baseline profile."
"Well, I can see how they'd disrupt your concentration," Anko said with an air of gracious pity. "Not everyone has my finely honed ability to tune out such appealing distraction."
Sakura gritted her teeth and tamped down the furious shriek echoing in the back of her head. Horny, half-naked strangers were not appealing. (If the pictures were of Sasuke-kun, on the other hand... but no. This wasn't the time for that.) "So. Now what?"
Anko dropped to slouch on the futon and tossed Tomu's diary toward Sakura. "Now you show me how that thing works. I ran some basic diagnostics while you fussed around, and I can't make heads or tails out of the seal -- all I can tell is that it's storing a hell of a lot of chakra somewhere in there. I want to watch it in operation, and get my own sense of this Tomu character, before you tell me your impressions."
Sakura moved toward Anko's desk, running her fingers over the book to check for damage. She hoped Anko hadn't hurt Tomu... and come to think of it, when had Anko gotten her hands on the diary? Sakura hadn't given it to her.
"Anko-san, how did--"
"You need better security on your pack," Anko said before Sakura could finish her question. "It's usually redundant within Konoha, but it's safer to make traps and telltales a habit."
Sakura gritted her teeth again. "Right. I'm going to spend fifteen minutes talking with Tomu. Please don't jostle me while I'm writing." She inked her brush and opened the diary, trying to ignore Anko's hovering presence at her shoulder.
---------------------------------------------
End of Chapter
Back to Birds of a Feather
Continue to Too Many Cooks
Read the final version on ff.net
---------------------------------------------
Nothing much has happened lately in real life. JH will get back from Rochester this weekend, so my work schedule will get all the way back to normal. It's already cut back from crazy holiday hours, but I'm stil averaging well over 30 hours a week, which is a lot for a part-time employee.
I am still having fun working on "The Transient and the Eternal." I've started chapter 11 of "Lemonade," and this morning I got another 150 words of "Secrets" chapter 11. I really do want to get that chapter done and posted by the end of the month, and hopefully work up some momentum to get through chapter 12. I want that story FINISHED.
And I wrote a sort of epilogue to "Locked Room Problems," my WTF BtVS/Indiana Jones crossover, but it's... strange... and I want to look at it very critically before I post it.
---------------------------------------------
I finally read David Brin's Startide Rising and The Uplift War, which I'd vaguely meant to read for several years now. They're quite good, and I would recommend them without reservations, except for three things. One is the use of psychic powers without A: an attempt at scientific rationalization (a la Catherine Asaro), B: an explicit consignment of such things to a semi-mystical realm (a la Star Wars), or C: a tacit admission that the whole thing is bunk by keeping the rest of the story light and likewise silly.
The second irritating thing is the way Brin wants to pair up all his characters into romantic/sexual relationships. Honestly, not everyone has to be tied up with a red bow by the end of the story! Especially when a few of the relationships feel a bit like they exist for the sake of existing, rather than because the characters involved would actually work well together and want to start such a relationship. (Athaclena's unnamed male friend at the end of The Uplift War, I am looking Right At You.)
The third problematic factor is the (to me) extraordinarily irritating logical lapse displayed by every single character in Brin's freaking UNIVERSE. Follow me here, please: the conceit of Brin's Uplift universe is that intelligent, starfaring species do not arise on their own. Species reach a certain limited stage of intelligence, whereupon other, fully sentient (and his use of the word sentient, btw, is extremely fuzzy) species 'uplift' the pre-sentients to full intelligence. The uplifted species is a client race, and serves their patrons for a hundred thousand years, after which they can become patrons themselves. This pattern dates back farther than the recorded memory of the Five Galaxies.
Humans appear to break this rule. We have no patrons. There is immense consternation over this in the Uplift universe, with the aliens insisting that some species must have started to uplift humans and then left without finishing the job and instructing the newly intelligent species. Self-uplift -- the evolution of intelligence, is impossible.
And yet.
It cannot be impossible. Some species had to evolve intelligence on their own, in order to start the chain of uplift!
Nobody in the books EVER makes that damn point. EVER. It is enough to drive me INSANE. (Okay, there's a vague implication at one point that there are religious cults based around the semi-mythical Progenitors -- that first race -- so it would perhaps be very impolitic to compare humans to them, but that difficulty should either be explicitly addressed, or somebody should, you know, point out to the aliens that they don't seem all that intelligent if they can't make a simple logical comparison.)
Beyond those three points, though, which are admittedly fairly minor, the books are great! They're space opera with a hard sf patina, populated by engaging characters, and while the various Earth species (humans, dolphins, chimpanzees) do get most of the focus, there are constant reminders that this is a very old, very large universe, and Earth is a very small part of it.