Bulimia is bulimia is bulimia?

[icanseenow]

We all know that a lot of people go through times of bulimia, overeating and anorexia in turns and that the lines between eating disorders blur a lot of the times. However, I suddenly find myself thinking "am I really bulimic at all?" since learning that I've got a metabolic disorder and can't lose weight normally/quickly/hardly at all

Comments

[ex_lovedisc]

When I first started purging REGULARLY, it was because I would eat ANYTHING at all. Even if it was one bite, I had to get it out. At that point in my life, had I been to a doctor, I assume (if I were thin enough), they would have diagnosed me as anorexic because I wasn't eating hardly at all. But I weighed 135. For my height and body type... I wasn't even under-weight. But the people who knew me could tell that I had lost a significant amount of weight (about 50 pounds), and I LOOKED unhealthy. Really, really unhealthy.

This period only lasted about 14 months. It started in June of 2007, and ended in September of 2008. It wasn't like it just ENDED abruptly, but my family found out I had been purging. They assumed I was bulimic, because people who throw up are bulimic. But I didn't eat. That was the thing that was keeping me so sick. Even if I didn't puke, I'd still be sick, because I wasn't eating enough at all. But since my family found out, I couldn't throw up anymore. A lot of stuff happened and I kind of fell out of the habit of restricting, and went back to over-eating (which had been my method of self-abuse since I was 6 years old). The first time I purged I was 10. I did it a few times a month until I started starving myself. When I was younger, I was always with people, so I couldn't do it very much, but as I got older I was isolated.

Anyway... after my family found out, I had an 8 month period that was fairly normal. I was self-harming, but I wasn't starving (though I wasn't eating like a normal person should yet), and I only puked every couple weeks. Once the next summer came, though, I turned into a real bulimic. Eating 4,000 calories and puking up to twice a day. I couldn't keep it up, though. That sounds stupid, but bulimia has never been my main problem. My main, real problem has been over-eating. Binge eating. Aside from the period where I starved myself, I could never, ever stop eating. I don't know why. And NOBODY takes it seriously. I don't look sick. I've only looked sick for about 6 months in my whole life. Right now, I'm overweight. I'm fat. Not obese, but somewhat big. But I'm not sick. I should just STOP eating. Take control. But that's not how it works. I'm out of control and helpless and hopeless, but no one seems to care because I'm doing this to myself, because I'm fat and disgusting (that's they're mind-set, and only mine sometimes).

I'm not sure what I'm rambling on about. I guess I wanted to make the point that I've never been properly diagnosed. Even when I TOLD the doctor that I hardly ate for over a tear, he said that I wasn't Anorexic then. Because I was too fat. Which angered me. And then they never diagnosed me as bulimic, even though I TOLD them how much I ate. And how often I ate it, and puked it. I was STILL too overweight for them to actually have an eating disorder! And I don't know, I guess the doctors I've seen just have no idea that compulsive over-eating is an actual thing that happens to actual people.

I don't know if any of this is relevant. I just... it just came out. :\

[icanseenow]

What you wrote is definitley relevant, that's what I was thinking of when I posted.

It angers me greatly to hear what you say. Starvation and malnutrition is not something that only starts happening when you're underweight. You can be overweight and die from starvation.

I know what you mean about looking unhealthy. When I was restricting my food to a starvation level I got so weak and tired and just looked horrible and liveless. I think most people attributed it to my depression, not so much my eating disorder.

But that's not how it works. I'm out of control and helpless and hopeless, but no one seems to care because I'm doing this to myself, because I'm fat and disgusting
This makes me so very sad because it's unfair and horrible, and also because I know how it must feel. To have people think it can't be a "disease" that needs help since being fat and eating too much is clearly just being "lazy" in society's mindset.

The last part is so shameful. These doctors SHOULD know that bulimia has nothing to do with how much you weigh. You can be underweight, normal or overweight, depending on your body works, how much you workout, how often you binge, etc etc.

I hope you can find someone more supportive.