(no subject)
I can't feel it anymore.
It doesn't matter if you say you do, or you are, or you will. Because none of that used to matter, it never felt so empty. So please don't go through the motions anymore, if this is what has changed, then I need to start getting used to it. (It doesn't have to be exactly how it used to be, I know that's impossible. I just want that feeling again, like I needed nothing else.)
Keeping this together feels like work, and it never should. But I will say whatever needs to be said. I will do whatever needs to be done. I will walk in the rain until my clothes stick to me. I will write my papers from 3-5 AM. I will cook, wash the dishes, scrub the bathtub. I will call you. I will call you back. I will wait for you to call me back. I will sit in a room full of people I don't know. I will take the bus to you. I will get out of bed. I'd pour out my liquor, or I'd buy us more. I'd set up my hookah with your favorite flavor. I'd watch your favorite movie. Over and Over again. I'd find you new favorite songs. I'd give us a place to dance. I'd show you my poems.
I would fix this, all by myself. If you want me to I will. I will scream, or laugh, or listen. I will make it the way it was.
P.S. - Regarding an entirely different type of person; I want to talk to you, and know you? Maybe I should just hate you again, because that was kinda fun.
It doesn't matter if you say you do, or you are, or you will. Because none of that used to matter, it never felt so empty. So please don't go through the motions anymore, if this is what has changed, then I need to start getting used to it. (It doesn't have to be exactly how it used to be, I know that's impossible. I just want that feeling again, like I needed nothing else.)
Keeping this together feels like work, and it never should. But I will say whatever needs to be said. I will do whatever needs to be done. I will walk in the rain until my clothes stick to me. I will write my papers from 3-5 AM. I will cook, wash the dishes, scrub the bathtub. I will call you. I will call you back. I will wait for you to call me back. I will sit in a room full of people I don't know. I will take the bus to you. I will get out of bed. I'd pour out my liquor, or I'd buy us more. I'd set up my hookah with your favorite flavor. I'd watch your favorite movie. Over and Over again. I'd find you new favorite songs. I'd give us a place to dance. I'd show you my poems.
I would fix this, all by myself. If you want me to I will. I will scream, or laugh, or listen. I will make it the way it was.
P.S. - Regarding an entirely different type of person; I want to talk to you, and know you? Maybe I should just hate you again, because that was kinda fun.