I have changed and i am happy with it
well it has been a long while since i have written on this but i started writing a bulletin on my myspace and it ended up being so much more that i feel i want to write it in my journal. so here we go...
its funny to think that people want to see me so badly that they are willing to drive like 20 miles for me
or take me out to dinner for my birthday
or people that i least expected call me on my birthday while the others i expected didnt
or hold on to a christmas gift for me for like 3 months and still get me a b day gift even though i havent seen them in so long
or want to buy me a really expensive piece of artwork from my fav artist while in the process of painting something original just for me
or staying on the phone talking for 4 hours about a complecated situation that it is difficult not to pick sides but just to hear me out and helping me with my first hangover
or just singing to me
i really do have great friends
and even tho i havent been seeing them at all lately they still love me and are not scared of showing or saying it
why stay focused on all of the bad things happening right now and the people who dont car when all these people that love you are wanting your time and say "i want to see you" or "come and see me at work" or "come over" instead of hearing "it doesnt matter" or "i dont cares"
this past year i have changed so much
i have done things i swore i would not do
i have met so many new and wonderful people
and i dont regret having funn
but i do feel bad for any friends that feel like i have abandoned them
i am so sorry
i have grown so much and come to realize that not every little thing has a purpose and that somethings dont matter
and "if someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go"
yes it will be hard but everyday it gets a lil more easier
if you feel that you need me know, i am always there for you
but i cant worry about not talking to anyone because i can't try to fix everything or make every awkward situation go away
if you care about me as much as you say you do and want me in your life: friend, best friend, sister, or more. you are also going to have to try
because i can't do it all on my own ne more
i have been vunerable to people that didnt deserve me and a good friend to the horrible friends and i have been burn so badly by people who i thought cared and lost so many "best friends" along the years
Vunerablity used to not be in my vocabulary, i would not let anyone in my head and i would hold everything in to my self. causing more self conscious thoughts
i am who i am and i dont need your approvel and great friends help me learn that if people dont like you fuck em they dont deserve you!
love me for me and if you dont like who i am i am sorry but i dont need you and you deff dont need me...
but neways i love you guys so much
thanks for being there.
its funny to think that people want to see me so badly that they are willing to drive like 20 miles for me
or take me out to dinner for my birthday
or people that i least expected call me on my birthday while the others i expected didnt
or hold on to a christmas gift for me for like 3 months and still get me a b day gift even though i havent seen them in so long
or want to buy me a really expensive piece of artwork from my fav artist while in the process of painting something original just for me
or staying on the phone talking for 4 hours about a complecated situation that it is difficult not to pick sides but just to hear me out and helping me with my first hangover
or just singing to me
i really do have great friends
and even tho i havent been seeing them at all lately they still love me and are not scared of showing or saying it
why stay focused on all of the bad things happening right now and the people who dont car when all these people that love you are wanting your time and say "i want to see you" or "come and see me at work" or "come over" instead of hearing "it doesnt matter" or "i dont cares"
this past year i have changed so much
i have done things i swore i would not do
i have met so many new and wonderful people
and i dont regret having funn
but i do feel bad for any friends that feel like i have abandoned them
i am so sorry
i have grown so much and come to realize that not every little thing has a purpose and that somethings dont matter
and "if someone wants to walk out of your life, let them go"
yes it will be hard but everyday it gets a lil more easier
if you feel that you need me know, i am always there for you
but i cant worry about not talking to anyone because i can't try to fix everything or make every awkward situation go away
if you care about me as much as you say you do and want me in your life: friend, best friend, sister, or more. you are also going to have to try
because i can't do it all on my own ne more
i have been vunerable to people that didnt deserve me and a good friend to the horrible friends and i have been burn so badly by people who i thought cared and lost so many "best friends" along the years
Vunerablity used to not be in my vocabulary, i would not let anyone in my head and i would hold everything in to my self. causing more self conscious thoughts
i am who i am and i dont need your approvel and great friends help me learn that if people dont like you fuck em they dont deserve you!
love me for me and if you dont like who i am i am sorry but i dont need you and you deff dont need me...
but neways i love you guys so much
thanks for being there.