This is how I call off of work:

[eclecticduck]

I'm sure you're familiar with that hellish harpy fury of a headache accompanied by such a nausea that threatens to reallocate the contents of one's stomach. I have one on those headaches, and it has just reallocated the contents of my stomach. I fear that I am somewhat ill, tonight. If I make it into work tomorrow, it will be on account of nothing less than a serendipitous remission of whatever or due to some divine intervention on behalf of my health. So, since the Gods of Luck or otherwise do not favor this poor sap, please do not expect me.

James