I haven't written in awhile is anybody out there?
When I was in elementary school I had two friends. One good, one evil. The evil girl was more fun, but she use to instigate conflict between the good friend and myself. My older sister gave me her password to classmates. Last night I checked out some old friends. It is so strange how everyone turned out. The evil friend has 2 children and is divorced. She didn't finish high school and never went to college, and this makes me feel much better about my life. I guess I'm not doing so bad. Portland is growing on me. I'm moving in the right direction. I've left the Pizza hole for a vegan food cart. Money is about the same but the product is something I can believe in. I've joined a health club. They have a eucalyptus steam room, sauna, hot tub and pool. I don't think I'm actually going to build muscle or get in shape or anything like that, but damn I love that steam room, and my skin looks great. I've bought my plane tickets for home. I leave Portland forever on December 16th. I arrive in Sacramento stay their for a few days and I'll be back in Chicago on the 21st...FOREVER! Or until I can save enough money to move to New York. That's the new plan. As always my plans are subject to change on a moments notice.
I'm really nervous about moving back. I've been planning the great escape since I got to this town. I've spent the last year telling each new acquaintance that I would be gone by the summer. But now I'm still here, so now I tell people that I'll be here until December, I think I have a reputation for not following through with what I say. I sort of regret ever making plans to leave in the first place. I should have just live in the moment and let what ever was going to happen, happen. I've made some solid friends out here, and lost some flaky friends in Chicago. (Not one of my old friends from Chicago called to wish me a Happy Birthday) And now I'm headed back there. I know the city is where I want to be, but it feels like I'm going to be all by myself again. I moved here and had to go it alone, and now I've lost a year of building those relationships and I'll have to start over again. I'm glad really, that I've lost my old friends. When I was back in March I saw my friend Tara. Tara is a girl that use to work as an admin for the YMCA. She wore pigtails to work and sat indian style during meetings. One day on a whim, she quit that job to go sailing. Now she is miss corporate, works too hard and has schedule time to see friends. Now it seems like she only cares about money and clothes and how perfect her life appears. Back when she was fun and I loved here, she use to tell me that if she were on Sex in the City she would be Charlotte. I never saw that in her until now. Then there is Heather. Heather who coined the term "Clean Plate Club", who you could never get to put pants on, and use to spend 3 nights a week sleeping in my big bed in my crappy studio apartment in the ghetto of Edge Water. Now she has moved to the suburbs with the former quarter back of our high school football team. Oh, and she eats meat now. Even my little sister has changed and moved on. She is planning on marrying the her first boyfriend she has ever had. His family and life is what she wants and her family and her life before isn't worth continuing. I miss my friends. I've lost a year. I'm still the same and I moved 2,300 miles away. They've changed and didn't have to go anywhere.
Maybe that's why I moved away, I saw that the time was changing and moved to never never land. So if I go back, does that mean that I have to become a grown up?
I'm really nervous about moving back. I've been planning the great escape since I got to this town. I've spent the last year telling each new acquaintance that I would be gone by the summer. But now I'm still here, so now I tell people that I'll be here until December, I think I have a reputation for not following through with what I say. I sort of regret ever making plans to leave in the first place. I should have just live in the moment and let what ever was going to happen, happen. I've made some solid friends out here, and lost some flaky friends in Chicago. (Not one of my old friends from Chicago called to wish me a Happy Birthday) And now I'm headed back there. I know the city is where I want to be, but it feels like I'm going to be all by myself again. I moved here and had to go it alone, and now I've lost a year of building those relationships and I'll have to start over again. I'm glad really, that I've lost my old friends. When I was back in March I saw my friend Tara. Tara is a girl that use to work as an admin for the YMCA. She wore pigtails to work and sat indian style during meetings. One day on a whim, she quit that job to go sailing. Now she is miss corporate, works too hard and has schedule time to see friends. Now it seems like she only cares about money and clothes and how perfect her life appears. Back when she was fun and I loved here, she use to tell me that if she were on Sex in the City she would be Charlotte. I never saw that in her until now. Then there is Heather. Heather who coined the term "Clean Plate Club", who you could never get to put pants on, and use to spend 3 nights a week sleeping in my big bed in my crappy studio apartment in the ghetto of Edge Water. Now she has moved to the suburbs with the former quarter back of our high school football team. Oh, and she eats meat now. Even my little sister has changed and moved on. She is planning on marrying the her first boyfriend she has ever had. His family and life is what she wants and her family and her life before isn't worth continuing. I miss my friends. I've lost a year. I'm still the same and I moved 2,300 miles away. They've changed and didn't have to go anywhere.
Maybe that's why I moved away, I saw that the time was changing and moved to never never land. So if I go back, does that mean that I have to become a grown up?