its seems that all i have left is ciggarettes

[echoadelia]

i cant explain how i awake
or why i always feel dizzy

everything is reverse
or maybe its the same

i wake up in a haze
and i want nothing more then to thrash at myself
i wake up and i cant remember why i even bothered
there is no reason anymore
i wake up and i plain and simple have no motivation to live

i stare up at my ceiling procrastinating moving
because if i move i will have to turn on the music
and the music will be lyrics and synth carefully strung together
to tell stories of time passing, broken numb people,
and words that are so sad yet cant explain the excruciating pain
that i for some reason feel

my days are meaningless
i go around pretending everything is fine
even though everyone can tell that nothing is fine
select people that arent scared to push their thoughts
tell me that i carry this cloud over myself
that i am always sad
even when i am desperatly pretending i am not

nothing i do anymore makes a differnce in my mood
i am always neurotically sad.

the hours roll by
excruciatingly slow
or surprisingly fast

when midnite comes around i am happy
because i am then getting tired
my day can then end
and thats all i do is wait for each day to end