Warning- this post is full of woe is me and possibly a little TMI but venting is needed
Today I am exhausted. It is the exhaustion that can only come with the hormone changes that come with my period. I anticipate a bad one considering how horrible I feel already. Sometimes I get so anemic that I get dizzy and fall. I had difficulty getting out of bed today and I have been struggling with work all day. I am constantly on the verge of tears- I don't want to watch TV because I couldn't handle the commercials.
When I was younger and I had really bad PMS like this, or the period itself had me super sick, I could console myself with thoughts that this was for the greater good. My body was putting me through this hell so that it can prepare itself for childbearing when the time was right. How cruel nature can be sometimes. Now as I sit here wanting to cry as the hormones go uncontrollably wonky and it is for no reason at all. My body is not preparing for childbearing; my body is just being a bitch.
This thought makes the sadness all the more strong. I am only 35 and I find myself wishing for menopause. Isn't it fair that women who are infertile be blessed with early menopause so that they don't get the regular reminder of their inability to have children? Come on nature- you can do that for me can't you?
All I want to do today is eat chocolate, sleep, and cry. Instead, I decided to take a few minutes to compose this little rant before returning to work. I have some programs that I am applying to in an attempt to secure more funding for the business. And what kind of example would I be to my clients if my solution for being emotional and stressed was to eat chocolate? Perhaps the nap is still in the cards...
When I was younger and I had really bad PMS like this, or the period itself had me super sick, I could console myself with thoughts that this was for the greater good. My body was putting me through this hell so that it can prepare itself for childbearing when the time was right. How cruel nature can be sometimes. Now as I sit here wanting to cry as the hormones go uncontrollably wonky and it is for no reason at all. My body is not preparing for childbearing; my body is just being a bitch.
This thought makes the sadness all the more strong. I am only 35 and I find myself wishing for menopause. Isn't it fair that women who are infertile be blessed with early menopause so that they don't get the regular reminder of their inability to have children? Come on nature- you can do that for me can't you?
All I want to do today is eat chocolate, sleep, and cry. Instead, I decided to take a few minutes to compose this little rant before returning to work. I have some programs that I am applying to in an attempt to secure more funding for the business. And what kind of example would I be to my clients if my solution for being emotional and stressed was to eat chocolate? Perhaps the nap is still in the cards...