[Thread] Where did my bakery go?

[ned_piemaker]

Characters: Ned (OU); OPEN to all.
Where: Near the fountain.
When: Noon, seconds after his arrival.
Summary: The Piemaker does not like surprises - particularly not ones involving teleportation.
Warnings: None.

Comments

[lady_bounty]

Faye walked quickly from the park back towards the plaza and the more densely populated sections of Neocontra. She had ventured into the outskirts of the trees to find a piece of wood suitable for carving into a crude stake; it was full daylight and she was armed with a kitchen knife, but she couldn't help being nervous. It would take some time for her to acquire a gun, and until she did, she would feel edgy, especially when venturing alone into the park.

She strode into the sun-lit plaza with a feeling of relief, though her heart still beat more rapidly than she would like to admit. Scowling to herself, she tucked her stake-to-be under her arm and dug for her cigarettes and lighter. Shit. Almost out again, she thought irritably. She lit one, inhaling deeply and exhaling with a sigh. Taking another drag, she glanced around idly

[ned_piemaker]

The Piemaker had been looking down at his shoes, head clutched between the oven mitts, breathing deeply to make the nausea go away. As a result, he did not immediately see any higher than Faye's ankles. His voice shook as he answered, "...pies?"

When Ned looked up at her his eyebrows rocketed towards his hairline and he choked on thin air, coughing and going rather red around the cheeks. He averted his eyes immediately to something a little less scandalous and shuffled his feet. That had been unexpected. He gestured absently to the cherry pie sitting next to him on the fountain, half-concealed behind his shaking knees.

The Piemaker considered how diligently his subconscious was working to invent new and ever-more perplexing dreams.

"Wh-" he began, very unsure whether or not it was wise to make it obvious how lost he was, unaware that it was already quite obvious. "What, uh-"

But he could not seem to find the words.

[lady_bounty]

Now that was just about the funniest thing Faye had seen in a long time~. She grinned wolfishly and slinked forward a few steps, advancing on the piemaker. She could now very clearly see- and smell- the pie. Her mouth watered and her eyes lit up. "Ooooh, that looks delicious~! Hope you don't mind if I have some~." It didn't really matter what he answered. Faye intended to help herself.

She grinned more widely as he stuttered. "Hmmmm~? What's that~?" she purred.

[ned_piemaker]

The Piemaker did not like the direction this particular dream was taking. Thinking that, since it was indeed the inside of his own mind, no harm could come of it, he decided to try honesty.

"Where... am I?"

As for the pie, he could hardly eat it himself. It struck him as unusual that a woman would ask a strange man if she could eat some of his pie. Ned gestured towards it with his mitt-covered hand rather awkwardly, wondering how she intended to eat it without any utensils or a plate.

[lady_bounty]

Faye tsked at his question. "Oh my. A new guy. I should've guessed. I'm sorry, hon. This is Neocontra, and you're not in Kansas anymore~."

"Hey, thanks~!" she said, thinking, Free pie~! Pocketing her pre-stake in the gray men's jacket she wore unbuttoned over her usual gold outfit which her mun forgot to mention earlier that she was wearing -_-;;, she stalked closer and sat on the edge of the fountain on the other side of the pie, making a show of crossing her long legs. She eyed the pie hungrily, then had the same thought that the Piemaker had had... how was she going to eat it?

"Hmmmm," she said, taking a drag on her cigarette while she pondered her options. She didn't really want to invite him back to her room just for the sake of a plate and fork.... "What kind of pie is it?" she wondered idly.

[ned_piemaker]

"Neowhat?" Ned asked faintly, sounding rather out of breath. He was not sure where the fear constricting his chest was coming from - it was all a dream, wasn't it? It had to be.

But the Piemaker had learned young that, if it seemed too bizarre and unfortunate to be true, it invariably was. Suppressing a shiver, Ned tucked his mitt-covered hands under his legs, looking around him at the strange place. He closed his eyes and willed himself to wake up. He longed for that empty apartment that had plagued his thoughts so much recently.

It was perhaps half a minute before the Piemaker realized the woman had spoken to him. He turned to her looking helpless and wide-eyed with fear. "What?"

[lady_bounty]

"Neocontra, Econtra Mark 2... I'm sorry to inform you that you've been kidnapped from your home universe to fight in an alien civil war... those are the aliens," she pointed up, "and this is your new home, until they decide to send you back where you came from. ...Hmmm," she commented, eyeing him and raising an eyebrow, "You don't look much like a fighter."

Faye glanced up from pondering the pie. "I said, 'What kind of-' oh, never mind, I'll find out for myself." Coming to a decision, she pulled her kitchen knife out of her jacket pocket, twirled it once, idly, then cut a slice into the surface of the pie. "Oooooh, cherry~!" she exclaimed, sounding delighted. She glanced up at the Piemaker again. The poor thing looked terrified. She almost felt sorry for him. "Don't worry, I'm not going to eat you~," she told him.

[ned_piemaker]

"Oh" was about all the Piemaker could say to that at first.

At the word 'fighting' Ned jumped a little, frowning and shuffling his feet uncomfortably looking up at the ...aliens, were they? He couldn't believe it. "No, not a fighter. Definitely not a fighting kind of guy. I just make pies." It wasn't a lie, exactly. Just an omission.

As to the comment about eating him, he looked at her with even wider eyes - he hadn't realized that was an option! "Thank you?" he said, unsure but attempting a smile.

[lady_bounty]

Faye shook her head, tsking in irritation. "I wish I knew why they bother bringing people like you here. Or me, for that matter." She gave him a serious look. "You're gonna wanna watch your back. Not everyone here is friendly." She fought down an urge to call him 'kid', since he was very obviously a few years older than her. ...Well. Sort of.

She raised her eyebrows incredulously when he only looked more terrified. My God! The man's pathetic! she thought. "I was kidding! Just what do you think I am?" She couldn't decide whether to be amused or insulted at his reaction.

Giving him a look that clearly stated she thought something was wrong with him, she finished cutting out a slice of pie, then dug out the slice and flipped it sideways onto the knife, using the broad face of the knife itself as a plate. She'd managed to avoid making a complete mess of it. Grinning triumphantly, she tried to pick up one of the cherries. "Ow! Ow! Hot!" she hissed. Gingerly, she used her fingernails to flick the cherry away from the

[ned_piemaker]

Ned looked a little mollified at Faye's question. Of course, he thought it was a little unreasonable, her being upset. For all he knew she was a raving cannibal in addition to being a raving lunatic. Aliens? They couldn't be-

But the Piemaker played along with her game, shaking his head with his lips pursed in a look of deliberate and transparently-false ignorance, "I don't know. I'm just a normal, normal guy." His eye twitched. "No reason to bring me here at all."

He was used to getting weird looks, but he still couldn't help thinking that there was suspicion in her gaze. Knowing how bad of a liar he was, he laughed nervously, only managing to make himself look more suspicious. When she went to touch it he lifted his hands in warning a fraction of a second too late.

"Wait, it's-" he said in a rush, wincing as she burned her finger, "Hot. Sorry."

[lady_bounty]

Faye raised an eyebrow and stared at Ned as he twitched and laughed. If she'd thought about it overly much, she probably would've realized he was lying. As it was, she assumed it was just more of him being weird, and responded with a succinct, "...Right."

Faye gracefully accepted his apology by pouting. "You could've warned me!" she whined. She cautiously prodded the lone cherry with a finger, testing its temperature, before picking it up and eating it. "...Mmmmmmmmm~... delicious~!" she purred, licking her fingers. She eyed the pie, wondering how to eat more of it faster without burning herself.

[ned_piemaker]

The Piemaker wasn't really sure what to say to that. He had tried to warn her, it was hardly his fault! He didn't want to argue, though. The Piemaker rarely wanted to argue. Instead he let out a long breath and looked up again at those alien ... things in the sky. He was having a hard time keeping his eyes off them, and he kept glancing back every few seconds, like a nervous twitch.

"So uh. I've been kidnapped. To fight in an alien war." He asked these things just as though for confirmation. "...How?"

[lady_bounty]

Faye broke off a piece of the crust and nibbled on it. "I dunno exactly, they've got this thing that can reach into other worlds and teleport people here," she said conversationally, waving her crust piece idly as she spoke. She popped the rest of it into her mouth.

[ned_piemaker]

"And how ... do I get back?"

It was the question that had been growing on the Piemaker's mind the most as he glanced up at those foreboding shapes in the sky. It had been a misunderstanding, him being pulled into this place. He could hardly be expected to contribute to a war in any way. Not unless they were fighting aliens whose only weakness was baked goods.

No, he had to get home. He had to get home to Chuck.

[lady_bounty]

Faye stubbed out the cigarette she was no longer smoking and set it aside to be smoked later (waste not want not!). She glanced up at the piemaker, actually looking kind of serious. "You get back the same way you got here... whenever they feel like sending you. You might be here a while. Some people have been here over a year. ...Sorry."

Faye fidgeted briefly, then broke off another piece of pie crust, using it to poke through her slice of pie, separating the cherries out for faster cooling.

[ned_piemaker]

The color rushed out of the Piemaker's face, a look of awful disbelief coming over him. How long would it be, he wondered, until someone noticed he was missing? What would happen to Chuck while he was gone? Who would be there to take care of her, to help Emerson with his investigations, to look after Digby?

"Chuck..." Ned whispered in horror under his breath, unaware that he had said it aloud.