Music is my life
Well most people know my life is based on a soundtrack. Whatever mood I'm in, I can relate it to a song or a few for that matter. Lately it was all up on clouds and nothing could crash my mood...until now...
There is a point in your life where you realize who matters, who never did, and who always will. I think I've semi-reached that point from where I'm standing right now. I mean I can't relate it to my WHOLE life since I'm not even 1/4 through it...but you know what I mean. For once I've reached a new point and a new feeling which kind of scares me.
As I get older I grow and mature into that adult that has to start planning. I'm at that point where I have my whole life planned out and know where I want to go in the end. But plans always change as well so you never know. Anyways you also develop into a person you want to be.
I know I've always been an emotional person and sensitive in a way that people tend to think I'm sometimes insane...but I'm human and that is how I cope with things. I think that is one thing I can never change just because with people in my life I care too much. When I start a new relationship I always try and make sure I don't mess up like I did like the others. You want to learn from those mistakes. But then again you never can control what happens right??
You know how they say "You never know what you have until you lose it " ??
That was me last night...
I know I haven't lost it completely but it hit me like a ton of bricks when I got home. And you know what gets me ?
-- We both saw it coming and KNOW it wasn't going to work.....so why am I so effected?
I do know one of my flaws is that I don't like change and maybe I was so into a routine that I have to tell myself to snap out of it. 2 1/2 months of talking everyday...reminders that we care..webcaming and inside jokes... and then eventually the memories to go along with it. Of course I was more into it because I was more involved in his life more than he was in mine. I met the friends the family, dinners and just simplicity. Maybe it's harder because we are still on good terms...whereas you can just hate the other person if they were to cheat on you but it was simple words and disappointment in the end for us and no explanination because we are both blank on that.
The worst way to miss someone is when they are beside you and you know can't have them. My feelings are still obviously there and I will need time to just heal again, and come to terms with the friendship part of it. I will try.
It's all about picking yourself up and moving along.
I won't lie and say I'm ok...because after a couple hours of it sinking in....I realized everything we wanted "us" to be didn't work. With all the expectations from everyone and ourselves and yet we never established what those expectations were. And don't say sorry because the only thing worse would be if we continued knowing feelings weren't there.
However... I will be ok...I promise I will be back to be your friend but right now I need time.
Anyways...so back to the first sentence....what is my soundtrack song to get through for now?
Josh Groban... "February Song"
Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life, into this life
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day
Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day
Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes
I wish I could open my eyes and wish it was just a nightmare
And you know what else?...I'm so use to you being by my side and today is the first day without you and it sucks.