I'll restore you. Want to save the game? (y/n)
Yay, I am somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean! And unable to sleep on a plane, despite having the wonderful luxury of a couple of empty seats next to me to sprawl out on, so I am journalling.
Every time I make this trip, it somehow seems to deconstruct a bit of the detritus that built up around my mental processes during the Infamous Asuka Funk. I'm also glad to be going home to my dragon, though; we have things of our own to explore.
Thought: People are complex. I know this seems like such an obvious, redundant statement, but when you actually realise what that means -- and I think it's a difficult thing to hold in mind for anything other than short, intermittent intervals -- it's really quite profound. As much as we all claim not to judge others superficially, to see all their complexity, it's almost necessary for our ability to interact with others at all that we classify them based on a small set of observances. She's bossy, he's friendly, they're cynical. Even the people we claim to know well are often just a series of rather shallow understandings; she tends to be open and genial to most people but dislikes dishonesty, likes pasta and dragons and the colour blue, is politically left-leaning, is discomfited by crowds and large open spaces, tends to withdraw when stressed and not like to be disturbed. But when you actually sit down and realise that all of the myriad complex thoughts that flit through your own brain, all the changes of heart you have and all the conflicts that compete for time in your thoughts, all the five-minute joys you experience that you never share with anyone, all the anxious moments and eureka-moments and songs that make you go ooooh and the really strange things you think of when you're half-asleep, all the dreams about being naked in public places and not being prepared for exams, the little frissons of pleasantness you feel when you eat something you really like the taste of -- all of those billions of tiny fluctuations in your mind that make you a person no one else could ever understand in anything but the most limited and simplistic of ways -- when you realise that everyone is like that, even the people you really loathe or find distasteful and who you secretly like to dream have not a kind or thoughtful bone in their body... it's kind of mindblowing. Spend a moment thinking about how impossibly complex your worst enemy is, how many tiny, stupid, beautiful thoughts cross their mind every moment, and there might yet be fewer wars.
When I was a child, I spoke in tongues. One night when I was around eight or so, me and a friend of mine (who, incidentally, shared the same name as me) danced around my mother's rock garden, playing at being creatures of our own complex fictional worlds that we'd explore with one another, babbling out whatever incomprehensible syllables first came to our lips then translating what we'd just said for each other It's one of my favourite childhood memories, even though it's not one I actually recall that often. It really does strike me as having been not that different from what happens when religious devotees speak in tongues; no disrespect meant to anyone who considers such words to be literal messages from the gods, but personally I've always seen and felt it as a desire to express and effuse, without saying any particular words in particular, and feeling driven to chant whatever syllables spring to mind and feel aesthetic in the moment. I feel I could do it now if I wanted, without too much trouble, and it wouldn't feel particularly "forced"; it'd just be me intoning whatever first came to my lips. But while I don't consider it a particularly deep or spiritual thing, the thought that I first did it in service of fiction makes me smile. Story is, in so very many ways, my religion.
My iPod is full of music (including spiffy Suikoden arrangements, and the music I put on it before I left that mysteriously reappeared after Mathiu poked it), I have packages waiting for me and a dragon to share them with, and the stewardess is serving me a nice cold glass of water. Right now, life is just pretty darn good. Even if when I get home, I'm probably just going to post this and then fall asleep. XP
Oh, and because I'm bored and sleep-deprivedishly hyper, I actually thought this was a good idea. To the tune of "I'm a Vampire" by Future Bible Heroes:
I never age and I'll never die
Unlike all the stars in the sky
I'll be on forever, and why?
'Cause I've a True Rune
Oh dear, for its victims I'm shedding tears
It is neither sweet nor sincere
And right now I just need a beer
'Cause I've a True Rune
The sun will never touch me, it abhors my cursed sight
The general population fears me more than Luca Blight (oops, wrong game)
But if I recruit the stars and don't forget to save
I'll make sure to revive you from beyond your grave
I can send my foes to hell, and I have deadly fingertips
Not a soul will stand their ground if "Black Shadow" should pass my lips
I have liberated nations, spoke with harlots*, spoke with queens
I'll survive for seven hundred years, and I'll still look seventeen
I never age and I'll never die
Unlike all the stars in the sky
I'll be on forever, and why?
'Cause I've a True Rune
Hun, once I move you really should run
This thing on my hand isn't done
And it kills your kind just for fun
'Cause it's a True Rune
(repeat chorus...)
Damn, I am what I am what I am
But I feel it's all been a scam
And I'd be happy as a clam
Without this True Rune....
*not a dig at Jeane, honest. ...okay, I'm lying. XP
Every time I make this trip, it somehow seems to deconstruct a bit of the detritus that built up around my mental processes during the Infamous Asuka Funk. I'm also glad to be going home to my dragon, though; we have things of our own to explore.
Thought: People are complex. I know this seems like such an obvious, redundant statement, but when you actually realise what that means -- and I think it's a difficult thing to hold in mind for anything other than short, intermittent intervals -- it's really quite profound. As much as we all claim not to judge others superficially, to see all their complexity, it's almost necessary for our ability to interact with others at all that we classify them based on a small set of observances. She's bossy, he's friendly, they're cynical. Even the people we claim to know well are often just a series of rather shallow understandings; she tends to be open and genial to most people but dislikes dishonesty, likes pasta and dragons and the colour blue, is politically left-leaning, is discomfited by crowds and large open spaces, tends to withdraw when stressed and not like to be disturbed. But when you actually sit down and realise that all of the myriad complex thoughts that flit through your own brain, all the changes of heart you have and all the conflicts that compete for time in your thoughts, all the five-minute joys you experience that you never share with anyone, all the anxious moments and eureka-moments and songs that make you go ooooh and the really strange things you think of when you're half-asleep, all the dreams about being naked in public places and not being prepared for exams, the little frissons of pleasantness you feel when you eat something you really like the taste of -- all of those billions of tiny fluctuations in your mind that make you a person no one else could ever understand in anything but the most limited and simplistic of ways -- when you realise that everyone is like that, even the people you really loathe or find distasteful and who you secretly like to dream have not a kind or thoughtful bone in their body... it's kind of mindblowing. Spend a moment thinking about how impossibly complex your worst enemy is, how many tiny, stupid, beautiful thoughts cross their mind every moment, and there might yet be fewer wars.
When I was a child, I spoke in tongues. One night when I was around eight or so, me and a friend of mine (who, incidentally, shared the same name as me) danced around my mother's rock garden, playing at being creatures of our own complex fictional worlds that we'd explore with one another, babbling out whatever incomprehensible syllables first came to our lips then translating what we'd just said for each other It's one of my favourite childhood memories, even though it's not one I actually recall that often. It really does strike me as having been not that different from what happens when religious devotees speak in tongues; no disrespect meant to anyone who considers such words to be literal messages from the gods, but personally I've always seen and felt it as a desire to express and effuse, without saying any particular words in particular, and feeling driven to chant whatever syllables spring to mind and feel aesthetic in the moment. I feel I could do it now if I wanted, without too much trouble, and it wouldn't feel particularly "forced"; it'd just be me intoning whatever first came to my lips. But while I don't consider it a particularly deep or spiritual thing, the thought that I first did it in service of fiction makes me smile. Story is, in so very many ways, my religion.
My iPod is full of music (including spiffy Suikoden arrangements, and the music I put on it before I left that mysteriously reappeared after Mathiu poked it), I have packages waiting for me and a dragon to share them with, and the stewardess is serving me a nice cold glass of water. Right now, life is just pretty darn good. Even if when I get home, I'm probably just going to post this and then fall asleep. XP
Oh, and because I'm bored and sleep-deprivedishly hyper, I actually thought this was a good idea. To the tune of "I'm a Vampire" by Future Bible Heroes:
I never age and I'll never die
Unlike all the stars in the sky
I'll be on forever, and why?
'Cause I've a True Rune
Oh dear, for its victims I'm shedding tears
It is neither sweet nor sincere
And right now I just need a beer
'Cause I've a True Rune
The sun will never touch me, it abhors my cursed sight
The general population fears me more than Luca Blight (oops, wrong game)
But if I recruit the stars and don't forget to save
I'll make sure to revive you from beyond your grave
I can send my foes to hell, and I have deadly fingertips
Not a soul will stand their ground if "Black Shadow" should pass my lips
I have liberated nations, spoke with harlots*, spoke with queens
I'll survive for seven hundred years, and I'll still look seventeen
I never age and I'll never die
Unlike all the stars in the sky
I'll be on forever, and why?
'Cause I've a True Rune
Hun, once I move you really should run
This thing on my hand isn't done
And it kills your kind just for fun
'Cause it's a True Rune
(repeat chorus...)
Damn, I am what I am what I am
But I feel it's all been a scam
And I'd be happy as a clam
Without this True Rune....
*not a dig at Jeane, honest. ...okay, I'm lying. XP