(no subject)
before I started working, I'd kind of live everyday as it came. I went out with my friends frequently and stayed out as long as i legally and respectfully could.
Now, im kind of worn out. I mean, i cant even stare at a computer screen without my eye twitching on me. As attractive as it sounds, its quite irritating. I'm just physically tired and I'm stoked the physical aspect of everything isnt attached with being emotionally drained. thank god for that.
I'm amazingly happy with the fact that my parents ARE off my case, but i think i'll always be misunderstood by them. I can understand if i was misunderstood by someone who would never talk to me (directly or behind my back), or unfortunate aquaintances, but my own parents?
I think my mom has this image of who she wanted me to be; What she wanted me to look like, walk like, talk like, and even date like. I think i've failed her damned perfection image, and i've definitely shattered my fathers. its really dissapointing and depressing that what i see in myself is something my parents never have and will. they have this completely different perception of who i am. I question who i am from time to time, as anyone would who has noticeable flaws or tiny self esteem issues.
In any case, i hope one day they'll look at me and say something theyre proud of of me without adding that dreadful, "BUT" with an even more dreadful pause after the word.
,,, <--something like that.
i'm rambling.
and im 18 tomorrow.
...so is my father.
and papa.
i was my dads gift.
and im not sure if he wants to keep it anymore.
afterall, me, his gift, doesnt want as many ties with its owner, him, as i did before these past years.
this may not make logical sense.
well, it makes sense to me.
Now, im kind of worn out. I mean, i cant even stare at a computer screen without my eye twitching on me. As attractive as it sounds, its quite irritating. I'm just physically tired and I'm stoked the physical aspect of everything isnt attached with being emotionally drained. thank god for that.
I'm amazingly happy with the fact that my parents ARE off my case, but i think i'll always be misunderstood by them. I can understand if i was misunderstood by someone who would never talk to me (directly or behind my back), or unfortunate aquaintances, but my own parents?
I think my mom has this image of who she wanted me to be; What she wanted me to look like, walk like, talk like, and even date like. I think i've failed her damned perfection image, and i've definitely shattered my fathers. its really dissapointing and depressing that what i see in myself is something my parents never have and will. they have this completely different perception of who i am. I question who i am from time to time, as anyone would who has noticeable flaws or tiny self esteem issues.
In any case, i hope one day they'll look at me and say something theyre proud of of me without adding that dreadful, "BUT" with an even more dreadful pause after the word.
,,, <--something like that.
i'm rambling.
and im 18 tomorrow.
...so is my father.
and papa.
i was my dads gift.
and im not sure if he wants to keep it anymore.
afterall, me, his gift, doesnt want as many ties with its owner, him, as i did before these past years.
this may not make logical sense.
well, it makes sense to me.