This house is falling apart.
Managed to have 2 panic attacks yesterday all revolving around my house. I hadn't realized this was happening until David pointed it out. The first started because I had gone to the gynecologist and one of the questions they ask is, "Do you feel safe in your home?" I had to respond with "NO". Then I had to explain this statement. It made me so ill that I broke down crying, called David in a panic, and basically freaked out in the doctor's office.
The second happened as I left my friend's house from dinner. She lives in a house in the heights in a very nice area of town. Her and her husband have renovated their backyard and it is just so beautiful. On the way home, David and I were talking about what we could do to fix our property and it sent me in a panic causing tears as we neared the house.
I take 0 pride in this house. Being here feels like prison. I am so embarrassed of the area of town that I live in. I live next door to someone who is a convicted felon of violent crimes. He has displayed violence towards my husband, myself, and my dogs. We have had to call the cops on him twice.
I can't stand being here so I basically try not to be here as often as possible. I go out of town a lot. I go spend the night at my bff's house on the weekends I am in town. This is taking a toll on my marriage. I am so uncomfortable here I have quit having sex all together as my bedroom sits right next to this neighbor. I don't know how to get out of this place. I cry and beg my husband to move us out of this. We will only be able to sell the house at a loss, and we have no savings for a down payment on a new house.
I seriously do not recommend to anyone to buy a house in your 20s unless you have some rockin career where you make so much money that you can get a nice house. I have a fucking dump in the shittiest area of town. I have to drive my son clear across town to go to a decent school. My son has no friends that are close to him. He doesn't play with the neighborhood kids because I dont' feel like he is safe to do so. I cry weekly over this. I need to get out and just don't know how. I am tempted to move out with my son to an apartment which would cause David and I to separate. That scares me but I feel like I can no longer live like this.
And what am I doing tomorrow? Going horseback riding and spending the night at Rebecca's house. This will be the second time this week. And why am I typing this? Because I woke up in a 3rd panic attack thinking about this house. I thought it might help to write it all out and all it is doing is bringing me to tears.
The second happened as I left my friend's house from dinner. She lives in a house in the heights in a very nice area of town. Her and her husband have renovated their backyard and it is just so beautiful. On the way home, David and I were talking about what we could do to fix our property and it sent me in a panic causing tears as we neared the house.
I take 0 pride in this house. Being here feels like prison. I am so embarrassed of the area of town that I live in. I live next door to someone who is a convicted felon of violent crimes. He has displayed violence towards my husband, myself, and my dogs. We have had to call the cops on him twice.
I can't stand being here so I basically try not to be here as often as possible. I go out of town a lot. I go spend the night at my bff's house on the weekends I am in town. This is taking a toll on my marriage. I am so uncomfortable here I have quit having sex all together as my bedroom sits right next to this neighbor. I don't know how to get out of this place. I cry and beg my husband to move us out of this. We will only be able to sell the house at a loss, and we have no savings for a down payment on a new house.
I seriously do not recommend to anyone to buy a house in your 20s unless you have some rockin career where you make so much money that you can get a nice house. I have a fucking dump in the shittiest area of town. I have to drive my son clear across town to go to a decent school. My son has no friends that are close to him. He doesn't play with the neighborhood kids because I dont' feel like he is safe to do so. I cry weekly over this. I need to get out and just don't know how. I am tempted to move out with my son to an apartment which would cause David and I to separate. That scares me but I feel like I can no longer live like this.
And what am I doing tomorrow? Going horseback riding and spending the night at Rebecca's house. This will be the second time this week. And why am I typing this? Because I woke up in a 3rd panic attack thinking about this house. I thought it might help to write it all out and all it is doing is bringing me to tears.