does stopping SI exacerbate your ED?
So my boyfriend of 2.5 years cant stand it when I self harm so I have promised I would stop. Ive been doing pretty good but ever since I stopped I have noticed that my anorexia has reemerged it's ugly head and I'm already getting stuck in that downward spiral. Has anyone in here ever stopped self harming only to find your eating disorder to get
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having borderline is so fucking hard. ive been through three rounds of DBT and was going to therapy three days a week until i told my therapist (who was the head director of the facility) that id like to see someone new (she was crazy and never kept her appointments) and she literally got in a fight with me said i was one of her worst patients and refused to answer my phone calls or emails literally saying i was going to kill myself. and i was just about to commit myself because of it and then i got a call from the government saying i won my disability case and that helped me calm down lol. i went back to seeing a therapist who i loved for about two years straight but a couple months ago i stopped going to her because she told me "kaitlynn ive been working with your for 2 years now and i havent seen a single ounce of improvement and i think you should see this doctor who gives ketamine infusions" she wanted me to go to this random guy and get shot up with special-k!! there has been ONE study done on ketamine vs panic disorder and he wants to charge me $600 for one injection. my therapist was obviously born with a silver spoon in her mouth and always lectures me about how i need to buy this and that and bla bla but doesnt realize i can barely afford driving to see her or the copay (its a 45 min drive just to get there). she even said to me "youre a really frustrating patient to deal with because of your add" because id try to talk about a lot of things at once while she would just jam stupid ultimatums down my throat that i couldnt do financially. so i stopped going ever since that last appointment where she said i was a "very frustrating patient" literally right after i had paid her for the end of the session. how are you going to end the session like that? she didnt even give me two minutes to respond before she was out the door.
ive tried calling some other facilities that are DBT oriented but no calls back and to be honest... im pretty fucking traumatized by my last two therapists, i feel like going to therapy would just make things worse, because it really did when i was seeing the crazy lady who ignored my (very serious) suicide threats.
i try to use my coping skills i learned in DBT and they do help A LOT and i def have improved overall since i started DBT but because im not actively attending group sessions anymore, ive basically forgot all the skills/fail to implement them or look them up. i have all the books and the lessons but when i look at them and see "village counseling services" as the header on all the pages i start thinking about how iwas kicked out of the facility and get super triggered by it. it really sucks that DBT is something that triggers me.
when it comes to meds ive been on them all. or at least 25 of them including haldol and thorazine. sometimes doctors refuse to even treat me when i mention i have borderline because "they dont meet the level of care i need" or basically they are just afraid they might be held liable for something if i overdose or try to kill myself while under their care. its so fucking retarded because it just makes me feel less inclined to get help. when i tell doctors i have borderline i might as well be telling them im serial killer or something lol.
thank you so much for your reply and thank you for your kind words and your story. im sorry you also suffer but if it makes you feel any better... i feel better now, knowing im not alone on this. i know you dont know me and im sure thats not much to you at all but your comment has made me feel better and i really appreciate it <3
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