SPN: Try and Try Again
Fandom: Supernatural
Main characters: Dean, Jimmy
Referenced characters: Sam, Castiel
Pairings: Dean/Jimmy, past Dean/Castiel, potentially Dean/Castiel/Jimmy
Contains: Angst, sex
Rating: R
Summary: If at first you don't succeed...
Notes: Originally posted on Dreamwidth for the Three Weeks for Dreamwidth fest. If you go back through the last page of entries or so, you'll find a couple more fics have been crossposted now that weren't before.
Jimmy's tried. He's tried a lot of things. He's tried going back to his wife, he's tried divorce, he's tried letting it be, he's tried therapy, he's tried a life. And now he's trying, he's trying so hard to be Castiel, for Dean, and the fucked up thing -- the really truly desperately fucked up thing -- is that it works, is that he doesn't mind it, is that when Dean holds him tight and gasps Castiel's name into his shoulder, it feels so goddamn right. He can almost get the voice, though it wrecks his throat, he can almost say Dean's name just right. Sometimes Dean flinches, and Jimmy guesses he's got it on the wrong side of right, but most of the time Dean wants to believe it and between them they work it out.
It's so fucked up that this is what he wants, how he lives right now, with Dean on top of him and pinning him down and spreading him out, a thing he never wanted before Castiel came and possessed him and changed the shape of him to fit. It's so fucked up that this is what he needs, that this is the closest thing he gets to right. He'll do what Dean wants -- he'll move like Castiel, talk like him, cry out like him, fit his hand over the mark on Dean's shoulder -- and it doesn't feel like a lie, even though he knows it isn't quite right either.
Sometimes, he'll almost forget -- sometimes he'll feel like there's that presence inside himself, that power. Sometimes, when Dean touches him just right and he moves in just the way Castiel would, sometimes they both forget. Sometimes they'll remember, when Sam looks at them with pity and concern, but they forget it fast enough, lock themselves up in motel rooms and shed clothes and try to crawl inside each other's skins, making what they can of it.
Jimmy's tried reality, and he's found it malleable. He and Dean have made a new kind of truth, between them.
This was originally posted here, on Dreamwidth.
Main characters: Dean, Jimmy
Referenced characters: Sam, Castiel
Pairings: Dean/Jimmy, past Dean/Castiel, potentially Dean/Castiel/Jimmy
Contains: Angst, sex
Rating: R
Summary: If at first you don't succeed...
Notes: Originally posted on Dreamwidth for the Three Weeks for Dreamwidth fest. If you go back through the last page of entries or so, you'll find a couple more fics have been crossposted now that weren't before.
Jimmy's tried. He's tried a lot of things. He's tried going back to his wife, he's tried divorce, he's tried letting it be, he's tried therapy, he's tried a life. And now he's trying, he's trying so hard to be Castiel, for Dean, and the fucked up thing -- the really truly desperately fucked up thing -- is that it works, is that he doesn't mind it, is that when Dean holds him tight and gasps Castiel's name into his shoulder, it feels so goddamn right. He can almost get the voice, though it wrecks his throat, he can almost say Dean's name just right. Sometimes Dean flinches, and Jimmy guesses he's got it on the wrong side of right, but most of the time Dean wants to believe it and between them they work it out.
It's so fucked up that this is what he wants, how he lives right now, with Dean on top of him and pinning him down and spreading him out, a thing he never wanted before Castiel came and possessed him and changed the shape of him to fit. It's so fucked up that this is what he needs, that this is the closest thing he gets to right. He'll do what Dean wants -- he'll move like Castiel, talk like him, cry out like him, fit his hand over the mark on Dean's shoulder -- and it doesn't feel like a lie, even though he knows it isn't quite right either.
Sometimes, he'll almost forget -- sometimes he'll feel like there's that presence inside himself, that power. Sometimes, when Dean touches him just right and he moves in just the way Castiel would, sometimes they both forget. Sometimes they'll remember, when Sam looks at them with pity and concern, but they forget it fast enough, lock themselves up in motel rooms and shed clothes and try to crawl inside each other's skins, making what they can of it.
Jimmy's tried reality, and he's found it malleable. He and Dean have made a new kind of truth, between them.
This was originally posted here, on Dreamwidth.