Been so long, so long...
Wow, ok. Two or three months have come and gone... the seasons change, and so have I. I am now halfway through with the semester, and I have to say.. feeling pretty confident in getting As and a B. I'm managing the 40 hour job, the homework, the extracurricular, and of course, spending time talking to my Sara.
Which brings me to the reason i suddenly write tonight... sara seemed off the past few days after i visited her over the weekend, and we finally concluded that she feels envious of a couple that she knows who get to see each other whenever they feel compelled...
I realised then and now more than ever that it would be hard for us, but i just didnt know exactly what to expect... talking to sara often as i do, things just seem like a dream, and i have never had to imagine a circumstance where there was something i couldnt offer her or give to her to keep her happy. The distance is an issue, and we are doing an admirable job spending time together when we can, but we can't be like KT (oh yes, KT). The dynamic of our relationship makes me insecure sometimes and wonders if she gets tired of us being as far as we are, and she assured me tonight that she is committed to me and only wants me. Because love is blind, and nothing wrong with giving up some control of your heart from time to time, I have no choice but to accept this. But i still feel so unempowered... so unable to offer her something that to many people seems to be taken for granted. The little things done together that u enjoy when you are by each others side... sure, i work alot and have school and she does too, but the time spent at nite could be spent together also.... these and more are the things we talked about tonight, and i just had to get her stance on what she wants from the relationship and if shes willing to keep dedication to it.
A long distance relationship is probably the hardest thing to do because of the nature of time spent and then apart. However, because of my love for her and my having fallen so hard i cant get up, i must simply go along with whatever is thrown in our path. if we must keep things this way till the scenery changes, then i accept that. and i hope that deep down, she does too.
along that vein, i find myself enthralled and captivated by her, but sent into weird moods when things go awry. the control over my heart she has scares me , and its not something ive been used to for a long time. i wish we could turn the clock back a week or two and just look forward to time spent so soon, instead of looking at the further future and hoping for the best in the meantime. since we have to do what we can online, its important that we both give our all to make sure its as dreamy and wonderful as it has been up to this weekend.
and soon, on sat the 12th, marks 5 months together. as for days spent... that would be like.. 25 or so of those hehe... 1/5 isnt bad at all if u think about it. but ofcourse, ideally it would be anytime and all the time, if that what it takes. i hope she knows how important her being in my life is, how she helps me be a better person, with clear sight of goals and dreams, and motivation to succeed and do better. i think its true that women add years to a mans life, as they give us more than we can offer ourselves. without her, it would be easy enough to be consumed by vice, such as drinking and whatnot. but, im a better person for having her and can only hope she understands that.
yeah i ranted enough for now... till next time. love you so much my star... and see u soon lj
Which brings me to the reason i suddenly write tonight... sara seemed off the past few days after i visited her over the weekend, and we finally concluded that she feels envious of a couple that she knows who get to see each other whenever they feel compelled...
I realised then and now more than ever that it would be hard for us, but i just didnt know exactly what to expect... talking to sara often as i do, things just seem like a dream, and i have never had to imagine a circumstance where there was something i couldnt offer her or give to her to keep her happy. The distance is an issue, and we are doing an admirable job spending time together when we can, but we can't be like KT (oh yes, KT). The dynamic of our relationship makes me insecure sometimes and wonders if she gets tired of us being as far as we are, and she assured me tonight that she is committed to me and only wants me. Because love is blind, and nothing wrong with giving up some control of your heart from time to time, I have no choice but to accept this. But i still feel so unempowered... so unable to offer her something that to many people seems to be taken for granted. The little things done together that u enjoy when you are by each others side... sure, i work alot and have school and she does too, but the time spent at nite could be spent together also.... these and more are the things we talked about tonight, and i just had to get her stance on what she wants from the relationship and if shes willing to keep dedication to it.
A long distance relationship is probably the hardest thing to do because of the nature of time spent and then apart. However, because of my love for her and my having fallen so hard i cant get up, i must simply go along with whatever is thrown in our path. if we must keep things this way till the scenery changes, then i accept that. and i hope that deep down, she does too.
along that vein, i find myself enthralled and captivated by her, but sent into weird moods when things go awry. the control over my heart she has scares me , and its not something ive been used to for a long time. i wish we could turn the clock back a week or two and just look forward to time spent so soon, instead of looking at the further future and hoping for the best in the meantime. since we have to do what we can online, its important that we both give our all to make sure its as dreamy and wonderful as it has been up to this weekend.
and soon, on sat the 12th, marks 5 months together. as for days spent... that would be like.. 25 or so of those hehe... 1/5 isnt bad at all if u think about it. but ofcourse, ideally it would be anytime and all the time, if that what it takes. i hope she knows how important her being in my life is, how she helps me be a better person, with clear sight of goals and dreams, and motivation to succeed and do better. i think its true that women add years to a mans life, as they give us more than we can offer ourselves. without her, it would be easy enough to be consumed by vice, such as drinking and whatnot. but, im a better person for having her and can only hope she understands that.
yeah i ranted enough for now... till next time. love you so much my star... and see u soon lj