you know i'm putting it off
yes, yes... i'm putting off that paper that was briefly mentioned in my last post by taking surveys.
so, my thought on cigarettes this past week have been "i should be able to smoke when i'm on break." it keeps me from over-doing it, and it helps deter me from forming a habit. before this, i used to smoke a lot on campus because it was very relaxing... but to smoke to relieve stress will make me NEED a cigarette. if i smoke just to enjoy it, then there ought to be no problem.
well that's what i was thinking last week. and today my body feels like crap! combine the facts that i drank last night and have been smoking after going a month (is it a month? i'll round up either way), it's understandable that i feel this way. then you add in that i didnt rest well, and HAVEN'T been resting well for the past two weeks, i sorta just feel like sleeping until winter break. the sleep thing is to be blamed on aj getting internet! my sleep schedule is very much in synch w/ japan now.
this break has been nice.
i wish it could go on for a few more days. feels like it's being cut short, and things are left unresolved. not that there's anything for my friends and i to "resolve," but i'm just saying it has that feeling. i guess it's "i should have even more fun, dammit." feels like we spent most of our time shopping, instead of just hanging out and playing like we did in the summer. oh well, there will be winter break soon enough.
this post is not "written for fun" by the way...
so dont expect any "oh i want to live my life this way" or "i feel like this because of this" kind of BS like i usually type. this whole thing is to keep me from writing my paper.
haha how stupid! to avoid writing a paper, i'm going to write something else (probably of equal length).
so yea, my last kiss was chris, while we were at a halloween party in richmond... if you can even call it a "halloween" party. it was fun, though. clearly, i was drunk. the only guy i'd kiss sober is raf! ha... ha... ... ... ...
so, we were sitting in a b.net chat, and raf says "y'know... i've thought it out. and in the last year, the only people i've kissed were all guys" i immediately start laughing at him, ready to crack a joke... but i had to pause and think. "oh fuck."
i really need to kiss a girl. or atleast find one to hang with during winter break! "winter needs a girlfriend, always"
that's what va is saying to me right now. we're talking about relationships as we tend to do.
va is a great person to talk to (when she chooses to respond to me, that is). witty, intelligent, open and trusting...
edit: "alluring in its own twisted way"
...we think the same thigns at times
i dont know where this is going. this entry was going semi-smoothly until we started talking. now i just tab back in every few minutes to tack on another sentence.
ah, the next survey question is "last good cry." this works out because i talk to va a lot about alisa.
hm. since i'm talking to va about it i dont feel like talking about it here.
"i dont really remember, nor am i trying to remember..."
i suddenly dont feel like typing this anymore. blame va, she's taking up too much of my attention.
SHE JUST TOLD ME I'M LAGGING AND IS CHOOSING TO END THE CONVERSATION! haha