The Knowing
They call me a tomboy. A dear friend calls me "blokette", a running joke in reference to a very long and arduous hike we took together. I was always one of the boys, right down to "ballet dancer with skinned knees". It shouldn't surprise most people to learn that I never grew out of that whole "where do we keep the iodine" stage.
I miss being in the mountains, being able to take my bike down the ski runs and hurtle toward trees at a speed only concorde jets are legally allowed to move at. I don't have a death wish, but I do think I have an unnatural affinity for the risky and as such, mind blowing. Nothing connects you to the earth below your feet, as depending on it to propel you upward while rock climbing. And nothing is as beautiful as watching a meteor shower while swimming in a moonlit lagoon that took you five hours just to cut a path toward.
I'm looking for someone who has those deep desires to connect to the earth around them, as well as connect to the people around them. I want to find a man who will sit in a lecture and argue with a professor over theories. I want to find the person who, when he touches me, the world stops and breathing takes a lifetime. Someone who isn't afraid to hurt, and who won't hesitate to laugh. Someone who has experienced life, and doesn't want to let it go. A man who will call me on my bluffs, and isn't afraid to let a few pegs be taken from his pride.
Maybe I know him already, maybe he's staring me right in the face and I'm just taking him for granted. Maybe that person doesn't exist, not entirely. Maybe he lives on my block, and maybe he lives oceans away. Perhaps we are destined to meet, and it's also quite possible that we'll never find one another, even if he's searching for me too.
But I love this search, these times when I get to explore and to understand exactly what it is I'm looking for. Maybe I should have said yes. And maybe....just maybe....I'll know.
The reality of the situation is this. I'm not ready to be married. I'm not even ready to commit to a relationship, or the engineer and I would have made some sort of attempt to be closer to one another without putting it off. A friend of mine put it best.
"You're a nomad. A little untouchable. A lot mysterious. But that's you." It took me a while to understand what he meant, but I think I do today. I should call him, and thank him. And tell him I love him.
I miss being in the mountains, being able to take my bike down the ski runs and hurtle toward trees at a speed only concorde jets are legally allowed to move at. I don't have a death wish, but I do think I have an unnatural affinity for the risky and as such, mind blowing. Nothing connects you to the earth below your feet, as depending on it to propel you upward while rock climbing. And nothing is as beautiful as watching a meteor shower while swimming in a moonlit lagoon that took you five hours just to cut a path toward.
I'm looking for someone who has those deep desires to connect to the earth around them, as well as connect to the people around them. I want to find a man who will sit in a lecture and argue with a professor over theories. I want to find the person who, when he touches me, the world stops and breathing takes a lifetime. Someone who isn't afraid to hurt, and who won't hesitate to laugh. Someone who has experienced life, and doesn't want to let it go. A man who will call me on my bluffs, and isn't afraid to let a few pegs be taken from his pride.
Maybe I know him already, maybe he's staring me right in the face and I'm just taking him for granted. Maybe that person doesn't exist, not entirely. Maybe he lives on my block, and maybe he lives oceans away. Perhaps we are destined to meet, and it's also quite possible that we'll never find one another, even if he's searching for me too.
But I love this search, these times when I get to explore and to understand exactly what it is I'm looking for. Maybe I should have said yes. And maybe....just maybe....I'll know.
The reality of the situation is this. I'm not ready to be married. I'm not even ready to commit to a relationship, or the engineer and I would have made some sort of attempt to be closer to one another without putting it off. A friend of mine put it best.
"You're a nomad. A little untouchable. A lot mysterious. But that's you." It took me a while to understand what he meant, but I think I do today. I should call him, and thank him. And tell him I love him.