does stopping SI exacerbate your ED?
So my boyfriend of 2.5 years cant stand it when I self harm so I have promised I would stop. Ive been doing pretty good but ever since I stopped I have noticed that my anorexia has reemerged it's ugly head and I'm already getting stuck in that downward spiral. Has anyone in here ever stopped self harming only to find your eating disorder to get
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your comment just made me cry. (in a good way!)
youre right. i need to tell him. hes already noticing the weight loss and is starting to ask questions but im so scared that hes going to make this about him, like what you said (how i broke my promise) BUT bruce is an EXTREMELY compassionate person (he better fuckin be considering hes been able to handle dating a person with BPD for 2.5 years. thats a feat in itself haha)
i think if i word it the right way (how you just worded it) he might understand. well... i dont think hell ever truly "get it" (i dont think anyone can unless they have suffered before) but i think hed be willing to listen and help me to get better. the main problem though, is that i dont know if i even want to get better. i mean... i do... but im just... i donno... scared? ive been through years of therapy and on over 25 meds and still i suffer. i have a personality disorder so im always going to suffer, but it doesnt HAVE to be this bad. it sucks because i feel like im totally in control of this disorder but at the same time i have no control whatsoever. after having this disease for 9 years you would think id be able to control it instead of letting it control me, especially after all the DBT and medication.
also, when it comes to therapy my boyfriend is seriously the BEST. i can talk to him about anything/everything. stuff i never dreamed of talking to my past boyfriends about. but this is something i cant talk to him about because it has to do with him haha. this community seems to be very helpful though and so has your response!
thank you so much, it means a lot to me and im sending some big old *hugs* back to ya if you want them! :D
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