Teh Jaw Saga Continues
On Monday I made another trip to the jaw doctor. We got there *just* on time (parking was a nightmare) and had to wait about 20 or 25 minutes to be seen. This is better than last time and probably close to comparable to a waiting room, er, wait, in America. Which is a bit unexpected because I always thought that although you have to wait months got *get* an appointment over here that you weren't supposed to wait too long on the day. Ah well, as I said, it is what I would have expected in America anyway.
I was brought back by a student doctor (Dave called him a child doctor and it made me giggle). His name was David and gosh golly he needs to work on his bedside manner. He was very precise though and probably about as nervous as I was so it was okayish. One of the first things he said was about an MRI (Whaaaaa?) which is apparently what the radiologist recommended when he had a look at my x-ray. But then he must have read more of my little file and was all "Oh, you haven't had a splint I suppose we should do that first" which is okay by me because teh MRIs? Not so fun. I suppose there are waaaaaay worse tests but the big magnet and the fillings give me nightmares. I do not kid.
Anyway then he was all "HAVE YOU BEEN DOING YOUR JAW EXERCISES?" And I was all "NO MY TONGUE DOESN'T MOVE THAT WAY" (Just like that, obviously we were screaming at each other) I don't know why but this would-be doctor guy kind of annoyed me. Also, I *do not* want to see your hairy chest sticking out of your scrubs. Undershirt or wax, I don't mind, but keep it out of my eyes!
So anyway I was all "Yeah, as it turns out your jaw exercises--not the best for those of us who are tongue tied." (The exercises involve opening and closing your mouth with the tip of your tongue touching the back of the roof of your mouth. I can't reach the back of the roof of my mouth with my lips firmly sealed)
So then he poked at my jaw for a while and went to get the teacher doctor lady and she had a poke around my mouth and asked about our puppy, which I thought was pretty impressive. She also remembered that I was from New York. I wish that she was just a normal dentist because she is fantabulous and she could clean my teeth any day. Ugh. I hate dentists. Blergh.
They decided that I can have a jaw splint. Joy. I do not like getting casts of my teeth. Do. Not. Like. I have an irrational fear that when they pull it out they are going to get teeth or fillings or something along with the plaster. I know, I am nuts. It is completely illogical. Anyway the nab doctor kid (who was probably just doing things by-the-book, but come on--ENGAGE YOUR BRAIN) started trying to figure out which size tray thingy to stick in my mouth and started with a medium. Um, hello? Would you ever guess any part of my body was medium sized? Yeah, me neither. And since I am there because, you know, it hurts to open my mouth, I was slightly less than impressed when he managed to jam it in and then goes "Hmm, I think we should try the small". YOU DON'T SAY!?
Once they figured out what size I needed the nurse lady filled it up with some pinkish stuff which I was later informed was made of seaweed. It smelled like paint remover, and they stuffed a tray of it in my mouth. This is not the plaster that I was expecting--granted, I haven't had a cast made in like 9 years. I would tell you what it tasted like (I imagine it would be rather similar to the smell) but OH MY GOD MY TONGUE CAUGHT ON FIRE. I had asked before they started how long it would take which I am glad that I did because knowing it would only be sixty seconds made it bearable and I did not rip it out of my mouth. Instead I sat there and my eyes welled up and I tried to think about ice cream. Like halfway through the child-dentist told me that it would be easier for him if I stuck my tongue forward. At this point, had I not had a tray full of burning goop in my mouth I would have calmly explained that "Dude, that tongue is still tied," but as I couldn't talk I basically just ignored him because it didn't go any farther forward.
When my minute was up they pulled the plaster out and laughed and said that there were no teeth because I had mentioned my irrational fear but by that point I didn't care how many teeth came out as long as you put the fire out on my god-forsaken tongue. So I mentioned that my tongue was burning and the nurse was all "Oh, is it tingly?" And I was all "No, biotch, it is BURNING. Hot? You know?" At which point she stated that gee wilikers, I may have had an allergic reaction. You don't say. I never would have guessed.
They then gave me--get this--a cardboard bowl with a wad of paper towel to spit in. Now, I knew the NHS was underfunded but still. There was also a pink liquid with which I could rinse so I rinsed with as little liquid as possible because I was pretty darn sure that anything I spit into that bowl was going straight through and onto my lap. Besides, I was trying to give my poor little tongue some air.
The teacher-dentist/doctor lady checked their handiwork and it was okay, which is good with me because there was no way in heck they were putting any more of that crap in my mouth. The nurse was going over all the things that the doctor had said about 5 minutes ago about washing it and storing it dry (which I hadn't expected, I thought it was going to go back to storing in denture cleaner. How I miss my retainers :P) but then she got called out to the hall for something or another and the boy doctor told me that I should make an appointment for 3 months from now and that I would receive my jaw splint In. The. Post. I think I looked at him with a very "What the flipping heck is wrong with this country?" kind of look but then my husband shooed me out of the room and we made an appointment for May 17th and I am waiting with bated breath for my lovely new splint.
Which had better work because I'll be darned if I'm getting in their jury-rigged we-have-no-budget MRI machine.
I was brought back by a student doctor (Dave called him a child doctor and it made me giggle). His name was David and gosh golly he needs to work on his bedside manner. He was very precise though and probably about as nervous as I was so it was okayish. One of the first things he said was about an MRI (Whaaaaa?) which is apparently what the radiologist recommended when he had a look at my x-ray. But then he must have read more of my little file and was all "Oh, you haven't had a splint I suppose we should do that first" which is okay by me because teh MRIs? Not so fun. I suppose there are waaaaaay worse tests but the big magnet and the fillings give me nightmares. I do not kid.
Anyway then he was all "HAVE YOU BEEN DOING YOUR JAW EXERCISES?" And I was all "NO MY TONGUE DOESN'T MOVE THAT WAY" (Just like that, obviously we were screaming at each other) I don't know why but this would-be doctor guy kind of annoyed me. Also, I *do not* want to see your hairy chest sticking out of your scrubs. Undershirt or wax, I don't mind, but keep it out of my eyes!
So anyway I was all "Yeah, as it turns out your jaw exercises--not the best for those of us who are tongue tied." (The exercises involve opening and closing your mouth with the tip of your tongue touching the back of the roof of your mouth. I can't reach the back of the roof of my mouth with my lips firmly sealed)
So then he poked at my jaw for a while and went to get the teacher doctor lady and she had a poke around my mouth and asked about our puppy, which I thought was pretty impressive. She also remembered that I was from New York. I wish that she was just a normal dentist because she is fantabulous and she could clean my teeth any day. Ugh. I hate dentists. Blergh.
They decided that I can have a jaw splint. Joy. I do not like getting casts of my teeth. Do. Not. Like. I have an irrational fear that when they pull it out they are going to get teeth or fillings or something along with the plaster. I know, I am nuts. It is completely illogical. Anyway the nab doctor kid (who was probably just doing things by-the-book, but come on--ENGAGE YOUR BRAIN) started trying to figure out which size tray thingy to stick in my mouth and started with a medium. Um, hello? Would you ever guess any part of my body was medium sized? Yeah, me neither. And since I am there because, you know, it hurts to open my mouth, I was slightly less than impressed when he managed to jam it in and then goes "Hmm, I think we should try the small". YOU DON'T SAY!?
Once they figured out what size I needed the nurse lady filled it up with some pinkish stuff which I was later informed was made of seaweed. It smelled like paint remover, and they stuffed a tray of it in my mouth. This is not the plaster that I was expecting--granted, I haven't had a cast made in like 9 years. I would tell you what it tasted like (I imagine it would be rather similar to the smell) but OH MY GOD MY TONGUE CAUGHT ON FIRE. I had asked before they started how long it would take which I am glad that I did because knowing it would only be sixty seconds made it bearable and I did not rip it out of my mouth. Instead I sat there and my eyes welled up and I tried to think about ice cream. Like halfway through the child-dentist told me that it would be easier for him if I stuck my tongue forward. At this point, had I not had a tray full of burning goop in my mouth I would have calmly explained that "Dude, that tongue is still tied," but as I couldn't talk I basically just ignored him because it didn't go any farther forward.
When my minute was up they pulled the plaster out and laughed and said that there were no teeth because I had mentioned my irrational fear but by that point I didn't care how many teeth came out as long as you put the fire out on my god-forsaken tongue. So I mentioned that my tongue was burning and the nurse was all "Oh, is it tingly?" And I was all "No, biotch, it is BURNING. Hot? You know?" At which point she stated that gee wilikers, I may have had an allergic reaction. You don't say. I never would have guessed.
They then gave me--get this--a cardboard bowl with a wad of paper towel to spit in. Now, I knew the NHS was underfunded but still. There was also a pink liquid with which I could rinse so I rinsed with as little liquid as possible because I was pretty darn sure that anything I spit into that bowl was going straight through and onto my lap. Besides, I was trying to give my poor little tongue some air.
The teacher-dentist/doctor lady checked their handiwork and it was okay, which is good with me because there was no way in heck they were putting any more of that crap in my mouth. The nurse was going over all the things that the doctor had said about 5 minutes ago about washing it and storing it dry (which I hadn't expected, I thought it was going to go back to storing in denture cleaner. How I miss my retainers :P) but then she got called out to the hall for something or another and the boy doctor told me that I should make an appointment for 3 months from now and that I would receive my jaw splint In. The. Post. I think I looked at him with a very "What the flipping heck is wrong with this country?" kind of look but then my husband shooed me out of the room and we made an appointment for May 17th and I am waiting with bated breath for my lovely new splint.
Which had better work because I'll be darned if I'm getting in their jury-rigged we-have-no-budget MRI machine.