[Log] Patching holes
Characters: AU Chang Wufei & AU Quatre Winner
Where: Om Okto
When: A few days after the attacks and Heero's suicide attempt
Summary: Wufei has a hole in her wall, Quatre comes to help fix it, and they talk.
Warnings: Talk of suicide, general angst and fluff
Quatre's kicked the door gently with his foot. Both arms had been taken up with holding a rather large box full of materials and tools, most of them Heero's, leaving him nothing but his feet. From the front, all that could be seen was his legs, the box, and the arms wrapped around them.
That's the view that met Wufei when she opened the door, making her snort a laugh. "Got enough stuff?" she asked as threw the door wide and went to help guide him in. "You could rebuild the entire compound with all that."
"Hopefully, we won't have to." he chuckled, his voice partially blocked by the box. Once inside, he was able to set his burden down on the floor, giving him a chance to look her up and down briefly. There was nothing in this but his usual concern for others' welfare. "How have you been able to keep warm?"
Wufei smiled. "You are the one who gave me that immense comforter," she pointed out. "Plus, the door to my room closes pretty tight. I've been blocking the drafts with towels. The heat still works in there."
"That's good." After rummaging around in the box, he had pulled out what he needed for the first stage, including a large piece of metal, a bag of insulation, and several tools. "At least Rose has fur...that's her room, isn't it?"
"She's in the room with Ed," Wufei admitted. "Trowa has the other bed in my room." She thought of it has her room. "It just worked out that way. So how are we going to do this?"
If Quatre was honest with himself, he was somewhat jealous at that, even though it was an unreasonable bit of jealousy. Just...the idea of her sharing the room with another man, even out of necessity, made his stomach clench, just a little.
But he wasn't so blind as to not see that there was nothing in this, and subdued himself with a slight shrug of the shoulders. They could discuss their relationship later....it wasn't the only thing on his mind.
"I'll do what I can to fix it..." He looked over his shoulder as his feet turned in that direction. A slight, hesitant smile graced his features then. "Would you sit and talk with me as I work? Only if you're not busy, though..."
"I can do better than that," she said. "I can help. But we can certainly chat. This Warden business is unsettling, at least."
Quatre shook his head. "I wish I knew what to make of it. have you heard anything more?" he hadn't, but knew he wasn't the only one with information. His armful was set down on the floor. As the couch needed to be moved, he got to one side and began inching it away from the wall.
Wufei went to seize the other end and help him. "I haven't heard much. Some want to protect him, some want to attack him. I posted that we Gundam pilots had no interest in him, in case anyone was worried. I hope none of those infants prove me a liar."
"I doubt it-" Quatre grunted. "....I'm certainly not going to, and as for the others...." For a moment, he just focused on moving the couch. Once there was enough room, he was able to move in and sit on the floor, spreading the tools around his crossed legs.
Having said 'the others', an odd look came over his face, as though it reminded him of something, but he shrugged. That would come out soon enough. "I don't know if he deserves death, but he can't be aloowed to hurt anyone else."
Wufei eyed him. She didn't have his empathy but she could see that he was thinking of something troubling. She perched on the back of the couch and looked down at him. "Of course not. I didn't say we wouldn't defend ourselves if we had to. Just that we wouldn't attack him out of the blue. I'm sure that's what some think of us, thanks to the Yuy's latest fiasco." She frowned. She was still rather angry at him for his foolishness.
Glancing quickly at her at this, something seemed to stir in his eyes, but he looked away again. "Heero never meant to cause so much trouble." With unnecessary force, he shoved a long, thin saw into the wall to cut a square around the hole. It would be easier to patch then.
"Of course not," she said, able to swallow most of her contempt. "We both know what he really meant to do."
The saw jammed. Scowling at it, Quatre readjusted his grasp and yanked. It didn't budge. "Wufei....I know what you think about him..." Another stout yank, and it came free, showering him with dust. He turned away, coughing into his sleeve a moment.
"That he's a self-destructive child?" She asked. "Be careful, Quatre."
At those particular words, this fingers tightened on the handle of the saw. Quatre winced visibly. "He....." Well, now was maybe not the time. Unsure of when to tell her, or how, the blond began tearing at the wall again in silence.
She would have to be told, of course, but he was afraid of her reaction. It would have to be done delicately. "I....wanted to talk to you about that..." he murmured at length.
"About what?" she asked, blinking at him.
It was a good thing he had something else to focus on. "About Heero." His lips formed into a tight line. "He's....he's been having a very hard time this lat few weeks."
"Then he should be elated," she quipped. "Nothing makes him happier than a hard time."
"Wufei-" he snapped, unintentionally. Softening his voice, Quatre continued. "Please...don't make light of it. It's....bad." He couldn't be angry at her, especially when she didn't know.
Wufei sighed. "I don't mean to make light of it. But I just can't...I don't like problems I can't solve, I suppose. And he's one. There's nothing I can do when he behaves the way he does."
"There's nothing anyone can do to help him." Quatre's shoulders drooped. Turning to her, he left off his work on the wall for a moment, and reached out to take her hand. This was more to try and make sure she didn't get angry enough to run off and do something rash....which he was afraid of. "A few days ago, I found him in the tub. He....had his gun...."
Wufei's eyes went huge. "He what? He wasn't serious, was he?"
Hanging his head, Quatre nodded. It was as though the weight of the whole thing had returned to him then. "I think he....felt that it would be easier for me to clean up that way."
This came out without his thinking about it, just another horrible detail that had occurred to him later on, and was voiced at that moment. He didn't realize what he said until after he was done, and it seemed to knock the wind out of him.
Wufei couldn't remember ever being so angry since she had come to this place. She clenched her fists so hard her nails would certainly draw blood. "That selfish, cowardly little cur!" she snarled. "How dare he even consider doing that to us! To you! That is unforgivable! I have half a mind to go finish the job, and painfully! How could he?
This was exactly what Quatre had feared would happen, and he was already moving in, his own emotions bubbling around confusedly. Before she could move away, or continue, his hands shot up to grasp her shoulders. They were shaking slightly. "WUFEI! Please....please stop! Please...just...."
Why was he telling her to stop? Stop what? Stop being angry? Stop feeling fear over what Heero had almost done? His voice died helplessly for the moment.
Wufei reached up to throw her arms around him. "You must have been so scared. What would you have done, if he had gone through with it? I couldn't bear to have him hurt you so badly. I'll kill him before he...and yes I know, but...damn him!"
This movement actually surprised him, enough that he stiffened for an instant, his eyes round. What she had just said.... However, the warmth of her arms, and her sentiments, began to slowly break through this. Quatre allowed himself to cling to her then, digging his fingers into her shirt. As he buried his face in her shoulder, he found himself shaking. Just shaking....no tears, and for the moment, no words but her name.
"Wufei....." A meaning far beyond what he could convey was in this name, in the way he said it. What would he have done? He had been scared, more than he could even think about right now.
"I hate him," she whispered. "I hate someone so weak that he hurts others."
His fingers tightened. "Don't-" This was what he couldn't bear; the harm that Heero had caused by merely coming close. Her anger.... Quatre's expression tightened into something half-anguished, half-feral. Luckily, she couldn't see it. "Please, Wufei...I can't....can't stand it!"
It sounded selfish, but he couldn't take the words back. She had been hurt, too. How could he put his own emotions before hers?
"I'm sorry, Quatre," she said lowly. "But it just angers me. So very much. He could be such a great man if he would only let himself live. But he won't, because he is a coward. And I know how much you care about him. You don't deserve to be treated that way. You deserve better."
"It's not about me." he muttered fiercely. Not at her, but at the whole situation. "He thought he was hurting everyone...that he hadn't done anything right at all. He hates himself..."
"And if he had gone through with it he would have hurt you...hurt all of us! What is wrong with him? What could he have been thinking? I could just...argh!" she just ended with a wordless exclamation of anger.
His body trembled in her arms. "I know......" Except at that moment, when he had first seen Heero in the tub, and flung the weapon out of his grasp, he hadn't allowed himself to dwell on it. Quatre had forced that very image away under self-imposed barriers, only to have it screech back like a Fury, full of vengeance. It was still all he could do not to break right there.
"I had to tell you....I knew you would figure it out....I....I wanted to talk to someone...." As these words poured out of his mouth, he was only half-aware of them. Not that he could stop himself now... "I've never been so scared in my life, never...."
Wufei's grip tightened on him. "That...that...cowardly little...I could just..." she couldn't think of anything vile enough to pay for the fear he had caused Quatre.
His voice was muffled in her shirt. "Maybe....maybe it was....but he didn't go through with it...." Her anger was partly on his behalf. This realization cut through the darkness as little else could, that she cared about him so deeply... But he didn't want her to continue. Quatre had known what this news would do to her, and he hated seeing her in this state. It was almost as painful as seeing Heero in that tub, gun ready to do its grisly business.
"I took the gun away." he murmured. "He didn't try to get it back. He....let me.... Wufei, he said he had hurt Miss Relena, both of them... But he didn't! It was her choice!"
"Oh that fool man. Those fool men! Fighting over the Countesses." She squeezed he eyes shut. "Then it was my fault. But I was so frustrated with him at the time, and I didn't know it would lead to this."
Utter silence, then Quatre pulled away to stare at her, not angrily. "What? I don't understand...."
"I told the male Wufei about Heero and the Countess," she sighed. "I only mentioned it in passing and he asked me about it. I was venting. But perhaps I shouldn't have. I should not have been gossiping. It's dishonorable."
At this, Quatre's face took on an odd expression. Nothing quite clear, except that it wasn't a happy look, certainly. "Wufei argued with Heero about it. That's what...set him off...." But he wouldn't put any blame on her. If she shared any guilt, Quatre refused to see it. The whole thing was a misunderstanding....
"I didn't think he would actually confront him," groaned Wufei. "They argued? Fought?"
Quatre nodded, but took her face between his hands for a moment. "It wasn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself. He's...." Unable to continue without speaking what he really thought of her double, Quatre's head drooped. "He told Heero to stay away from Miss Relena...that he was hurting her." His jaw clenched angrily. " The one way he's been able to find a moment of comfort, and it had to be taken from him, too."
"Stay away from her?" Wufei asked. "Which one? Both? Why did he think he could tell Yuy anything?"
Quatre shook his head, but didn't look up. "Wufei was trying to keep the other Miss Relena safe...the one who isn't a pilot. But....he said that Heero was hurting them both very much, and it..." Both hands had already fallen back to her shoulders, but one pulled away to jerk across his moist eyes. "He didn't understand."
Wufei drew him in again, sliding her arms around him. "That couldn't have been the whole reason," she murmured.
His cheek ended up pressed against her neck, under her chin. He moaned, clutching her around her waist. "This place is killing him." It was killing all of them.... "If we don't get out, I don't know if I'll be able to stop him.....or anyone else...."
He wasn't able to cry much anymore, but she would feel a few tears, wet against her skin. "We can't lose them...."
"He's killing himself," she protested. "He won't allow himself to live, even while he's still breathing."
"How can he, when he's attacked at every turn?" Quatre protested. He might as well have been leveling these words at the male Wufei. Turning his face into her neck, as though to hide from the inevitable, he added, "I don't know what more I can do for him." Nothing he had done had been enough, and it just added to the deep feeling of helplessness.
"You can't fix everyone," Wufei said gently, soothingly. She calmed herself for Quatre's sake but inside she was still raging against the coward who had caused him so much pain. "He has to want to live. He has to choose to do it. And no one can make that choice for him."
"He has chosen to live...but is this living?" He hadn't meant to have things turn this way, but it was too late now. "He doesn't want to live here. And....maybe I'm a fool to try... But I know who I am, who my parents were, I know what I want." As he moved his head, his lips brushed her neck. "I have something worth living for."
"So does he, but he's afraid to. He's afraid to live," she sighed. "He's a coward." She didn't mean to say that out loud but she couldn't help herself, she was so angry at him.
Quatre forced himself to pull away from her again, just enough to look her in the eyes. His own were wet, but only one tear managed to roll down his cheek, unnoticed. Cupping his hands along her jaw, Quatre whispered. "I know you think he is.... He hurt you, too. You can't help caring about him."
His head tilted forward slightly, until it met with hers. Quatre's eyes closed. "If he was really a coward, he would have been dead long ago."
"I'm not sure I buy that argument, Quatre," she admitted. "I don't know what would make him live. It's not just a one time choice. Just because he said it once doesn't mean he is continuing to live by it. And of course I care about him," she shook her head. "Though right now I'm angrier at what he almost did to you, than what he almost did to himself."
This last touched him deeply. "Oh, Wufei....." People didn't always consider his feelings, and while he didn't usually mind it, sometimes it felt good to have someone notice. "You're so kind...." A few fingers reached up to stroke a lock of her dark hair behind her ear. "Maybe it did hurt....but it's just...I'm so worried about him. If you could find it in you to....to place some of that kindness in his favor...." Sea-green and pleading with her, his eyes held her gaze earnestly.
She met his gaze. "I'll try, but only for your sake," she replied quietly. "If it were up to me I'd make him wish he had finished the job."
This response drew an odd one of his own, half-fear at her even suggesting she would harm Heero, and half-joy, knowing her control had to do with himself. It was certainly a strange mixture. "Thank you...." he breathed, eyes closing in relief. "Wufei...I love him. Not...not the same way as I love you, but... He's my brother. I hate seeing what this place has done to him."
His brow furrowed a bit more. "I know he would be better anywhere else..."
"Wouldn't we all?" she asked, casting her gaze towards the damaged wall. "I thought he cared about you. He told me once how much you meant to him. But I guess those were just words," she sighed.
That caught the blond's attention. "He....did?" Biting his lip a bit, he looked down. "Any of you caring about me....I mean, if he said it, he must have meant it... He wouldn't ever say something like that unless he meant it." Unless he had been under a spell, but that seemed unlikely. "Do you really think he was lying?"
"I thought he meant it," she replied. "But his actions weren't very caring, were they?"
"He didn't go through with it." Quatre insisted. "He gave up on the idea when I came in. Maybe....maybe that's the action to look at." Though his tone had hardened, it was only with determination. "Whatever it was, I'm not going to give up on him."
She couldn't help but smile fondly. "You have such a good heart, Quatre," she murmured.
"If you think so," he smiled back, blushing a bit, "Then....it must be true." The wall, and his promise to fix it came back to his mind, bringing a slight frown. He didn't want to leave her arms, though, and....
"Wufei....there is something else. Maybe it's wrong of me to be thinking about this too, but...I am a little worried about it." Her comment about himself had been the reminder. Quatre pulled away a bit, just to give her more space. At the very least, it might be good to divert her attention from the subject of self-destructive Japanese pilots.
She was still smiling a bit. "Then let's talk about that. I'm tired of thinking about Yuy for the moment."
He wasn't exactly eased by this, but let it pass. An almost childishly penitent look came to his face then, but he took her hands, holding them gently in his own. "I...wanted to talk about what happened that week before...before all this." He bit his lip. "We both said and did things that...maybe we didn't mean." He had meant nearly all of it, except some very silly, corny things.
Wufei actually flushed a bit. "I was a bit of a giggly schoolgirl," she said, averting her gaze.
His hand caught her head by the cheek as it moved, drawing her gaze back to him. "I didn't mind it...honestly! I was kind of an idiot myself."
Her smile grew. "Were you? I didn't notice."
"You were very kind not to, then." he flushed. Then, turning an even deeper shade of crimson, confessed, "I....really liked it, anyway. I've never done that before, or felt something so strong...." Even though they had not even come close to 'going all the way', as Duo would have put it, Quatre's innocent mind couldn't help classifying it as dreadfully near. His eyes did look a bit frightened. "I wanted to apologize if, under whatever...spell we were under...I went too far."
"It was a spell," she said. "And though it might have been faster than we would have gone if there was no spell, it wasn't too far. I thought a lot about it," she admitted. "And I can't think of anything I said that I would want to take back."
"Neither can I." he said quickly, leaning in a bit. Another look of consciousness followed this. "I...thought a lot about it, too. A LOT." More than he should have, probably. "I think about you a lot, too. But, most of the time, it makes me think more clearly. I don't know why..." His eyes strayed to her neck, then back to her eyes. It was difficult not to want to start kissing her right off the bat. But he didn't want to get too physical about it, either. he could just as well sit and talk, running his thumbs along the backs of her hands. They were very smooth...
Wufei watched him, then chuckled quietly. She would never have guessed a year ago that this would happen. "Why indeed," she laughed. "I suppose we should work on the wall," she admitted after a moment.
Quatre did seem slightly disappointed, but his hands slid from hers. "I guess so..." One rubbed the back of his neck idly. "I don't want you to be cold." Well, she was near him, and though his body might have desires, being this close was enough for the moment. He smiled a bit and moved back to the floor. "If you could hold the patch in place, so I could fasten it to the wall?"
He had reached down and picked up a square piece of metal, covered on one side with plaster. This he then placed inside the hole, looking back at her with his brow wrinkled in question.
Wufei followed and reached up to hold it in place. "Once this is done," she promised. "I'll make us some tea."
As she leaned near him, he placed a brief kiss on her cheek. "You're such a kind person, Wufei...." Probably a bit much over the promise of tea, but it was the whole thing, really. She had promised not to move against Heero in vengeance, and that was more than reason enough.
"If I am, it's from your good influence," she admitted with a smile.
"No, you had it there already. But...thanks for the vote of confidence." Chuckling at this, Quatre moved in to attach the new piece to the wall.
Where: Om Okto
When: A few days after the attacks and Heero's suicide attempt
Summary: Wufei has a hole in her wall, Quatre comes to help fix it, and they talk.
Warnings: Talk of suicide, general angst and fluff
Quatre's kicked the door gently with his foot. Both arms had been taken up with holding a rather large box full of materials and tools, most of them Heero's, leaving him nothing but his feet. From the front, all that could be seen was his legs, the box, and the arms wrapped around them.
That's the view that met Wufei when she opened the door, making her snort a laugh. "Got enough stuff?" she asked as threw the door wide and went to help guide him in. "You could rebuild the entire compound with all that."
"Hopefully, we won't have to." he chuckled, his voice partially blocked by the box. Once inside, he was able to set his burden down on the floor, giving him a chance to look her up and down briefly. There was nothing in this but his usual concern for others' welfare. "How have you been able to keep warm?"
Wufei smiled. "You are the one who gave me that immense comforter," she pointed out. "Plus, the door to my room closes pretty tight. I've been blocking the drafts with towels. The heat still works in there."
"That's good." After rummaging around in the box, he had pulled out what he needed for the first stage, including a large piece of metal, a bag of insulation, and several tools. "At least Rose has fur...that's her room, isn't it?"
"She's in the room with Ed," Wufei admitted. "Trowa has the other bed in my room." She thought of it has her room. "It just worked out that way. So how are we going to do this?"
If Quatre was honest with himself, he was somewhat jealous at that, even though it was an unreasonable bit of jealousy. Just...the idea of her sharing the room with another man, even out of necessity, made his stomach clench, just a little.
But he wasn't so blind as to not see that there was nothing in this, and subdued himself with a slight shrug of the shoulders. They could discuss their relationship later....it wasn't the only thing on his mind.
"I'll do what I can to fix it..." He looked over his shoulder as his feet turned in that direction. A slight, hesitant smile graced his features then. "Would you sit and talk with me as I work? Only if you're not busy, though..."
"I can do better than that," she said. "I can help. But we can certainly chat. This Warden business is unsettling, at least."
Quatre shook his head. "I wish I knew what to make of it. have you heard anything more?" he hadn't, but knew he wasn't the only one with information. His armful was set down on the floor. As the couch needed to be moved, he got to one side and began inching it away from the wall.
Wufei went to seize the other end and help him. "I haven't heard much. Some want to protect him, some want to attack him. I posted that we Gundam pilots had no interest in him, in case anyone was worried. I hope none of those infants prove me a liar."
"I doubt it-" Quatre grunted. "....I'm certainly not going to, and as for the others...." For a moment, he just focused on moving the couch. Once there was enough room, he was able to move in and sit on the floor, spreading the tools around his crossed legs.
Having said 'the others', an odd look came over his face, as though it reminded him of something, but he shrugged. That would come out soon enough. "I don't know if he deserves death, but he can't be aloowed to hurt anyone else."
Wufei eyed him. She didn't have his empathy but she could see that he was thinking of something troubling. She perched on the back of the couch and looked down at him. "Of course not. I didn't say we wouldn't defend ourselves if we had to. Just that we wouldn't attack him out of the blue. I'm sure that's what some think of us, thanks to the Yuy's latest fiasco." She frowned. She was still rather angry at him for his foolishness.
Glancing quickly at her at this, something seemed to stir in his eyes, but he looked away again. "Heero never meant to cause so much trouble." With unnecessary force, he shoved a long, thin saw into the wall to cut a square around the hole. It would be easier to patch then.
"Of course not," she said, able to swallow most of her contempt. "We both know what he really meant to do."
The saw jammed. Scowling at it, Quatre readjusted his grasp and yanked. It didn't budge. "Wufei....I know what you think about him..." Another stout yank, and it came free, showering him with dust. He turned away, coughing into his sleeve a moment.
"That he's a self-destructive child?" She asked. "Be careful, Quatre."
At those particular words, this fingers tightened on the handle of the saw. Quatre winced visibly. "He....." Well, now was maybe not the time. Unsure of when to tell her, or how, the blond began tearing at the wall again in silence.
She would have to be told, of course, but he was afraid of her reaction. It would have to be done delicately. "I....wanted to talk to you about that..." he murmured at length.
"About what?" she asked, blinking at him.
It was a good thing he had something else to focus on. "About Heero." His lips formed into a tight line. "He's....he's been having a very hard time this lat few weeks."
"Then he should be elated," she quipped. "Nothing makes him happier than a hard time."
"Wufei-" he snapped, unintentionally. Softening his voice, Quatre continued. "Please...don't make light of it. It's....bad." He couldn't be angry at her, especially when she didn't know.
Wufei sighed. "I don't mean to make light of it. But I just can't...I don't like problems I can't solve, I suppose. And he's one. There's nothing I can do when he behaves the way he does."
"There's nothing anyone can do to help him." Quatre's shoulders drooped. Turning to her, he left off his work on the wall for a moment, and reached out to take her hand. This was more to try and make sure she didn't get angry enough to run off and do something rash....which he was afraid of. "A few days ago, I found him in the tub. He....had his gun...."
Wufei's eyes went huge. "He what? He wasn't serious, was he?"
Hanging his head, Quatre nodded. It was as though the weight of the whole thing had returned to him then. "I think he....felt that it would be easier for me to clean up that way."
This came out without his thinking about it, just another horrible detail that had occurred to him later on, and was voiced at that moment. He didn't realize what he said until after he was done, and it seemed to knock the wind out of him.
Wufei couldn't remember ever being so angry since she had come to this place. She clenched her fists so hard her nails would certainly draw blood. "That selfish, cowardly little cur!" she snarled. "How dare he even consider doing that to us! To you! That is unforgivable! I have half a mind to go finish the job, and painfully! How could he?
This was exactly what Quatre had feared would happen, and he was already moving in, his own emotions bubbling around confusedly. Before she could move away, or continue, his hands shot up to grasp her shoulders. They were shaking slightly. "WUFEI! Please....please stop! Please...just...."
Why was he telling her to stop? Stop what? Stop being angry? Stop feeling fear over what Heero had almost done? His voice died helplessly for the moment.
Wufei reached up to throw her arms around him. "You must have been so scared. What would you have done, if he had gone through with it? I couldn't bear to have him hurt you so badly. I'll kill him before he...and yes I know, but...damn him!"
This movement actually surprised him, enough that he stiffened for an instant, his eyes round. What she had just said.... However, the warmth of her arms, and her sentiments, began to slowly break through this. Quatre allowed himself to cling to her then, digging his fingers into her shirt. As he buried his face in her shoulder, he found himself shaking. Just shaking....no tears, and for the moment, no words but her name.
"Wufei....." A meaning far beyond what he could convey was in this name, in the way he said it. What would he have done? He had been scared, more than he could even think about right now.
"I hate him," she whispered. "I hate someone so weak that he hurts others."
His fingers tightened. "Don't-" This was what he couldn't bear; the harm that Heero had caused by merely coming close. Her anger.... Quatre's expression tightened into something half-anguished, half-feral. Luckily, she couldn't see it. "Please, Wufei...I can't....can't stand it!"
It sounded selfish, but he couldn't take the words back. She had been hurt, too. How could he put his own emotions before hers?
"I'm sorry, Quatre," she said lowly. "But it just angers me. So very much. He could be such a great man if he would only let himself live. But he won't, because he is a coward. And I know how much you care about him. You don't deserve to be treated that way. You deserve better."
"It's not about me." he muttered fiercely. Not at her, but at the whole situation. "He thought he was hurting everyone...that he hadn't done anything right at all. He hates himself..."
"And if he had gone through with it he would have hurt you...hurt all of us! What is wrong with him? What could he have been thinking? I could just...argh!" she just ended with a wordless exclamation of anger.
His body trembled in her arms. "I know......" Except at that moment, when he had first seen Heero in the tub, and flung the weapon out of his grasp, he hadn't allowed himself to dwell on it. Quatre had forced that very image away under self-imposed barriers, only to have it screech back like a Fury, full of vengeance. It was still all he could do not to break right there.
"I had to tell you....I knew you would figure it out....I....I wanted to talk to someone...." As these words poured out of his mouth, he was only half-aware of them. Not that he could stop himself now... "I've never been so scared in my life, never...."
Wufei's grip tightened on him. "That...that...cowardly little...I could just..." she couldn't think of anything vile enough to pay for the fear he had caused Quatre.
His voice was muffled in her shirt. "Maybe....maybe it was....but he didn't go through with it...." Her anger was partly on his behalf. This realization cut through the darkness as little else could, that she cared about him so deeply... But he didn't want her to continue. Quatre had known what this news would do to her, and he hated seeing her in this state. It was almost as painful as seeing Heero in that tub, gun ready to do its grisly business.
"I took the gun away." he murmured. "He didn't try to get it back. He....let me.... Wufei, he said he had hurt Miss Relena, both of them... But he didn't! It was her choice!"
"Oh that fool man. Those fool men! Fighting over the Countesses." She squeezed he eyes shut. "Then it was my fault. But I was so frustrated with him at the time, and I didn't know it would lead to this."
Utter silence, then Quatre pulled away to stare at her, not angrily. "What? I don't understand...."
"I told the male Wufei about Heero and the Countess," she sighed. "I only mentioned it in passing and he asked me about it. I was venting. But perhaps I shouldn't have. I should not have been gossiping. It's dishonorable."
At this, Quatre's face took on an odd expression. Nothing quite clear, except that it wasn't a happy look, certainly. "Wufei argued with Heero about it. That's what...set him off...." But he wouldn't put any blame on her. If she shared any guilt, Quatre refused to see it. The whole thing was a misunderstanding....
"I didn't think he would actually confront him," groaned Wufei. "They argued? Fought?"
Quatre nodded, but took her face between his hands for a moment. "It wasn't your fault. Please don't blame yourself. He's...." Unable to continue without speaking what he really thought of her double, Quatre's head drooped. "He told Heero to stay away from Miss Relena...that he was hurting her." His jaw clenched angrily. " The one way he's been able to find a moment of comfort, and it had to be taken from him, too."
"Stay away from her?" Wufei asked. "Which one? Both? Why did he think he could tell Yuy anything?"
Quatre shook his head, but didn't look up. "Wufei was trying to keep the other Miss Relena safe...the one who isn't a pilot. But....he said that Heero was hurting them both very much, and it..." Both hands had already fallen back to her shoulders, but one pulled away to jerk across his moist eyes. "He didn't understand."
Wufei drew him in again, sliding her arms around him. "That couldn't have been the whole reason," she murmured.
His cheek ended up pressed against her neck, under her chin. He moaned, clutching her around her waist. "This place is killing him." It was killing all of them.... "If we don't get out, I don't know if I'll be able to stop him.....or anyone else...."
He wasn't able to cry much anymore, but she would feel a few tears, wet against her skin. "We can't lose them...."
"He's killing himself," she protested. "He won't allow himself to live, even while he's still breathing."
"How can he, when he's attacked at every turn?" Quatre protested. He might as well have been leveling these words at the male Wufei. Turning his face into her neck, as though to hide from the inevitable, he added, "I don't know what more I can do for him." Nothing he had done had been enough, and it just added to the deep feeling of helplessness.
"You can't fix everyone," Wufei said gently, soothingly. She calmed herself for Quatre's sake but inside she was still raging against the coward who had caused him so much pain. "He has to want to live. He has to choose to do it. And no one can make that choice for him."
"He has chosen to live...but is this living?" He hadn't meant to have things turn this way, but it was too late now. "He doesn't want to live here. And....maybe I'm a fool to try... But I know who I am, who my parents were, I know what I want." As he moved his head, his lips brushed her neck. "I have something worth living for."
"So does he, but he's afraid to. He's afraid to live," she sighed. "He's a coward." She didn't mean to say that out loud but she couldn't help herself, she was so angry at him.
Quatre forced himself to pull away from her again, just enough to look her in the eyes. His own were wet, but only one tear managed to roll down his cheek, unnoticed. Cupping his hands along her jaw, Quatre whispered. "I know you think he is.... He hurt you, too. You can't help caring about him."
His head tilted forward slightly, until it met with hers. Quatre's eyes closed. "If he was really a coward, he would have been dead long ago."
"I'm not sure I buy that argument, Quatre," she admitted. "I don't know what would make him live. It's not just a one time choice. Just because he said it once doesn't mean he is continuing to live by it. And of course I care about him," she shook her head. "Though right now I'm angrier at what he almost did to you, than what he almost did to himself."
This last touched him deeply. "Oh, Wufei....." People didn't always consider his feelings, and while he didn't usually mind it, sometimes it felt good to have someone notice. "You're so kind...." A few fingers reached up to stroke a lock of her dark hair behind her ear. "Maybe it did hurt....but it's just...I'm so worried about him. If you could find it in you to....to place some of that kindness in his favor...." Sea-green and pleading with her, his eyes held her gaze earnestly.
She met his gaze. "I'll try, but only for your sake," she replied quietly. "If it were up to me I'd make him wish he had finished the job."
This response drew an odd one of his own, half-fear at her even suggesting she would harm Heero, and half-joy, knowing her control had to do with himself. It was certainly a strange mixture. "Thank you...." he breathed, eyes closing in relief. "Wufei...I love him. Not...not the same way as I love you, but... He's my brother. I hate seeing what this place has done to him."
His brow furrowed a bit more. "I know he would be better anywhere else..."
"Wouldn't we all?" she asked, casting her gaze towards the damaged wall. "I thought he cared about you. He told me once how much you meant to him. But I guess those were just words," she sighed.
That caught the blond's attention. "He....did?" Biting his lip a bit, he looked down. "Any of you caring about me....I mean, if he said it, he must have meant it... He wouldn't ever say something like that unless he meant it." Unless he had been under a spell, but that seemed unlikely. "Do you really think he was lying?"
"I thought he meant it," she replied. "But his actions weren't very caring, were they?"
"He didn't go through with it." Quatre insisted. "He gave up on the idea when I came in. Maybe....maybe that's the action to look at." Though his tone had hardened, it was only with determination. "Whatever it was, I'm not going to give up on him."
She couldn't help but smile fondly. "You have such a good heart, Quatre," she murmured.
"If you think so," he smiled back, blushing a bit, "Then....it must be true." The wall, and his promise to fix it came back to his mind, bringing a slight frown. He didn't want to leave her arms, though, and....
"Wufei....there is something else. Maybe it's wrong of me to be thinking about this too, but...I am a little worried about it." Her comment about himself had been the reminder. Quatre pulled away a bit, just to give her more space. At the very least, it might be good to divert her attention from the subject of self-destructive Japanese pilots.
She was still smiling a bit. "Then let's talk about that. I'm tired of thinking about Yuy for the moment."
He wasn't exactly eased by this, but let it pass. An almost childishly penitent look came to his face then, but he took her hands, holding them gently in his own. "I...wanted to talk about what happened that week before...before all this." He bit his lip. "We both said and did things that...maybe we didn't mean." He had meant nearly all of it, except some very silly, corny things.
Wufei actually flushed a bit. "I was a bit of a giggly schoolgirl," she said, averting her gaze.
His hand caught her head by the cheek as it moved, drawing her gaze back to him. "I didn't mind it...honestly! I was kind of an idiot myself."
Her smile grew. "Were you? I didn't notice."
"You were very kind not to, then." he flushed. Then, turning an even deeper shade of crimson, confessed, "I....really liked it, anyway. I've never done that before, or felt something so strong...." Even though they had not even come close to 'going all the way', as Duo would have put it, Quatre's innocent mind couldn't help classifying it as dreadfully near. His eyes did look a bit frightened. "I wanted to apologize if, under whatever...spell we were under...I went too far."
"It was a spell," she said. "And though it might have been faster than we would have gone if there was no spell, it wasn't too far. I thought a lot about it," she admitted. "And I can't think of anything I said that I would want to take back."
"Neither can I." he said quickly, leaning in a bit. Another look of consciousness followed this. "I...thought a lot about it, too. A LOT." More than he should have, probably. "I think about you a lot, too. But, most of the time, it makes me think more clearly. I don't know why..." His eyes strayed to her neck, then back to her eyes. It was difficult not to want to start kissing her right off the bat. But he didn't want to get too physical about it, either. he could just as well sit and talk, running his thumbs along the backs of her hands. They were very smooth...
Wufei watched him, then chuckled quietly. She would never have guessed a year ago that this would happen. "Why indeed," she laughed. "I suppose we should work on the wall," she admitted after a moment.
Quatre did seem slightly disappointed, but his hands slid from hers. "I guess so..." One rubbed the back of his neck idly. "I don't want you to be cold." Well, she was near him, and though his body might have desires, being this close was enough for the moment. He smiled a bit and moved back to the floor. "If you could hold the patch in place, so I could fasten it to the wall?"
He had reached down and picked up a square piece of metal, covered on one side with plaster. This he then placed inside the hole, looking back at her with his brow wrinkled in question.
Wufei followed and reached up to hold it in place. "Once this is done," she promised. "I'll make us some tea."
As she leaned near him, he placed a brief kiss on her cheek. "You're such a kind person, Wufei...." Probably a bit much over the promise of tea, but it was the whole thing, really. She had promised not to move against Heero in vengeance, and that was more than reason enough.
"If I am, it's from your good influence," she admitted with a smile.
"No, you had it there already. But...thanks for the vote of confidence." Chuckling at this, Quatre moved in to attach the new piece to the wall.