Hey I'm new and trying to recover from anorexia. Does anyone else go to the extremes and are quite recovery focused but then swing right back to the eating disorder and are motivated in that? I feel crazy.
I think extremes in motivation are really common which is why it is helpful to have a backup plan (meal planning, seeing a therapist regularly, whatever keeps you on track) when motivation falls. Motivation is nice when it hits but not reliable enough to get you through those hard times.
Even now (four years after getting out of the hospital, and I'm doing well) I still have extremes. I no longer act on the ED urges, but they're in my head. One day I'll be doing all that I can to make even more steps toward recovery, and the next I'll feel like I have to lose 20 pounds.
Swinging back and forth between mindsets drives me crazy too, but it's totally normal to feel that way. Eating disorders don't develop overnight, so likewise, recovery isn't going to happen overnight either.
It takes a while to get past this, and it might never really go away, but you can definitely have it be in the background, and learn to ignore it. I found that one of the best ways for me to stop the disordered thinking was to talk out loud to myself, and remind myself that those thoughts were disordered, untrue and unhealthy.
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You're not crazy. It's part of the disorder.
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