bugger it
I am in Nepal at the moment with Aunt Matilda. A llama has eaten my Hogwarts letter, so I bloody well hope this is what I was supposed to get. Before anyone asks how I managed to pick up a journal in Nepal: Aunt Matilda insisted on stopping in Wizarding Kathmandu to pick it up, as she found the idea quite "charming, if a bit off." She then went on
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(This is Parvati Patil, by the way.)
If you'd like, I can tell you of numerous NON BORING things you could do or see there.
Parvati
PS: You sound to be enjoying Napal, though that could be simply because of all the beatings you seem to be taking, so I'm going to assume that you aren't completely uncultured. And, if you'd like it, I know a secret for getting rid of llamas.
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I could be quite interested in discovering all the nonboring things I might do in New Dehli. You must understand, however, that I will be with my Aunt for the majority of my stay there, if not the entire thing, and will therefore be limited to what interests her - she did pay for the entire experience, after all.
I would be most appreciative if would share your llama-ridding-secret.
-Gabriel
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I. see. So it wasn't New Dehli you felt would bore you, only the company your Aunt keeps. I suppose that makes things a bit better.
And so I will share with you the secret to ridding yourself of llamas.
Garlic. They absolutely hate it. If you place a full clove of it in a perimeter around your tent, spacing it out about every five feet, that should keep them at bay.
If you're having problems with them nuzzling up to you then you'll have to wear it. Or you could always drag it along on a string behind you I suppose.
Parvati
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...
You're suggesting I scatter garlic about myself at all times as thought I'm a superstitious Muggle afraid of vampires?
...
Does it actually work?
-Gabriel
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Yes it works you ignorant man, otherwise I'd not have said so.
Parvati
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I suppose you have a point. Though I doubt you know I was traumatized as a child and the scent of garlic always brings back the anguish of memory.
You might have been lying to a silly Englishman who knows nothing of llamas other than that they stink. You could have found it amusing to tell all your Gryffindor friends that you'd managed to make me act like a foolish Muggle.
-Gabriel
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And that's a rather Slytherin thing to do and I think you fail to remember that I am not a Slytherin. Why don't you try smelling a few of the locals in the area? I'd bet you 10 Galleons that if they live near llamas they smell like garlic.
Parvati
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And he smelt of garlic.
The dog, not Samuel Teddy. I don't think I will ever get over the trauma of seeing my Teddy's disemfluffment from three feet away.
I don't associate with Gryffindors. How am I to know what you will and will not find amusing?
Again, I must ask: Are you sure you've not be addled by your illness? You're suggesting I go about sniffing the natives?
I think I will discuss your suggestion with my Aunt Matilda.
-Gabriel
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However, garlic is still the only sure fire way that I know of to get rid of llamas.
Perhaps, then, you should take us at face value instead of jumping to conclusions. We're known for being more forthright than your house, after all.
And I am sure I have not been 'addled' by my illness! I had the flu, not Malaria! And I was suggesting that you could accept my advice or shove it where the sun doesn't shine, but that I would appreciate it if you wouldn't discredit it simply because of your personal hang-ups.
Hopefully your Aunt is more open than you are.
Parvati
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And Luna Lovegood contraticts your claims. She's a Ravenclaw. She's supposed to know things like that.
But jumping to conclusions is such fun, especially with indignant females such as yourself.
If you're quite positive. I still have my doubts. And now I'm quite confused on the entire llama issue as well. Conversing with you has been rather entertaining, if not precisely productive.
My aunt is the soul of openness. Which is not, I assure you, necessarily a good thing.
-Gabriel
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Besides, I don't think she's ever come across a llama, snorkaks, maybe, but no llama's.
Either way, I don't care at this point.
Smell however you wish, Gabriel Moon.
Parvati
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And Luna assures me that snorkacks and llamas are close relatives.
I smell quite lovely, actually. I was merely complaining about the way the llamas smell.
Now, don't be bitter, 'Vati, dear, but I have never known a female Gryffindor to give up so easily on a point.
-Gabriel
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Do you like everything your relatives do?
And I don't see this as a 'point,' but more of a matter of you putting your own sensibilities above someone else's greater intelligence.
Parvati
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And actually, as all my other relatives are dead, I believe I can say quite definitively that yes, I do like everything Aunt Matilda does.
I see nothing in our conversation to hint at your having a greater intelligence, Patil. Simply an inflated sense of self-importance and an inability to stop while you're ahead.
Kindly don't reply.
-Moon
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I. I'm sorry, I didn't know. Really. It was just meant. Well.
I didn't mean to hurt your feelings offend you, I can be rather. brash at times. I. I'm sure you rather do like everything about your Aunt, and, truly, she sounds like a wonderful woman.
I. I hope this doesn't only make things worse. If you ask me not to I won't intrude on you again.
But, well. Try the garlic, I promise it will work.
Parvati
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Your fumbling apology appears to have worked on my exhausted mind and I am willing to let it go. I know you didn't mean it as I took it.
If you will excuse me, I'm off to try ignoring the llamas for another night.
-Gabriel
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