mood backwards is doom
The more I search, the more I consider... the more I realize the truth. These thoughts in my head... they were not mine. I don't know exactly how they got so ingrained. Maybe I do...
Everyone (I believe) wants to be their best. "Best" has different meanings. I'm not lost, I know what I want to do. Somehow my best has been infiltrated with expectations of power and money. I don't really have strong feelings for either of those. There is a certain need for one. The other is a challenge that I am willing to accept, but do not hunger for. So tell me why has the basis of my search been money and power? Somehow my dream was stolen from me years ago. I can't deny that I want it back. I want it back and I want to make it real. But I can't?
It's easy to see why I hate the search so much. I'm not searching based on my own standards. I have been working hard for the past 2 months on the search, harder than before. There is something I seek, but I am not truly able to search for it. A few times I have attempted this search. Only to be beat down. I looked for a middle ground because I am a painful combination of realist and an idealist. The middle ground was not good enough for the power-money struggle, mainly money.
I try to blame all of the obstacles. Really I am the one to blame. 17 months ago I doomed myself. I am the only one to blame. You might say I'm not doomed. Well, then, tell me how to un-doom. I want to un-doom.
Everyone (I believe) wants to be their best. "Best" has different meanings. I'm not lost, I know what I want to do. Somehow my best has been infiltrated with expectations of power and money. I don't really have strong feelings for either of those. There is a certain need for one. The other is a challenge that I am willing to accept, but do not hunger for. So tell me why has the basis of my search been money and power? Somehow my dream was stolen from me years ago. I can't deny that I want it back. I want it back and I want to make it real. But I can't?
It's easy to see why I hate the search so much. I'm not searching based on my own standards. I have been working hard for the past 2 months on the search, harder than before. There is something I seek, but I am not truly able to search for it. A few times I have attempted this search. Only to be beat down. I looked for a middle ground because I am a painful combination of realist and an idealist. The middle ground was not good enough for the power-money struggle, mainly money.
I try to blame all of the obstacles. Really I am the one to blame. 17 months ago I doomed myself. I am the only one to blame. You might say I'm not doomed. Well, then, tell me how to un-doom. I want to un-doom.