Who am I?
Today is my mother's birthday. She would be 38.
It all seems so surreal. At times I feel as though she is with me, and other times I know she is unreachable. Too far away to touch.
It's funny that I view the space between us as distance, and not time. Perhaps I know that she will be forever in my heart and soul, but the distance can't be bridged.
I spent the better part of today alone. I'm not entirely sure why, but I felt as though I needed the space. It gave me time to reflect on where my life has been since Mom passed away, and where I want it to go. People remark to me all the time at what an amazing life I've lived so far. I'd like to set the record straight. I haven't lived an amazing life. I haven't done anything in the world to better it, I've only done what I have for selfish reasons. To go within myself, find who I really am.
My advice to all those who are going to find themselves is: stay exactly where you are. Otherwise you are in danger of losing yourself forever.
- Jostein Gaarder, 'Solitaire Mystery'
It's a phrase that can mean so many things. To me, this is most obvious. When I started searching for myself, I found that I unearthed more questions than I found answers. This is the great realization of life. That losing yourself to the search is the romantic dream.
In my short 22 years on this planet, I've discovered a few universal truths. That love really is the most important aspect of life, and the search will leave you broken and grateful. Knowledge will continue to move our spirits to greater achievements and force us to continually evolve our modes of thinking. And lastly, life will not give you anything that you are not strong enough to deal with.
In many ways, I'm grateful that the events in my life have happened to me and not someone who would have cracked under the pressure. It's come to shape my outlook on life, and it's forced me to look inside myself as well as humanity...for answers to questions I never thought I would need answered.
At this point in my life, I'm struggling to evolve into the woman I know lies within. I don't want to be labelled a survivor for the rest of my life. I live. I don't survive. This world can be cruel, circumstances can be cruel, life can be cruel. But that isn't an excuse for you to take that within yourself, which is where most people fall tragically short.
I want to be known, not for my achievements, but for my personality. Rather than for my history, for my future. Not for a track record, but for the possibilities. That is the greatest challenge of living.
I'm not old enough to know what the future holds for me. I'm not young enough to remember the past. I have always been the same girl, just evolving into herself. It's the reason I sign all my letters "Always, Angel". It's a reminder to everyone that no matter what happens, the inner person remains.
It all seems so surreal. At times I feel as though she is with me, and other times I know she is unreachable. Too far away to touch.
It's funny that I view the space between us as distance, and not time. Perhaps I know that she will be forever in my heart and soul, but the distance can't be bridged.
I spent the better part of today alone. I'm not entirely sure why, but I felt as though I needed the space. It gave me time to reflect on where my life has been since Mom passed away, and where I want it to go. People remark to me all the time at what an amazing life I've lived so far. I'd like to set the record straight. I haven't lived an amazing life. I haven't done anything in the world to better it, I've only done what I have for selfish reasons. To go within myself, find who I really am.
My advice to all those who are going to find themselves is: stay exactly where you are. Otherwise you are in danger of losing yourself forever.
- Jostein Gaarder, 'Solitaire Mystery'
It's a phrase that can mean so many things. To me, this is most obvious. When I started searching for myself, I found that I unearthed more questions than I found answers. This is the great realization of life. That losing yourself to the search is the romantic dream.
In my short 22 years on this planet, I've discovered a few universal truths. That love really is the most important aspect of life, and the search will leave you broken and grateful. Knowledge will continue to move our spirits to greater achievements and force us to continually evolve our modes of thinking. And lastly, life will not give you anything that you are not strong enough to deal with.
In many ways, I'm grateful that the events in my life have happened to me and not someone who would have cracked under the pressure. It's come to shape my outlook on life, and it's forced me to look inside myself as well as humanity...for answers to questions I never thought I would need answered.
At this point in my life, I'm struggling to evolve into the woman I know lies within. I don't want to be labelled a survivor for the rest of my life. I live. I don't survive. This world can be cruel, circumstances can be cruel, life can be cruel. But that isn't an excuse for you to take that within yourself, which is where most people fall tragically short.
I want to be known, not for my achievements, but for my personality. Rather than for my history, for my future. Not for a track record, but for the possibilities. That is the greatest challenge of living.
I'm not old enough to know what the future holds for me. I'm not young enough to remember the past. I have always been the same girl, just evolving into herself. It's the reason I sign all my letters "Always, Angel". It's a reminder to everyone that no matter what happens, the inner person remains.