SPN: An Ever-Fixéd Mark
Fandom: Supernatural
Main characters: Castiel, Jimmy
Referenced characters: Dean, Uriel
Pairings: None
Contains: N/a
Rating: G
Summary: Castiel isn't totally gone. For
feywood, for getting up on time.
Notes: She asked for Castiel/Jimmy, but this isn't really slash. See it however you prefer. No spoilers for S5. The title is, of course, a reference to Shakespeare.
Jimmy can't remember how he used to dream before the whole apocalypse thing. There's only one way now that it's over -- he dreams of Castiel. He's never sure how real it is, but he thinks the fact that he remembers every single detail of it is probably indicative. He feels like he wakes up into these dreams, rather than falling asleep. Sometimes, he thinks they're more real than the rest of his life.
He wakes, or falls asleep, this time, into a field. There's nothing else, really, just a sky above that's wide and free of clouds and achingly blue. Jimmy thinks he remembers seeing this sky once with Castiel, when Castiel was new back on earth. He'd barely known Castiel then -- though it's debateable, really, whether he knows him now -- and he had been surprised, and somehow pleased, that Castiel had tipped his head back to look at this sky, and spent a moment just feeling his skin and being.
It made him seem, well, more human. Or more comprehensible anyway.
Jimmy doesn't remember what he'd said then, in the communion of their minds. He'd said it was beautiful, or something like that. Castiel had been slow to answer, and his voice had been so gentle, so tender, the voice that Jimmy had already grown to trust, to obey. "Yes," he'd said. "It is very beautiful. So many things on earth are."
So he's kinda unsurprised that they often meet here, in this field. He doesn't remember the field, actually, just the sky, but he's pretty sure it's the same sky he remembers. And Castiel is with him, in his mind, the only way he's ever really known him.
"I wish I could see you, sometimes," he says, without moving his lips, even in the dream.
"You could, in a dream."
"What would you look like?"
Castiel was silent for a moment, but Jimmy knew he was there. He tingled with Castiel's presence, on fire with it. He'd always known, when Castiel was in him -- Castiel's soul in his body was a weight, a fire, something almost tangible. "You would probably interpret the sight as... light. An androgynous figure of light."
"I want to see you."
"You can, if you want," Castiel says. It takes Jimmy a moment to trace the emotion he feels along with the words, and then he laughs, actually laughs aloud into the quiet dream world, disturbs the peace of the blue sky and the grassy field.
"Are you shy?"
"I do not know how you will react," Cas says, stiffly.
"I want to see you," he says again. He feels the weight in his mind withdraw -- which brings a whole load of questions he has no idea how to answer, like whose dream this is and how Castiel could be in his head if it was Castiel's, and how, if it was his, it would be possible for Castiel to withdraw from his mind.
"It's a world made from the meeting of our minds," Castiel says, from somewhere behind Jimmy. Jimmy is really, really not used to thinking of Castiel as something outside himself, so it kinda makes him jump. He turns round to look at him. Cas was right -- he's a man-shaped thing, roughly, a little androgynous, and made out of light. Jimmy kind of wants to touch him. Castiel smiles a little. "You called it a.... communion. I like that way of thinking about it."
"Yeah?"
"I like to think we were more than an angel and a vessel, to each other." Castiel shrugs. "I... learnt much from you. Uriel would not have listened to the voice of his vessel."
"Uriel's a dick," Jimmy says, which is something he'd never have said before Castiel, before Dean. Something he'd never have dared say about an angel.
Castiel laughs. Just a little, but, he laughs, he actually laughs. Jimmy thinks: I taught you that. He has to smile again, then, kind of laughs himself.
"I miss you," he says, without even really thinking. "It's weird without you. I keep feeling like there's something missing."
Castiel nods. "I miss you too, Jimmy. But you deserve your normal life again. I should have stopped visiting you in dreams like this. I..." A shrug, something learned from Dean. "I was selfish. I am selfish, I suppose."
"You'd be a dick, too, if you never called."
"I no longer use a cellphone," Castiel says, looking confused, and Jimmy wants to laugh again.
"No, I mean... It's just an expression, Cas."
"Ah," Cas says, nodding. "What you mean is... you want to keep meeting me like this. That you don't think it's so selfish."
"Yeah. Of course I want to. It's not selfish. We're... You know."
There's a pause. Castiel moves a little closer to him, all shining and strange and perfect. It's kind of like the beauty of that great big blue sky stretching out above them -- it's just like that, breathtaking and awesome and far too large to be encompassed. And yet, and yet, Jimmy knows he has encompassed this. Held this inside him.
"I love you," he says, blurts, and Castiel nods, unsurprised. Jimmy's always kind of surprised himself at how easily Castiel takes displays of emotion: at first they confused him, but it's not like he was raised with the same macho ideals as, say, the Winchesters. He can accept someone saying he loves him, just like that, and not reject it or laugh at it.
"I love you too, Jimmy," Cas says softly, and very very seriously.
"Don't be a stranger," Jimmy says, too nonchalent, far too nonchalent, but he knows Castiel understands. They had a kind of relationship no one else in the world could ever have, after all.
"I won't, Jimmy," Castiel says, and he doesn't need to promise.
But Jimmy still wakes alone, with a feeling like something's been cut out of him, a part that can never grow back.
Main characters: Castiel, Jimmy
Referenced characters: Dean, Uriel
Pairings: None
Contains: N/a
Rating: G
Summary: Castiel isn't totally gone. For
feywood, for getting up on time.
Notes: She asked for Castiel/Jimmy, but this isn't really slash. See it however you prefer. No spoilers for S5. The title is, of course, a reference to Shakespeare.
Jimmy can't remember how he used to dream before the whole apocalypse thing. There's only one way now that it's over -- he dreams of Castiel. He's never sure how real it is, but he thinks the fact that he remembers every single detail of it is probably indicative. He feels like he wakes up into these dreams, rather than falling asleep. Sometimes, he thinks they're more real than the rest of his life.
He wakes, or falls asleep, this time, into a field. There's nothing else, really, just a sky above that's wide and free of clouds and achingly blue. Jimmy thinks he remembers seeing this sky once with Castiel, when Castiel was new back on earth. He'd barely known Castiel then -- though it's debateable, really, whether he knows him now -- and he had been surprised, and somehow pleased, that Castiel had tipped his head back to look at this sky, and spent a moment just feeling his skin and being.
It made him seem, well, more human. Or more comprehensible anyway.
Jimmy doesn't remember what he'd said then, in the communion of their minds. He'd said it was beautiful, or something like that. Castiel had been slow to answer, and his voice had been so gentle, so tender, the voice that Jimmy had already grown to trust, to obey. "Yes," he'd said. "It is very beautiful. So many things on earth are."
So he's kinda unsurprised that they often meet here, in this field. He doesn't remember the field, actually, just the sky, but he's pretty sure it's the same sky he remembers. And Castiel is with him, in his mind, the only way he's ever really known him.
"I wish I could see you, sometimes," he says, without moving his lips, even in the dream.
"You could, in a dream."
"What would you look like?"
Castiel was silent for a moment, but Jimmy knew he was there. He tingled with Castiel's presence, on fire with it. He'd always known, when Castiel was in him -- Castiel's soul in his body was a weight, a fire, something almost tangible. "You would probably interpret the sight as... light. An androgynous figure of light."
"I want to see you."
"You can, if you want," Castiel says. It takes Jimmy a moment to trace the emotion he feels along with the words, and then he laughs, actually laughs aloud into the quiet dream world, disturbs the peace of the blue sky and the grassy field.
"Are you shy?"
"I do not know how you will react," Cas says, stiffly.
"I want to see you," he says again. He feels the weight in his mind withdraw -- which brings a whole load of questions he has no idea how to answer, like whose dream this is and how Castiel could be in his head if it was Castiel's, and how, if it was his, it would be possible for Castiel to withdraw from his mind.
"It's a world made from the meeting of our minds," Castiel says, from somewhere behind Jimmy. Jimmy is really, really not used to thinking of Castiel as something outside himself, so it kinda makes him jump. He turns round to look at him. Cas was right -- he's a man-shaped thing, roughly, a little androgynous, and made out of light. Jimmy kind of wants to touch him. Castiel smiles a little. "You called it a.... communion. I like that way of thinking about it."
"Yeah?"
"I like to think we were more than an angel and a vessel, to each other." Castiel shrugs. "I... learnt much from you. Uriel would not have listened to the voice of his vessel."
"Uriel's a dick," Jimmy says, which is something he'd never have said before Castiel, before Dean. Something he'd never have dared say about an angel.
Castiel laughs. Just a little, but, he laughs, he actually laughs. Jimmy thinks: I taught you that. He has to smile again, then, kind of laughs himself.
"I miss you," he says, without even really thinking. "It's weird without you. I keep feeling like there's something missing."
Castiel nods. "I miss you too, Jimmy. But you deserve your normal life again. I should have stopped visiting you in dreams like this. I..." A shrug, something learned from Dean. "I was selfish. I am selfish, I suppose."
"You'd be a dick, too, if you never called."
"I no longer use a cellphone," Castiel says, looking confused, and Jimmy wants to laugh again.
"No, I mean... It's just an expression, Cas."
"Ah," Cas says, nodding. "What you mean is... you want to keep meeting me like this. That you don't think it's so selfish."
"Yeah. Of course I want to. It's not selfish. We're... You know."
There's a pause. Castiel moves a little closer to him, all shining and strange and perfect. It's kind of like the beauty of that great big blue sky stretching out above them -- it's just like that, breathtaking and awesome and far too large to be encompassed. And yet, and yet, Jimmy knows he has encompassed this. Held this inside him.
"I love you," he says, blurts, and Castiel nods, unsurprised. Jimmy's always kind of surprised himself at how easily Castiel takes displays of emotion: at first they confused him, but it's not like he was raised with the same macho ideals as, say, the Winchesters. He can accept someone saying he loves him, just like that, and not reject it or laugh at it.
"I love you too, Jimmy," Cas says softly, and very very seriously.
"Don't be a stranger," Jimmy says, too nonchalent, far too nonchalent, but he knows Castiel understands. They had a kind of relationship no one else in the world could ever have, after all.
"I won't, Jimmy," Castiel says, and he doesn't need to promise.
But Jimmy still wakes alone, with a feeling like something's been cut out of him, a part that can never grow back.