The Trials of Grading
I found this at one of those fail!blog things. Posted here for posterity because I found it hysterical and so true.
Student:
I don't understand why my grade was so low. How did I do on my research paper?
Teacher:
Actually, you didn't turn in a research paper. You submitted a large, awkward, random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interact at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn't submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation.
Student:
I don't understand why my grade was so low. How did I do on my research paper?
Teacher:
Actually, you didn't turn in a research paper. You submitted a large, awkward, random assemblage of sentences. In fact, the sentences you apparently kidnapped in the dead of night and forced into this violent and arbitrary plan of yours clearly seemed to be placed on the pages against their will. Reading your paper was like watching unfamiliar, uncomfortable people interact at a cocktail party that no one wanted to attend in the first place. You didn't submit a research paper. You submitted a hostage situation.