apologies
dont mean youre sorry.
a prayer? or is this just a thought. because i cant ever seem to find me. i have these days that i wake up and everything is frozen. its because im so desperate for something. and now that ive found it. found her. im about to wake up again. then ill find that my whole life has flown by my eyes and youre still away. can you feel my sincerity? my pulse is climbing but this heart has yet to skip a beat. i would have sat there telling you i need you a few thousand times today. but once was enough for you today. ill scream it until my lungs burst. until my eyes finally tear up and tear away. i have always been on this cold floor wanting. waiting. for something i didnt know was there. but i sit alone thinking how ive always seemed to be pretty good and breaking my promises.
the first time i saw you smile i knew. our eyes seemed to meet before. in another life perhaps. i know just how you feel. im not a beautiful person. or at least i wasnt. but in that moment everything seemed to fade away. but ive learned how to hide my beauty deep within. its hard to find with these scars. ive been holding on to whats killing you. let it go. when i look up and gaze at the stars im reminded of that first look. ive never once forgotten. cant you see how much fun we always have? it wasnt long ago. but it feels like that right now months have passed since i last heard your voice. i cant just put it behind me. you sit next to me with drink in hand and a cig in your mouth. the small talk and jokes seem to make this distance grow. i feel back in maine. cold. desolate. alone. im struggling so god damn hard to forget myself. and now that theres a few thousand miles between us theres a fucking million stars out tonight. every fucking ones seems to match the things i hold on to. but ill continue to pray to no one. i pray ill just learn to let go.
i kept asking myself when will this road that ive been on finally lead me home. there never was an end in sight. a fucking end in sight. and in one fell swoop you had a home made in your heart. in one hard look i could tell that you had seen enough useless sunsets. an end in sight. the white lines have no beginning. it seems like theyll never have and end. i just want to get out of here. can i have one fucking day to get things together? cue the piano. i pound the fucking ivory keys against my face. and this road has lead me to you. and you made a home in my heart here with me. truthfully. its more than i ever wanted. its everything ive always needed. but im afraid that by the time i finish this it will be to late. ill crawl back inside my head and hide the things that have taken a lifetime. the things that has taken everything.
so i guess this is what it feels like when i think about you not being a part of my life. you have been the one thing that has kept me smiling. this is my last chance. so ill make damn sure i get it right. my thoughts keep floating up and through my fingers. slipping through before i pin them down with words. i had them there. on my tongue for you to hear. to suck this poison out. my life never gave me anything i ever hoped for. i sat there fucked up and left with nothing inside. i tried to stand on my own fucking feet and ended up face down again. the pavement has never tasted so. so. so fucking useless. i remember this feeling of giving up on my life. i wanted it to be my last breathe. but even before you met me... you wouldnt have let it come to that.
i fail at so fucking much babe. and again ill fail at saying what i almost was about to tell you.
a prayer? or is this just a thought. because i cant ever seem to find me. i have these days that i wake up and everything is frozen. its because im so desperate for something. and now that ive found it. found her. im about to wake up again. then ill find that my whole life has flown by my eyes and youre still away. can you feel my sincerity? my pulse is climbing but this heart has yet to skip a beat. i would have sat there telling you i need you a few thousand times today. but once was enough for you today. ill scream it until my lungs burst. until my eyes finally tear up and tear away. i have always been on this cold floor wanting. waiting. for something i didnt know was there. but i sit alone thinking how ive always seemed to be pretty good and breaking my promises.
the first time i saw you smile i knew. our eyes seemed to meet before. in another life perhaps. i know just how you feel. im not a beautiful person. or at least i wasnt. but in that moment everything seemed to fade away. but ive learned how to hide my beauty deep within. its hard to find with these scars. ive been holding on to whats killing you. let it go. when i look up and gaze at the stars im reminded of that first look. ive never once forgotten. cant you see how much fun we always have? it wasnt long ago. but it feels like that right now months have passed since i last heard your voice. i cant just put it behind me. you sit next to me with drink in hand and a cig in your mouth. the small talk and jokes seem to make this distance grow. i feel back in maine. cold. desolate. alone. im struggling so god damn hard to forget myself. and now that theres a few thousand miles between us theres a fucking million stars out tonight. every fucking ones seems to match the things i hold on to. but ill continue to pray to no one. i pray ill just learn to let go.
i kept asking myself when will this road that ive been on finally lead me home. there never was an end in sight. a fucking end in sight. and in one fell swoop you had a home made in your heart. in one hard look i could tell that you had seen enough useless sunsets. an end in sight. the white lines have no beginning. it seems like theyll never have and end. i just want to get out of here. can i have one fucking day to get things together? cue the piano. i pound the fucking ivory keys against my face. and this road has lead me to you. and you made a home in my heart here with me. truthfully. its more than i ever wanted. its everything ive always needed. but im afraid that by the time i finish this it will be to late. ill crawl back inside my head and hide the things that have taken a lifetime. the things that has taken everything.
so i guess this is what it feels like when i think about you not being a part of my life. you have been the one thing that has kept me smiling. this is my last chance. so ill make damn sure i get it right. my thoughts keep floating up and through my fingers. slipping through before i pin them down with words. i had them there. on my tongue for you to hear. to suck this poison out. my life never gave me anything i ever hoped for. i sat there fucked up and left with nothing inside. i tried to stand on my own fucking feet and ended up face down again. the pavement has never tasted so. so. so fucking useless. i remember this feeling of giving up on my life. i wanted it to be my last breathe. but even before you met me... you wouldnt have let it come to that.
i fail at so fucking much babe. and again ill fail at saying what i almost was about to tell you.