Where Am i Going?
i have been thinking about my life and where i have been and where i am going, spiritually. Especially in light of the book i'm reading and contemplating. i have been reflecting on my life in five-year increments thinking about my faith and how it has developed. When i was five years old, my faith was not a system of beliefs nor a way of life, it just 'was'. At ten, it became more of a simple way of life but not a system of beliefs. However, i noticed at 15, it started to shift from a simple way of life to a system of beliefs. i am not entirely sure why or how it happened, but there was definitely a marked change in my approach to faith and G-d. Perhaps it was because i became more aware of the divide between the Methodist church that i was raised in and the Catholic church that birthed it? Or perhaps it was because i had stumbled upon Calvary Chapel and started wondering what Christianity was really all about outside of what i had been raised in? i don't know. But i DO know that that approach stayed with me for TWENTY years. TWENTY YEARS. Even into my discovery and embrace of Judaism. Is it any wonder i have gone through the spiritual crises that i have experienced?
At 37 years of age, there is plenty of time to start making the shift and i have definitely begun. i can only hope that in 5, 10, 15, 20 years from now, that my faith and practice will be a complete way of life, free to experience G-d in fullness, no longer hampered by the need to find the perfect system, the perfect theology, and to just live with and for G-d.
It is my prayer that my soul find rest in G-d. That i no longer strive to understand everything. That i no longer try to systematically fit G-d into a neat box. But rather that i be humble, simple, and honest with myself and with G-d and to begin striving towards a beautiful and beneficial way of life in my faith. Amen.
At 37 years of age, there is plenty of time to start making the shift and i have definitely begun. i can only hope that in 5, 10, 15, 20 years from now, that my faith and practice will be a complete way of life, free to experience G-d in fullness, no longer hampered by the need to find the perfect system, the perfect theology, and to just live with and for G-d.
It is my prayer that my soul find rest in G-d. That i no longer strive to understand everything. That i no longer try to systematically fit G-d into a neat box. But rather that i be humble, simple, and honest with myself and with G-d and to begin striving towards a beautiful and beneficial way of life in my faith. Amen.