Friends Only (Filtered away from Con)
Con used to drive his cars so fast and I'd scream in the passenger seat with a smile on my face and he'd grin. I used to hold my arms up in the air as the wind rushed over us. It messed up my hair and blinded me. We were reckless and happy and everything was wonderful. I loved any excuse to get into a car with Con. I can remember late nights curling against him in the car, his arm wrapped around my shoulder.
He doesn't drive any more, and all I've wanted to do for years was get behind the wheel and drive forever. I could now, you know. I've got my license and there's nothing stopping me from getting in the car and putting my foot down and never slowing down. I used to want to do that so much. I wanted to drive away from my whole life. I thought if I drove fast enough then I could escape my whole life and myself. But nothing ever would have been fast enough.
I've seen the blood of everyone I loved. I can't go fast enough to get away from that.
Now that I could go I finally know that I won't. I know where I am now and I'm not going anywhere. No car fast enough and I don't feel like driving.
This is my house. It's been my house since I was born and I'm not letting anything take me away. It's mine and even though it comes with baggage so does everything else. The world is bloody and horrible and there's nowhere I could go that would change that. I won't leave and be weak. I'm stronger now than I was before. In some ways, Pat did that. I don't know if that means I wouldn't change anything. Maybe there had to be nothing left so I could build something up.
This is me then. The only one left who's alive and sane, because Con's not that. If he never gets better then I'll look after him forever, and if I have to do it all alone then I will, becuase I know I can. Because he's my brother and he's always taken care of me. I'll never abandon him, because he never abandoned me. We'll stay together and maybe one day he'll get in the car again and we'll just drive.
He doesn't drive any more, and all I've wanted to do for years was get behind the wheel and drive forever. I could now, you know. I've got my license and there's nothing stopping me from getting in the car and putting my foot down and never slowing down. I used to want to do that so much. I wanted to drive away from my whole life. I thought if I drove fast enough then I could escape my whole life and myself. But nothing ever would have been fast enough.
I've seen the blood of everyone I loved. I can't go fast enough to get away from that.
Now that I could go I finally know that I won't. I know where I am now and I'm not going anywhere. No car fast enough and I don't feel like driving.
This is my house. It's been my house since I was born and I'm not letting anything take me away. It's mine and even though it comes with baggage so does everything else. The world is bloody and horrible and there's nowhere I could go that would change that. I won't leave and be weak. I'm stronger now than I was before. In some ways, Pat did that. I don't know if that means I wouldn't change anything. Maybe there had to be nothing left so I could build something up.
This is me then. The only one left who's alive and sane, because Con's not that. If he never gets better then I'll look after him forever, and if I have to do it all alone then I will, becuase I know I can. Because he's my brother and he's always taken care of me. I'll never abandon him, because he never abandoned me. We'll stay together and maybe one day he'll get in the car again and we'll just drive.