My desire for a life

[edendreams]

Y'know it's been hitting hard lately that i'm going no where. I pour everything i have into my job because i look upon myself as a failure when it comes to school. I suppose that's one thing that is hard to understand that when things go wrong I seem to fall apart at the seams. I want to go to school and i want to pour all i've got into learning. I want to learn about art history and maybe become a curator at a museum someday or at least learn enough to pass my passion on to others as a teacher.
But i'm becoming steadily more aware that my time is running out and by the time i get to the point i can return to school it will be too late almost. Maybe what i'm doing wrong is just settling for what I'm comfortable with. I don't want to be seen as a failure in life. I want to be admired for my achievements. Yet i keep holding myself back purposly. I allow myself to consume what's bad for me and i allow myself to ROT. It's no wonder i lose so much.

I need to push myself foward I need to make myself suffer and suck it up because if i really want to be sucessful that's what i have to do. I have to just suck it up and do what i don't want to do. because where have the things i've wanted to do gotten me? I AM a FAilure...

the first step to healing is accepting your own faults.