SPN: Etched In My Memory
Fandom: Supernatural
Main characters: Dean, Castiel
Referenced characters: N/a
Pairings: Dean/Castiel
Contains: Sap, references to sex
Rating: PG13
Summary: Castiel knows Dean perfectly, and he is always learning more.
Notes: Please don't discuss S5 with me. I haven't seen it.
"It's the simple things in life," Dean said once, but Castiel thinks now he might have been parodying something. He said it at a time when Castiel did not know him as well as he does now -- that felt impossible, then, for he'd rebuilt Dean, hadn't he? He knew the paths of his blood, the network of his lymphatic system, the perfect shape of his trachea. He had marvelled, then, learning the meaning and purpose of every cell of a human body. He had known then, beyond any doubt, that it was beautiful. He had seen the hands of the creator they shared in the perfection of Dean.
He had held Dean's soul, hard and rough at first, searing, then cradling, soothing, healing. He had thought that was knowing. He had thought nothing would ever teach him more about Dean, and secure in this knowledge he had carelessly lost himself in Dean.
That was nothing, then. He knows Dean now. He knows the creases around his eyes when he smiles, he knows the callouses on his hands, he knows the rumble in his laugh. He knows the jarring of tears, the harsh wrenching of sobs. He knows the taste, the scent of him. He knows the roughness of Dean's stubble against his own cheek. He knows the way Dean sounds when he climaxes, knows the way Dean teases him for using words like climax. Knows that Dean says fucking when he means making love, because love is dangerous, a weakness.
He is always learning more.
It might not have been parody. Dean's idea of the simple things is wrong. He calls the way they kiss on a morning a simple thing. He calls the way his fingers curl into Castiel's tie and pull him close a simple thing. He calls waking together, warm and safe, a simple thing.
Castiel does find joy in the little things. A good pair of warm socks, for example. He would never have understood the pleasure of warm socks on a cold day, before Dean. Or the comfortable warmth of coffee, or a full stomach, or a warm shower. These things are simple, and yet important in their own way.
What he and Dean have, that can never be simple. Waking together, safe, in the same place as they woke together the day before, the week before, the month before. That isn't simple at all -- even something so small and routine as that can never be simple. Love itself can never be simple. Theirs even less so.
Dean does understand that, Castiel thinks, for he knows the way Dean looks at him sometimes, like he's a gift too dear for words to encompass. But perhaps saying it's simple -- perhaps saying fucking when he wants to say they make love -- perhaps that makes it easier, less dangerous.
Castiel prefers to say exactly what he means, even now. Socks are simple things, he and Dean make love, and love is dangerous, terrifying, and utterly necessary. And he is learning things about Dean all the time, he may never really know him, and that is exactly how he wants it.
Main characters: Dean, Castiel
Referenced characters: N/a
Pairings: Dean/Castiel
Contains: Sap, references to sex
Rating: PG13
Summary: Castiel knows Dean perfectly, and he is always learning more.
Notes: Please don't discuss S5 with me. I haven't seen it.
"It's the simple things in life," Dean said once, but Castiel thinks now he might have been parodying something. He said it at a time when Castiel did not know him as well as he does now -- that felt impossible, then, for he'd rebuilt Dean, hadn't he? He knew the paths of his blood, the network of his lymphatic system, the perfect shape of his trachea. He had marvelled, then, learning the meaning and purpose of every cell of a human body. He had known then, beyond any doubt, that it was beautiful. He had seen the hands of the creator they shared in the perfection of Dean.
He had held Dean's soul, hard and rough at first, searing, then cradling, soothing, healing. He had thought that was knowing. He had thought nothing would ever teach him more about Dean, and secure in this knowledge he had carelessly lost himself in Dean.
That was nothing, then. He knows Dean now. He knows the creases around his eyes when he smiles, he knows the callouses on his hands, he knows the rumble in his laugh. He knows the jarring of tears, the harsh wrenching of sobs. He knows the taste, the scent of him. He knows the roughness of Dean's stubble against his own cheek. He knows the way Dean sounds when he climaxes, knows the way Dean teases him for using words like climax. Knows that Dean says fucking when he means making love, because love is dangerous, a weakness.
He is always learning more.
It might not have been parody. Dean's idea of the simple things is wrong. He calls the way they kiss on a morning a simple thing. He calls the way his fingers curl into Castiel's tie and pull him close a simple thing. He calls waking together, warm and safe, a simple thing.
Castiel does find joy in the little things. A good pair of warm socks, for example. He would never have understood the pleasure of warm socks on a cold day, before Dean. Or the comfortable warmth of coffee, or a full stomach, or a warm shower. These things are simple, and yet important in their own way.
What he and Dean have, that can never be simple. Waking together, safe, in the same place as they woke together the day before, the week before, the month before. That isn't simple at all -- even something so small and routine as that can never be simple. Love itself can never be simple. Theirs even less so.
Dean does understand that, Castiel thinks, for he knows the way Dean looks at him sometimes, like he's a gift too dear for words to encompass. But perhaps saying it's simple -- perhaps saying fucking when he wants to say they make love -- perhaps that makes it easier, less dangerous.
Castiel prefers to say exactly what he means, even now. Socks are simple things, he and Dean make love, and love is dangerous, terrifying, and utterly necessary. And he is learning things about Dean all the time, he may never really know him, and that is exactly how he wants it.