so i wrote my way out of the labyrinth (instead of studying for o levels)
When I was fourteen, we had to give presentations for a Speech class. We’d been assigned topics earlier, so I had a rough speech mentally planned on the importance of money and economics (really, no one bothers actually writing a speech for this sort of thing), but in class, we had a different teacher who told us we could speak about anything we wanted. So I spoke about homosexuality.
I cannot remember what on earth I said anymore - in all likelihood I got nervous and babbled some barely-thought through argument about why I supported LGBTQ rights so strongly. At the end of it, the teacher gave me a small prize, despite the fact that I definitely wasn’t the best speaker - because I had courage, he said.
Did I? There were less than fifteen people in the class, and they were all my friends, people I could trust not to spray paint FAG LOVER or something equally nasty on my desk or something after school. But I wasn’t all that courageous. Firstly, I didn’t dare tell my parents when I got home from school, even though my winning a prize at something as nerve-wrecking for me as PUBLIC FREAKIN SPEAKING was a big deal to me at the time. My parents had never said outright that they were homophobic, but it was easy enough to infer. I always knew they sort of kept it turned down because they had a kid like me - overly self righteous and with the mistaken belief that every wrong in the world has the potential to be righted. Perhaps they were even a little proud that their daughter cared for people that she had not even met, despite the fact it sort of went against the Christian values they were supposed to have taught me - though I suppose this much is kind of wishful thinking on my part. I couldn’t tell my parents, as much as I couldn’t reply immediately when my mother challenged me once, “Well, you do agree that it’s a sin, right? That it’s wrong?”
If this had happened to me again now, or if she had asked me that question again, I know exactly how I would respond. But even if I did that, I wouldn’t consider myself particularly courageous. I don’t have to live with being homosexual or bisexual or transsexual. I’ve never really been bullied in my life. I can’t imagine what it must be like for someone to have to live like that - either keeping it a secret, or being, as people put it, out and proud, and then bullied for their way of life.
I think people who dare to be different in this way are so freaking courageous I can’t even begin to describe it. It’s so easy to want to reject part of yourself, to be the same as everyone else, just so you can be accepted. But I think that people who choose to live their life this way are so, so brave, and I wish people would just make it a little easier for them.
I was thinking on graduation about what it meant to love someone. People always say that kids don’t understand what love is, that ‘love’ is a term thrown around too freely, that it’s way too complicated to just slip out of your mouth like it means nothing. But I think I love these people a little, even if I don’t know them, for being so strong. And I love the people who have made the choice to keep their secret as well - because no one who has to keep something like that hidden from the world should go unloved, really.
I suppose one of the biggest questions is why I care so much. I’m straight, I don’t have any friends who are openly gay or who have told me they were gay, and I’m a Christian, so my religion is supposedly against this sort of thing. It would be so much easier for me to just close my eyes and ignore it - I bet I could, even.
One of the reasons is kind of personal, and sort of selfish, but I'm being honest, so I shall put it here. I have family and friends who love me right now, despite my being the slightly strange and really nerdy girl that I am. And I can’t help but wonder how much of that would change if I were a lesbian, or if I were bisexual. I know I would be the most supportive sister anyone could ever hope for if my siblings were LGBTQ, but what if I were the one? Also, while most of my friends believe in LGBTQ rights, I do have friends who believe that homosexuality is a choice, that it is a sin, that homosexuals should be punished, etc. Would they still be my friends if I were homosexual? Or what if I had a child who was LGBTQ? What kind of world would I be bringing him or her into? I would never be able to look at that child in the eye, I’d just be thinking: this is the world my generation, and the generations before that, created. I’m sorry I can’t do anything about it.
Another reason is precisely because of the fact that I am a Christian. I hate it when people use religion as some sort of a shield for their homophobia. “It’s in the Bible - homosexuality is a sin. They chose this. They’ll burn in hell for this. It’s unnatural.” It doesn’t take a genius to know that Man wrote the Bible, and any history student with a bit of sense can tell you that that makes it unreliable, in some way. And also, ask any Christian what the basis of Christianity is (other than the belief in God and Jesus, of course) - it is Love. How can any Christian condemn another human being for something like love? Kurt Hummel, a character in Glee, said in a recent episode, “I don’t believe in God. He makes me gay then has His followers tell me it’s something I chose. As if someone would choose to be mocked every single day.” It’s ironic that Christians, who are supposed to spread God’s love, can through their blatantly intolerant behaviour turn others away from religion. I’ve long stopped believing that religion is something you get straight out of the Bible. To me, Christianity is about love and acceptance, about faith and your own relationship with God. I believe in God because when I pray, I can feel Him there. And a presence as calming and loving as His could never, ever tell me it is right to hate or condemn someone for their sexuality. For anything.
And I suppose the greatest reason is the most obvious one - they have a right to live their life how they see fit. They aren’t hurting anyone. There’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing. People shouldn’t condemn others for what they are. How is it any different from condemning a person for their race, their religion, or their gender? How is it any more acceptable? What ridiculous reason can you come up with for justifying what you do to them? Mao Zedong once said: Women hold up half the sky. While the LGBTQ community doesn’t necessarily make up half our population, they’re still a sizeable portion of it. They’re still part of the human race; they’re still our neighbours, still one of us.
It hurts me that LGBTQ people have to live like this - because they don’t have to. I mean, things could be so much better for them if people could just learn to be more accepting.
I once read something someone said about how he hoped the term ‘faggot’ would be as strange to listeners as ‘coloured’ now is, when used to describe, well, people of colour. That’s something I hope for too. People are already so much more accepting, and it really gives me hope.
I don’t know if this will reach anyone who needs to hear it, but the internet has been known to work in strange ways. (: I know I haven’t written everything I want to say in this post, but it’s what I have to say for now. I hope it means something to someone.
I cannot remember what on earth I said anymore - in all likelihood I got nervous and babbled some barely-thought through argument about why I supported LGBTQ rights so strongly. At the end of it, the teacher gave me a small prize, despite the fact that I definitely wasn’t the best speaker - because I had courage, he said.
Did I? There were less than fifteen people in the class, and they were all my friends, people I could trust not to spray paint FAG LOVER or something equally nasty on my desk or something after school. But I wasn’t all that courageous. Firstly, I didn’t dare tell my parents when I got home from school, even though my winning a prize at something as nerve-wrecking for me as PUBLIC FREAKIN SPEAKING was a big deal to me at the time. My parents had never said outright that they were homophobic, but it was easy enough to infer. I always knew they sort of kept it turned down because they had a kid like me - overly self righteous and with the mistaken belief that every wrong in the world has the potential to be righted. Perhaps they were even a little proud that their daughter cared for people that she had not even met, despite the fact it sort of went against the Christian values they were supposed to have taught me - though I suppose this much is kind of wishful thinking on my part. I couldn’t tell my parents, as much as I couldn’t reply immediately when my mother challenged me once, “Well, you do agree that it’s a sin, right? That it’s wrong?”
If this had happened to me again now, or if she had asked me that question again, I know exactly how I would respond. But even if I did that, I wouldn’t consider myself particularly courageous. I don’t have to live with being homosexual or bisexual or transsexual. I’ve never really been bullied in my life. I can’t imagine what it must be like for someone to have to live like that - either keeping it a secret, or being, as people put it, out and proud, and then bullied for their way of life.
I think people who dare to be different in this way are so freaking courageous I can’t even begin to describe it. It’s so easy to want to reject part of yourself, to be the same as everyone else, just so you can be accepted. But I think that people who choose to live their life this way are so, so brave, and I wish people would just make it a little easier for them.
I was thinking on graduation about what it meant to love someone. People always say that kids don’t understand what love is, that ‘love’ is a term thrown around too freely, that it’s way too complicated to just slip out of your mouth like it means nothing. But I think I love these people a little, even if I don’t know them, for being so strong. And I love the people who have made the choice to keep their secret as well - because no one who has to keep something like that hidden from the world should go unloved, really.
I suppose one of the biggest questions is why I care so much. I’m straight, I don’t have any friends who are openly gay or who have told me they were gay, and I’m a Christian, so my religion is supposedly against this sort of thing. It would be so much easier for me to just close my eyes and ignore it - I bet I could, even.
One of the reasons is kind of personal, and sort of selfish, but I'm being honest, so I shall put it here. I have family and friends who love me right now, despite my being the slightly strange and really nerdy girl that I am. And I can’t help but wonder how much of that would change if I were a lesbian, or if I were bisexual. I know I would be the most supportive sister anyone could ever hope for if my siblings were LGBTQ, but what if I were the one? Also, while most of my friends believe in LGBTQ rights, I do have friends who believe that homosexuality is a choice, that it is a sin, that homosexuals should be punished, etc. Would they still be my friends if I were homosexual? Or what if I had a child who was LGBTQ? What kind of world would I be bringing him or her into? I would never be able to look at that child in the eye, I’d just be thinking: this is the world my generation, and the generations before that, created. I’m sorry I can’t do anything about it.
Another reason is precisely because of the fact that I am a Christian. I hate it when people use religion as some sort of a shield for their homophobia. “It’s in the Bible - homosexuality is a sin. They chose this. They’ll burn in hell for this. It’s unnatural.” It doesn’t take a genius to know that Man wrote the Bible, and any history student with a bit of sense can tell you that that makes it unreliable, in some way. And also, ask any Christian what the basis of Christianity is (other than the belief in God and Jesus, of course) - it is Love. How can any Christian condemn another human being for something like love? Kurt Hummel, a character in Glee, said in a recent episode, “I don’t believe in God. He makes me gay then has His followers tell me it’s something I chose. As if someone would choose to be mocked every single day.” It’s ironic that Christians, who are supposed to spread God’s love, can through their blatantly intolerant behaviour turn others away from religion. I’ve long stopped believing that religion is something you get straight out of the Bible. To me, Christianity is about love and acceptance, about faith and your own relationship with God. I believe in God because when I pray, I can feel Him there. And a presence as calming and loving as His could never, ever tell me it is right to hate or condemn someone for their sexuality. For anything.
And I suppose the greatest reason is the most obvious one - they have a right to live their life how they see fit. They aren’t hurting anyone. There’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing. People shouldn’t condemn others for what they are. How is it any different from condemning a person for their race, their religion, or their gender? How is it any more acceptable? What ridiculous reason can you come up with for justifying what you do to them? Mao Zedong once said: Women hold up half the sky. While the LGBTQ community doesn’t necessarily make up half our population, they’re still a sizeable portion of it. They’re still part of the human race; they’re still our neighbours, still one of us.
It hurts me that LGBTQ people have to live like this - because they don’t have to. I mean, things could be so much better for them if people could just learn to be more accepting.
I once read something someone said about how he hoped the term ‘faggot’ would be as strange to listeners as ‘coloured’ now is, when used to describe, well, people of colour. That’s something I hope for too. People are already so much more accepting, and it really gives me hope.
I don’t know if this will reach anyone who needs to hear it, but the internet has been known to work in strange ways. (: I know I haven’t written everything I want to say in this post, but it’s what I have to say for now. I hope it means something to someone.
Click to view