GAAAAAAAH!
I'm freaking out and working myself up over this, and it's awkward. To put simply, I recently got the opportunity to talk to the ex-girlfriend before last (God it sounds awful to say it like that, but without using names, I think that's the simplest way...SORRY!!!) and I'm to a point where she seems willing to actually interact with me on a social level, albeit a rather sterile one. That much is normal, though, I don't expect it to go fast or be much like it was, but maybe, in time, it will be worth the world to me again, and I feel a strange confidence that it will work out. If we can be friends again, it would validate every pain I've gone through over her, and justify all the changes I've been making to myself in order to be a better person, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I am hesitant to be very optimistic, but there's this gut feeling I have telling me it's the right time to make friends, if that's a possibility.
She's talking to me, that's a start. She's said she's interested in capoeira with me, which should be easier for her as there are a couple people there she already knows, and the focus won't be on us talking to each other or anything. Just kicking, which is perfectly fine. I hope she comes to this, and that it adds a little zone of comfort that we can build off of, but that's really up to her. I know I'm capable of impressing her with the "new and improved" me, but she has to be the one to decide to let me show it to her. I respect her, and if she finds it too difficult, despite my best efforts to make it worthwhile and easy for her, then I'll have to be content with her decision. It won't be a walk in the park, but my instinct tells me that it can work, and that overrides my optimism for right now.
On a completely opposite note, my current heartache's benefactor is completely ignoring me, and so I don't know what's going on there. We have to see each other at least one more time, if for no other reason than to return those things we've borrowed from each other. I also plan on giving her back the "live, laugh, love" placard she made for me on Valentine's Day, and some other small objects that I can't believe in the meaning of anymore. I don't know yet how this is going to work, so I'm just going to drift with the current until something definitive occurs. She will do what she wants, I guess.
I need to find a job. Desperately.
On a slightly different note, I got myself all anxious and worked-up today and cleaned most of my apartment. I could, in theory, have company now, and not feel embarrassed at them seeing my place.
She's talking to me, that's a start. She's said she's interested in capoeira with me, which should be easier for her as there are a couple people there she already knows, and the focus won't be on us talking to each other or anything. Just kicking, which is perfectly fine. I hope she comes to this, and that it adds a little zone of comfort that we can build off of, but that's really up to her. I know I'm capable of impressing her with the "new and improved" me, but she has to be the one to decide to let me show it to her. I respect her, and if she finds it too difficult, despite my best efforts to make it worthwhile and easy for her, then I'll have to be content with her decision. It won't be a walk in the park, but my instinct tells me that it can work, and that overrides my optimism for right now.
On a completely opposite note, my current heartache's benefactor is completely ignoring me, and so I don't know what's going on there. We have to see each other at least one more time, if for no other reason than to return those things we've borrowed from each other. I also plan on giving her back the "live, laugh, love" placard she made for me on Valentine's Day, and some other small objects that I can't believe in the meaning of anymore. I don't know yet how this is going to work, so I'm just going to drift with the current until something definitive occurs. She will do what she wants, I guess.
I need to find a job. Desperately.
On a slightly different note, I got myself all anxious and worked-up today and cleaned most of my apartment. I could, in theory, have company now, and not feel embarrassed at them seeing my place.