Taking Stock, Taking Responsibility
I've been contemplating this post - or rather, a less confused variant of it - for a few days now.
Outside of work (where I've been feeling somewhat overwhelmed), last week was a very good one, particularly towards the end of it. I had a lovely (and surprisingly late) evening with one of you, and then on Friday received a surprise call from my ex ( Read more... )
Outside of work (where I've been feeling somewhat overwhelmed), last week was a very good one, particularly towards the end of it. I had a lovely (and surprisingly late) evening with one of you, and then on Friday received a surprise call from my ex ( Read more... )
Of maybe - and this is possibility I am exploring - I got involved with someone who had manipulative tendencies that I encouraged, but my consistent willingness to "let" her do what was easy for her in the moment. In other words, no matter what I said, my actions rewarded her (in)actions.
Would you rather be a rigid, unforgiving bastard and slam the iron fist down on your girlfriend's every transgression? I don't think that's very conducive to a happy relationship, either.
No, it's not. But I am hypothesizing that I doomed the relationship by pretty much never taking a stand (mere bitching and moaning isn't a stand if you don't do something if the b&m doesn't in itself do the trick).
...but, really, what consequences could you have enforced? "Do the dishes or I'll dump you!" It even sounds petty.
That's an excellent question, and one that occurred to me more than once. What it took me a very long time to see, was that there was a whole pattern of disrespect; because most of the individual examples seemed petty, I did nothing about them. If I had presented a pattern, I might have had a case on which to put my foot.
Okay, so maybe I'm showing my youth and naivete here, but I still believe that it's better to be a good person and forgive easily than to be, well, a rigid and unforgiving bastard (Richard Dawkins agrees with me on that one).
I agree entirely. If may be that Laura needs/wants an "unforgiving bastard", in which case our relationship would also have been doomed; that isn't the kind of role I want to play in any relationship.
I guess the hard part is to find someone who's equally good and forgiving to spend your life with.
So far, finding someone to spend my life with has been the Impossible Dream. Maybe what I should be looking for is something polyamorous. Or maybe I shouldn't be "looking" at all.
Maybe, maybe, maybe ...
(Thursday isn't good. Nothing's good 'till Friday, really. Are you busy Sunday? Or else it'll have to be next week.)
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Anyway, don't be sorry for being psychoanalitic; not only am I an egotist, but you have interesting things to say. Maybe I should try again in a few years - but I suspect we'll both have moved on by that point (in my case at my age, I sure as hell hope so!).
In any case, next Thursday should be fine; I've added you to my calendar and will give you fair warning if my mother's impending visit (on Wednesday) looks to extend longer than expected.
Now, stop procrastinating!
And don't expect much in the way of (good) advice regarding the concert. I'll tell you what I think but take it with a grain of salt; I've never dressed for a show, and my tastes lately (for the ladies) tend toward the inordinately slutty-looking.
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Possibly, in 9 days, I will be able to offer you something useful, especially if you divulge such small details as: what kind of concert, who will be there with you, why you haven't invited me, what band/musican/symphony will headline, and what will you be doing afterwards? Tea with your dad? A speak-easy ("blind-pig"; see "booze-can") with your fella?
Details matter. Without, when a beautiful woman asks my sartorial advice, "slutty" is the default response.
(I also procrastinate, in case you're wondering.)
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That said, if you plan on dancing, I would recommend something solid - preferably steel-toed - in the shoe department. Other than that, I'll do my best in the esthetic department next Thursday.
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