(no subject)
I can't take this anymore... I feel like I'm wasting my time in a useless relationship. I'm getting my hopes up with Eric, that maybe, one second, one day he'll realize I mean everything to him like he does to me. Maybe he'll get the feeling I got last week and told every other guy I ever kept on the back burner that I was in love and none of them ever had a chance...
He tells me he loves me, but as anyone in my position knows, that only says so much. I want some kind of commitment other than what he tells me, when he does talk at all. I want something that shows he thinks of me half the time I'm thinking of him. I leave him little notes in his notebooks for school so he thinks of me and I tell him how much I love and miss him. I buy him little things to show I'm thinking of him even when I'm out with the girls shopping. I want something like that, well he knows what I truly more than anything want and desire, but he's "not ready" which is code for I want to see what else is out there and fuck more girls before I get married to you.
There are times we could sit in silence for hours, except for when I open my mouth. Wasn't this why me and Ed broke up? Didn't I hate feeling obnoxious and like I was talking too much and that he didn't talk back to me because he really wasn't interested in anything I have to say. Grrr I feel like that ALL OVER AGAIN!
And today I ask him "why are you in this relationship?" He tells me "to make you happy." OOOOO OK! Well, then forget about me.. Then he tries to tell me how when I'm happy - he's happy and he hates when we're pissed at each other.. ok? YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION!!! He didn't get it and after I explained how much more serious I am about him, he has nothing to say. I tell him all the time, he knows very well how much I want to jsut get all the bullshit out of the way and just say fuck it to his family that thinks he's too young. My family would support me wanting to be with him and the fact I'm in love for the very first time in my life. I thought I knew love so many other times, but I never knew it until I met him. It clicked with him and I don't want to lose that, but I might have to puch it aside and just be miserable so he can be happy... because I happen to love him THAT much.
He tells me he loves me, but as anyone in my position knows, that only says so much. I want some kind of commitment other than what he tells me, when he does talk at all. I want something that shows he thinks of me half the time I'm thinking of him. I leave him little notes in his notebooks for school so he thinks of me and I tell him how much I love and miss him. I buy him little things to show I'm thinking of him even when I'm out with the girls shopping. I want something like that, well he knows what I truly more than anything want and desire, but he's "not ready" which is code for I want to see what else is out there and fuck more girls before I get married to you.
There are times we could sit in silence for hours, except for when I open my mouth. Wasn't this why me and Ed broke up? Didn't I hate feeling obnoxious and like I was talking too much and that he didn't talk back to me because he really wasn't interested in anything I have to say. Grrr I feel like that ALL OVER AGAIN!
And today I ask him "why are you in this relationship?" He tells me "to make you happy." OOOOO OK! Well, then forget about me.. Then he tries to tell me how when I'm happy - he's happy and he hates when we're pissed at each other.. ok? YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION!!! He didn't get it and after I explained how much more serious I am about him, he has nothing to say. I tell him all the time, he knows very well how much I want to jsut get all the bullshit out of the way and just say fuck it to his family that thinks he's too young. My family would support me wanting to be with him and the fact I'm in love for the very first time in my life. I thought I knew love so many other times, but I never knew it until I met him. It clicked with him and I don't want to lose that, but I might have to puch it aside and just be miserable so he can be happy... because I happen to love him THAT much.