Comments | eclypsia: A little piece.

eclypsia

A little piece.

Dec 07, 2009 20:49

So now Facebook has taken me aback.

One of my half sisters has friend requested me. I don't know how to feel about this. The whole situation is so awkward.

( I'm thinking this will need a cut )

family

Comments 19

wyrdling December 8 2009, 04:43:08 UTC

sometimes the only way out is through.
awkwardness (of many types) are often such situations.
some questions to consider- do you want to know who these women are? what does family mean to you?
and, on a different level, what kind of family do you want your son to have?

i mean, i have where i'd stand in a similar situation, but i'm not where you're standing so i don't know what it looks like, really. but she is reaching out to you?

eclypsia December 8 2009, 05:29:37 UTC

See my response to netan9el. I think it helps explain a bit of why I feel this is so awkward. I was a bit word vomitty (yes, I make up my own words!) in this post. Partially because I was surprised and a bit upset by the feelings that all of this brings up.

jarmon December 8 2009, 04:54:06 UTC

You know hon, I also have two half sisters I've never met. One older, one younger.

eclypsia December 8 2009, 05:28:07 UTC

Why are families so weird? Ugh. Do you have a desire to meet them, out of curiosity?

jarmon December 8 2009, 23:45:21 UTC

I do and I don't. My father is a total write off in my life. I figure I'll wait until after he's dead and try to meet them.

eclypsia December 9 2009, 03:51:18 UTC

Sadly, I sort of felt that I would meet them at my father's funeral.

*sigh* I hate to sounds so negative.

pandora_blue December 8 2009, 05:06:18 UTC

My mom sort of has the same situation with two half brothers. They were acknowledged, at least, but for many reasons, she never met them. I'm sorry this is awkward. *hugs*

netan9el December 8 2009, 05:18:28 UTC

I'm not sure what I would do in your position. I think I would at least make an attempt and see where it went. But that's easy for me to say not in that situation. I'd imagine it would be very awkward.

Perhaps you could just say to them that you sadly don't know much about them and would like to learn more. You don't need to say it's because they were never mentioned.

eclypsia December 8 2009, 05:27:18 UTC

I think part of the problem is that I don't feel like a facebook friend request is the correct avenue for such a thing. I sort of feel that while facebook is a place to easily connect she could have at the very least sent me a message. I kind of feel awkward just accepting her friend request and opening her up into my life out of no where like that. I don't know. Then again, I guess that there are people who follow me on facebook that I don't know all too well. But I guess I don't have some weird awkward anti-history with those people. I think I should probably send her a message, but it feels awkward today to do so. I think I am going to sit on it for a week or two.

wyrdling December 8 2009, 05:49:44 UTC

ok, yeah, facebook could be kind of weird for reconnecting with family that you've never connected to significantly... but i've had people i've had awkward interactions with hunt me up and send friend requests through there and it's been kind of a neutral way to slowly reengage... but there was already a connection there.

family is so complicated...

sitting on it sounds like a good idea... time to let the initial response (shock? confusion?) fade and see what else it turns up... get a better idea how you feel?

jkrissw December 8 2009, 13:51:31 UTC

Why don't you send her a message and restart the communication that way. Say what you've said here. It seems apparent that they don't realize how your dad kept them a secret from you any more than your grandma did.

Thread 6

ohno_jonathan_o December 8 2009, 16:25:08 UTC

I know your emotions. My Dad would constantly promise to come visit for Christmas/My birthday and then a month out he'd say he couldn't make it. He'd always answer the phone by saying "Hey Kiddo". He once called me my stepbrothers name "Robbie" or so I thought. So I suspected. Finally when after Darby was born I caught him using a plural for him having kids. He confessed I had a 2 year younger half brother named Donnie out in the world. They kept in contact and apparently Donnie knew about me for years, I found out when I was 30. I'd be interested in meeting him(I really don't have much family) but the ackwardness has kept me from it. That and he hasn't looked me up. Apparently he's a success - going Ivy league. But yeah. *Hugs*

eclypsia December 8 2009, 18:19:14 UTC

Its so interesting to me to hear that other people have these circumstances. It seems so odd to me that parents could keep this information from their children for so long. And why they would want to. I mean possibly, in my dad's case it makes him look like a shitty father. And I think he was in regard to his first two children. To me and my sister he was a fantastic father. Which I also thinks makes this relationship awkward. Although I am fairly certain that both of my half sisters were grown by the time I was born, so maybe its not the situation I think it is. I mean, because honestly, I don't see or speak to my dad very often now that I am grown myself.

*hugs* back to you too.