Processing Day 4
It is 2:16 AM, but I'm slowly winding down and needing to process a bit, so I thin I'll share it here this time.
For 4 days I've been working with OpOKRelief. It is a consortium of grassroots groups that work apart from the larger NGO's, such as Red Cross. Working with this group is giving me a perspective during a disaster here in the US, that I've never had before. I am frustrated and angry at what I've seen up to this point. The potential corruption is unlimited. I am too tired to speak of Red Cross right now, but trust me..do not EVER turn your donation money over to them. I'm also clean pissed off at our governor and larger political bodies of this state. In order to prove their agendas they are undoing those that are in turmoil and pain. How fucking dare them sit in their nice houses, with lots of shiny things in them and new cars in the garage, sit and tell those who have NOTHING left that they don't need any more help than they are receiving. Another issue to fully discuss. I'll just say that we now have people outside of the Moore area that are now living in tents, under tarps or in their cars, because our government and Red Cross and FEMA are acting like they don't exist or are shutting out those who want to help. I am seeing in our 1st world setting that we are not so different from the 3rd world setting I experienced. It is gut wrenching to witness.
Today, I'm hitting the point of feeling overwhelmed with it all. Too much to do, too much not getting done, too much that could be done except it is being blocked. As long as I keep busy, I don't cry much, but everyday it is less and less possible to hold it all back. As much as I am an Okie and have a sense of pride in it and in the individuals that are amazing and blow me out of the water, I want to pack it up and move to another more progressive place. I'm very close to becoming and ex-pat. I've never seen myself as an anarchist before, but now I'm not so sure. I'm good at this....donations, organizing, bringing people together to create a single lens to look through. I know I have a core strength to do it. Let the tears come for a bit, but then take a deep breath and keep moving forward, without anger in my every step. I want to shake people and tell them to learn the lessons of the storm. Please let them learn, so we don't slide any further down to being inhuman over the have's and have nots and money. Put your political shit aside and work. It is as simple as that. Work together with everyone.
I am performing a neo-blessing way for my grandson tomorrow. Tonight, I got to hold him and smell him and watch him look at everything with those gorgeous, huge baby eyes. The world is shiny and clean and brilliant for him now. I almost didn't want to pick him up with this emotional sludge running through me. Petting babies, we called it in Haiti. When all of the adult world was insane and we were needing a fresh perspective we'd go on a run to an orphanage and play with the babies and kids. They were medicine for the soul. I let Ru be my medicine for a little while. Tomorrow it is about meditations for him and prayers in flags for him. Mine will most certainly have to do with my prayer for him to find a world that listens to the kind voices, is strong because of it, and that when he is my age, he'll never find himself where I am now.
For 4 days I've been working with OpOKRelief. It is a consortium of grassroots groups that work apart from the larger NGO's, such as Red Cross. Working with this group is giving me a perspective during a disaster here in the US, that I've never had before. I am frustrated and angry at what I've seen up to this point. The potential corruption is unlimited. I am too tired to speak of Red Cross right now, but trust me..do not EVER turn your donation money over to them. I'm also clean pissed off at our governor and larger political bodies of this state. In order to prove their agendas they are undoing those that are in turmoil and pain. How fucking dare them sit in their nice houses, with lots of shiny things in them and new cars in the garage, sit and tell those who have NOTHING left that they don't need any more help than they are receiving. Another issue to fully discuss. I'll just say that we now have people outside of the Moore area that are now living in tents, under tarps or in their cars, because our government and Red Cross and FEMA are acting like they don't exist or are shutting out those who want to help. I am seeing in our 1st world setting that we are not so different from the 3rd world setting I experienced. It is gut wrenching to witness.
Today, I'm hitting the point of feeling overwhelmed with it all. Too much to do, too much not getting done, too much that could be done except it is being blocked. As long as I keep busy, I don't cry much, but everyday it is less and less possible to hold it all back. As much as I am an Okie and have a sense of pride in it and in the individuals that are amazing and blow me out of the water, I want to pack it up and move to another more progressive place. I'm very close to becoming and ex-pat. I've never seen myself as an anarchist before, but now I'm not so sure. I'm good at this....donations, organizing, bringing people together to create a single lens to look through. I know I have a core strength to do it. Let the tears come for a bit, but then take a deep breath and keep moving forward, without anger in my every step. I want to shake people and tell them to learn the lessons of the storm. Please let them learn, so we don't slide any further down to being inhuman over the have's and have nots and money. Put your political shit aside and work. It is as simple as that. Work together with everyone.
I am performing a neo-blessing way for my grandson tomorrow. Tonight, I got to hold him and smell him and watch him look at everything with those gorgeous, huge baby eyes. The world is shiny and clean and brilliant for him now. I almost didn't want to pick him up with this emotional sludge running through me. Petting babies, we called it in Haiti. When all of the adult world was insane and we were needing a fresh perspective we'd go on a run to an orphanage and play with the babies and kids. They were medicine for the soul. I let Ru be my medicine for a little while. Tomorrow it is about meditations for him and prayers in flags for him. Mine will most certainly have to do with my prayer for him to find a world that listens to the kind voices, is strong because of it, and that when he is my age, he'll never find himself where I am now.