Eddie sat on the porch, leaning against one of the beams and watching the sun go down. He smiled as Jason ruffled his hair and sat next to him. They didn’t say anything. They didn’t need to. Everything was perfect.
Nightmares and phonecallsmark_kosikAugust 7 2004, 00:25:29 UTC
Questions from Eddie meant only one thing: he wanted Jason to keep talking. Jason smiled and wiped the tears from his eyes. Eddie told him what he needed and Jason only had to ask once. Perhaps Eddie's time in rehab was helping more than Jason thought it would at first.
"M'struggling. I think the postmen's afraid of me. Nearly tackled him a few times and tried t'shake a letter out of him." Jason laughed softly injecting an air of humor. "I love y'letters you know. I read them til've them memoriezed. I keep them all too. Put them under the rock y'gave me. And this new mate of mine, she- she gave me your rookie year card. And another one. I carry one with me all the time. Had t'start using a wallet again t'protect it. It's stupid but, I realized I don't have any pictures of you. Now, now I do but...I want one that's mine. You know, ours. When I come see you, or when y'get out of rehab we can change that yeah?"
Jason took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I love y'Yank. So much." Jason rubbed the back of his neck and continued.
"Colt's excited he is. I promised him we'd find his mother's family. She died when he were a baby and his fucking child buggering father never let him round his family. Turns out she had another son by another man. His name's Gabriel. Colt and I are going t'go to St. Louis t'meet with him. I had m'solicitor send a letter of introduction to the grandparents, but Colt wrote his brother himself and the bloke rang him just after he got the letter. Colt's so happy but...there's something else. I don't know what he's a little distant sometimes, sick as well. I can feel him pushing me a way and other times he's m'Colt. M'worried about him. Maybe it has something t'do with what his shite father did. I should talk t'him bout it. I mean, tell him he's not bound t'it anymore. I don't know, Yank. When a man rapes a lad...world's gone inside round."
Jason paused for a brief moment gathering his thoughts. Why was he trembling?
"Yank? Do y'want me t'start putting out feelers for farm real estate? Just f'something t'keep me busy. If m'not down at gym, m'training, if not that m'working, or finding new mates and hanging with old ones- I love spending time with Colt most of all but...Y'missing. I feel it. I fucking hate it and I love you so much, Baby. I want t'hold y'. Right now."
Re: Nightmares and phonecallseddieboone_tmAugust 7 2004, 17:23:20 UTC
"I know. I'll be back soon. And I'll see you even sooner." I want you here with me too. He'd thought it would be hard staying away but Eddie had decided before he left that he wasn't going to see anyone till he came back. But he couldn't do it. The longer he was without Jason, the worse everything got. The sound of Jason talking had calmed him down, slowed his heart rate and chased some of the haunting details of the dream away.
"Go ahead and have a look around, see if anything catches your eye." It was still amazing to think they might live together like that, still made Eddie warm. "Maybe something that's falling apart so we can fix it all up."
Nightmares and phonecallsmark_kosikAugust 8 2004, 19:56:10 UTC
"Yes, Baby. Something we can make ours. I'll start looking." Jason longed to wrap his arms around Eddie and just breathe him in. "Yank, can I really come and see you on the 15th?"
Hope surged and fear tugged at it from behind. --Please say 'yes', Yank. Say YES!--
Re: Nightmares and phonecallseddieboone_tmAugust 9 2004, 03:43:39 UTC
"If you're not doing anythin'." Eddie wondered what the date was now. He had until the fifteenth to stop being such a pathetic wreck. Jason was motivation if nothing else was.
Nightmares and phonecallsmark_kosikAugust 9 2004, 10:26:18 UTC
Jason couldn't help but laugh at this. "Ah, Yank. Haven't been able t'do anything since y'left; nothing that felt like anything anyway." Jason moistend his lips. "Is there anything I need t'bring y'that y'forgot t'take with you?"
Jason desperately needed to feel useful to Eddie; to please him; to let him know how important he was to Jason.
Re: Nightmares and phonecallseddieboone_tmAugust 9 2004, 21:38:28 UTC
Eddie finally smiled a little. He was still beyond tired, his head was still aching, and he'd need more than a blanket to get warm. A shot or two of scotch would probably do the trick. But he had Jason and that was more than enough. "Just you. You're all I want."
Nightmares and phonecallsmark_kosikAugust 9 2004, 22:27:06 UTC
"Then me is what y'll get, Yank. All bright eyed and excited t'see y'. God, Baby. Have y'been talking to the counselors? Are y'okay? I just want you t'feel better. I love you so much. I'm so proud of y'for doing this. I know y'can do it, Yank. And I'll do anything y'need me to t'help make sure you succeed. Whatever y'need." Jason wiped the tears from his eyes and sniffed.
"M'sorry. Don't mean t'cry. I just miss y'so much. I think about y'all the time and I can't believe m'hearing your voice. This is the best I've felt since y'left."
Re: Nightmares and phonecallseddieboone_tmAugust 9 2004, 23:29:45 UTC
He hadn't talked to anyone, not how Jason meant. He'd been meaning to, a few times opened his mouth to say something to Jeremy while they were working. But nothing came out and he didn't know what to say. Eddie bit his lip and rubbed his eyes. "I'm okay." Now I've talked to you. "I miss you and I'm trying my damndest to get back to you." Liar. I'm not trying. I'm stalling.
Eddie swallowed. "I never want to leave you for this long again."
Nightmares and phonecallsmark_kosikAugust 9 2004, 23:35:59 UTC
"You won't have t'be. You'll stay off the bottle and I'll...I go with you whenever y'leave town. Away games, travel, everything. And if I have t'go somewhere, I'll take y'with me. And if I can't, I'll make Colt stay with y'. I promise y'Baby. You'll be home soon enough. But before that, y'get t'see me on the 15th, yeah?"
Jason could hear the exhaustion in Eddie's voice, the fear and frustration and it broke his heart. "I love y'so much Yank. Once y'better y'll take me t'the farm where you grew up." --And it won't matter what you say about me when you introduce me to your Grand parents, the fact that you took me to them is enough...-- "We'll get one of our own, you'll be too busy to remember what it was like without me. S'all right Baby, I love you."
Re: Nightmares and phonecallseddieboone_tmAugust 9 2004, 23:55:41 UTC
Those promises, they were like a balm over the scrapes in Eddie's mind. Even if things didn't work out quite like that, it was good enough right now just to hear Jason saying it. He didn't need the real thing straight away, just something to look forward to, something to work for.
"I love you too." Eddie stood up. "I'm going to go back to bed now. There are...things I have to do tomorrow."
Nightmares and phonecallsmark_kosikAugust 10 2004, 00:01:19 UTC
"Okay, Baby. I love you. No more nightmares t'night. Just think about the farm. You and me there. I love y'so much. Goodnight Baby. I'll see you next week yeah?"
Re: Nightmares and phonecallseddieboone_tmAugust 10 2004, 00:16:30 UTC
"Next week." Eddie affirms softly. Yes, just think about Jason and being together. A farm. Get some sleep. And then tomorrow... "I love you. Goodnight."
Eddie hung up, wishing he didn't have to sever the connection, that he could Jason talking to him forever. Tomorrow, he'd try talking to someone. Tomorrow he'd really start trying. He walked back inside and curled up on the couch, closing his eyes, thinking of Jason until he finally managed to drift off.
"M'struggling. I think the postmen's afraid of me. Nearly tackled him a few times and tried t'shake a letter out of him." Jason laughed softly injecting an air of humor. "I love y'letters you know. I read them til've them memoriezed. I keep them all too. Put them under the rock y'gave me. And this new mate of mine, she- she gave me your rookie year card. And another one. I carry one with me all the time. Had t'start using a wallet again t'protect it. It's stupid but, I realized I don't have any pictures of you. Now, now I do but...I want one that's mine. You know, ours. When I come see you, or when y'get out of rehab we can change that yeah?"
Jason took a deep breath and closed his eyes. "I love y'Yank. So much." Jason rubbed the back of his neck and continued.
"Colt's excited he is. I promised him we'd find his mother's family. She died when he were a baby and his fucking child buggering father never let him round his family. Turns out she had another son by another man. His name's Gabriel. Colt and I are going t'go to St. Louis t'meet with him. I had m'solicitor send a letter of introduction to the grandparents, but Colt wrote his brother himself and the bloke rang him just after he got the letter. Colt's so happy but...there's something else. I don't know what he's a little distant sometimes, sick as well. I can feel him pushing me a way and other times he's m'Colt. M'worried about him. Maybe it has something t'do with what his shite father did. I should talk t'him bout it. I mean, tell him he's not bound t'it anymore. I don't know, Yank. When a man rapes a lad...world's gone inside round."
Jason paused for a brief moment gathering his thoughts. Why was he trembling?
"Yank? Do y'want me t'start putting out feelers for farm real estate? Just f'something t'keep me busy. If m'not down at gym, m'training, if not that m'working, or finding new mates and hanging with old ones- I love spending time with Colt most of all but...Y'missing. I feel it. I fucking hate it and I love you so much, Baby. I want t'hold y'. Right now."
Reply
"Go ahead and have a look around, see if anything catches your eye." It was still amazing to think they might live together like that, still made Eddie warm. "Maybe something that's falling apart so we can fix it all up."
Reply
Hope surged and fear tugged at it from behind. --Please say 'yes', Yank. Say YES!--
Reply
Reply
Jason desperately needed to feel useful to Eddie; to please him; to let him know how important he was to Jason.
Reply
Reply
"M'sorry. Don't mean t'cry. I just miss y'so much. I think about y'all the time and I can't believe m'hearing your voice. This is the best I've felt since y'left."
Reply
Eddie swallowed. "I never want to leave you for this long again."
Reply
Jason could hear the exhaustion in Eddie's voice, the fear and frustration and it broke his heart. "I love y'so much Yank. Once y'better y'll take me t'the farm where you grew up." --And it won't matter what you say about me when you introduce me to your Grand parents, the fact that you took me to them is enough...-- "We'll get one of our own, you'll be too busy to remember what it was like without me. S'all right Baby, I love you."
Reply
"I love you too." Eddie stood up. "I'm going to go back to bed now. There are...things I have to do tomorrow."
Reply
Reply
Eddie hung up, wishing he didn't have to sever the connection, that he could Jason talking to him forever. Tomorrow, he'd try talking to someone. Tomorrow he'd really start trying. He walked back inside and curled up on the couch, closing his eyes, thinking of Jason until he finally managed to drift off.
Reply
Leave a comment