Home With a Cold {Rapture} - JxKaoru [LUNA SEA/Dir en grey]
Title: Home with a Cold
Author: echo_plex
Series: Exercises in Pseudofutility [1/?]
Band/Pairing: [LUNA SEA/Dir en grey] JxKaoru
Theme: Rapture [ˈræptʃə]
Rating: PG
Warnings: AU, Assassin!J has a bad cold, Assassin!Kaoru, brothercest (implied), tiny bit of fail humor
Summary: Not all was lost as far as his brother was concerned. He had never really seen it, but there was something in his heart aside from all the ice and muck after all.
Notes: I have the feeling this made no sense. 1/30. They're part of a series within 30emotions but they follow no particular order.
To anyone else, the sight of their younger brother unlocking the door of the apartment and letting himself in with a bag of greasy cheeseburgers and cold medicine --all of this without making a ruckus-- would have been rather normal, maybe even commonplace; but to J, watching the locks jiggle and turn as his brother's face and body entered his visual field was nothing short of a revelation. For as long as he had lived with this Kaoru, the Kaoru he himself had trained, created, had never used a door properly; his younger brother always jimmied the lock, snuck in through the balcony, through a window, through the ventilation system, through the garbage chute -- he even made a hole through the wall to get into the apartment once. Facing the door from the largest couch in the living room, there was no way to hide the unmistakable expression of incredulity on J's face as the other closed the door behind him and kicked off his boots carelessly.
"Hey; I don't care if you're hungry or not, but I brought something for you to down these horrid pills with," Kaoru waved the paper bag at J as he approached the living room where his older brother was, bundled up to his neck with a cup of semi-warm tea in hand; Kaoru's face was as blank as always as he set the bag on top of the coffee table -- the same coffee table J treasured so much yet Kaoru insisted on dropping all sorts of disgusting things on it (even body parts on one occasion). The younger man tossed the bag with the pills to J and upon inspecting the bag where his medicine supposedly was, J discovered why his brother insisted on buying junk at four o'clock in the goddamn morning on a Wednesday -- the motherfucker had eaten some of the pills and he was currently coming back from the kitchen with two beers. J didn't expect his brother to realize that downing a bunch of strong cold pills plus alcohol was not the best idea; he just hoped nothing too severe happened to him later on when the pills took effect.
"How many pills did you take, Kaoru?" There was no thank you yet, no smile of acknowledgment -- the Kaoru he lived with did not do anything without an ulterior motive, so caution was best when addressing his brother. "Ah, just a few," Kaoru replied offhandedly and set down J's beer on the coffee table without clinking glass with glass loudly. "You always say you should test before you buy, so I bought the better ones." The words were nonchalant and rolled off Kaoru's tongue easily, only stopping when the other man tilted the beer bottle and held it to his lips for a long sip. J watched his brother in continued astonishment and either his cold was so bad he was delirious or he really was having this conversation with his brother.
Kaoru nursing him through sickness, acting like a brother, was a close equivalent to having sufficient proof of some loving, gentle deity, that everything he knew about his brother was either wrong or in serious need of a thorough evaluation. If it was indeed the case and his head was not foggy to the point of hallucination, not all was lost as far as his brother was concerned. He had never really seen it since the days where he had taught Kaoru how to hold a gun and empty into a human body without a flinch, but there was something inside his heart aside from ice and muck after all. Albeit surprising, J was not adverse to the revelation; if anything, it relieved that weight in his chest he carried permanently from having turned his brother into the man he turned out to be - a bloodthirsty, remorseless killer without respect for others' feelings, lives or any social norms. There was something that had survived the ravages of cruelty and training, something that echoed that instinct that arose out of flesh, blood and genetic makeup. J was moved to tears by the maelstrom of feelings overwhelming his illness-weakened body, but he hoped Kaoru would dismiss him rubbing his eyes and clearing his throat as part of the flu.
If his brother noticed his moment of emotional vulnerability, he made no mention of it and instead popped a few pills into his hand and pushed them past J's lips without preamble; the elder parted his dry lips to let his brother's fingers push the caplets onto his tongue, then held the half empty cup of honeyed tea to his lips and downed the medicine with the last few gulps of the beverage. Kaoru eyed J's beer longingly for a moment, but did not touch it; instead, he took the empty mug from J's hand, set the pills on the coffee table and needlessly fussed with the blankets keeping J's body warm from the chills that shook his body occasionally. J offered his brother a long look that turned into a soft smile, and though he knew Kaoru wouldn't return the gesture, he could have sworn he saw something soften in his brother's eyes, and for a moment, they reflected something back instead of the usual emptiness.
There has to be something in that heart of his... please, god, anyone, tell me I didn't destroy it all...
"Come lay with me, brother, I could use the company," J told his brother and made a slow gesture for Kaoru to climb on the couch under the blankets with him; Kaoru obliged him without a word and wiggled his way under the thick bundle and pressed close to the body of his older brother. J was running a mild fever and even though he knew he should have his brother get rid of the blankets and stay cool, he draped his arms tightly around J's waist and caressed the exposed skin of his lower back gently, closing his eyes and pillowing his face against the burning chest of his older brother. J threaded clammy fingers through Kaoru's hair and held him as close as he could without suffocating himself. He could feel himself sweating and shivering, but at that point he wasn't sure it was from sickness anymore. His brother wasn't a complete loss and while what was done was irreparable, there were fragments of emotion that survived even if Kaoru never really knew how to express those feelings nor make sense of them.
"Icalldibsonyourbeer...ifyoudon't...drinkit," Kaoru's words were muffled and slurred against his chest and that was likely to be a result of the alcohol and the cold medicine. That was such a Kaoru thing to say... it was so typical he wanted to laugh, but all he managed were a few more quiet tears and he stopped them by closing his eyes and letting the chemical lull of the medicine take him away to a similar place of unconsciousness to his brother's. He was holding the Kaoru he had always held, kissed, beaten and loved, but there was that other facet of Kaoru for whose survival (and/or existence) he had hoped for and prayed that was a mystery to him as well. it was Kaoru and it wasn't, but instead of scaring him, it was oddly comforting.
I hope this part of you is not just a hallucination, brother.... I really hope it's true - I don't want to look back and see myself, your sworn protector, your brother, as the ruin of you. Thank you for the pills, by the way; It was sweet of you, but you bought the wrong ones, brother... I have the flu, not a sinus infection....
But Kaoru didn't need to know that. It was the thought that counted, no?
"Anything you want is yours..."
My heart, my penance, my rapture, my peace of mind and joy. Anything to see more of this you, brother... anything.
Author: echo_plex
Series: Exercises in Pseudofutility [1/?]
Band/Pairing: [LUNA SEA/Dir en grey] JxKaoru
Theme: Rapture [ˈræptʃə]
Rating: PG
Warnings: AU, Assassin!J has a bad cold, Assassin!Kaoru, brothercest (implied), tiny bit of fail humor
Summary: Not all was lost as far as his brother was concerned. He had never really seen it, but there was something in his heart aside from all the ice and muck after all.
Notes: I have the feeling this made no sense. 1/30. They're part of a series within 30emotions but they follow no particular order.
To anyone else, the sight of their younger brother unlocking the door of the apartment and letting himself in with a bag of greasy cheeseburgers and cold medicine --all of this without making a ruckus-- would have been rather normal, maybe even commonplace; but to J, watching the locks jiggle and turn as his brother's face and body entered his visual field was nothing short of a revelation. For as long as he had lived with this Kaoru, the Kaoru he himself had trained, created, had never used a door properly; his younger brother always jimmied the lock, snuck in through the balcony, through a window, through the ventilation system, through the garbage chute -- he even made a hole through the wall to get into the apartment once. Facing the door from the largest couch in the living room, there was no way to hide the unmistakable expression of incredulity on J's face as the other closed the door behind him and kicked off his boots carelessly.
"Hey; I don't care if you're hungry or not, but I brought something for you to down these horrid pills with," Kaoru waved the paper bag at J as he approached the living room where his older brother was, bundled up to his neck with a cup of semi-warm tea in hand; Kaoru's face was as blank as always as he set the bag on top of the coffee table -- the same coffee table J treasured so much yet Kaoru insisted on dropping all sorts of disgusting things on it (even body parts on one occasion). The younger man tossed the bag with the pills to J and upon inspecting the bag where his medicine supposedly was, J discovered why his brother insisted on buying junk at four o'clock in the goddamn morning on a Wednesday -- the motherfucker had eaten some of the pills and he was currently coming back from the kitchen with two beers. J didn't expect his brother to realize that downing a bunch of strong cold pills plus alcohol was not the best idea; he just hoped nothing too severe happened to him later on when the pills took effect.
"How many pills did you take, Kaoru?" There was no thank you yet, no smile of acknowledgment -- the Kaoru he lived with did not do anything without an ulterior motive, so caution was best when addressing his brother. "Ah, just a few," Kaoru replied offhandedly and set down J's beer on the coffee table without clinking glass with glass loudly. "You always say you should test before you buy, so I bought the better ones." The words were nonchalant and rolled off Kaoru's tongue easily, only stopping when the other man tilted the beer bottle and held it to his lips for a long sip. J watched his brother in continued astonishment and either his cold was so bad he was delirious or he really was having this conversation with his brother.
Kaoru nursing him through sickness, acting like a brother, was a close equivalent to having sufficient proof of some loving, gentle deity, that everything he knew about his brother was either wrong or in serious need of a thorough evaluation. If it was indeed the case and his head was not foggy to the point of hallucination, not all was lost as far as his brother was concerned. He had never really seen it since the days where he had taught Kaoru how to hold a gun and empty into a human body without a flinch, but there was something inside his heart aside from ice and muck after all. Albeit surprising, J was not adverse to the revelation; if anything, it relieved that weight in his chest he carried permanently from having turned his brother into the man he turned out to be - a bloodthirsty, remorseless killer without respect for others' feelings, lives or any social norms. There was something that had survived the ravages of cruelty and training, something that echoed that instinct that arose out of flesh, blood and genetic makeup. J was moved to tears by the maelstrom of feelings overwhelming his illness-weakened body, but he hoped Kaoru would dismiss him rubbing his eyes and clearing his throat as part of the flu.
If his brother noticed his moment of emotional vulnerability, he made no mention of it and instead popped a few pills into his hand and pushed them past J's lips without preamble; the elder parted his dry lips to let his brother's fingers push the caplets onto his tongue, then held the half empty cup of honeyed tea to his lips and downed the medicine with the last few gulps of the beverage. Kaoru eyed J's beer longingly for a moment, but did not touch it; instead, he took the empty mug from J's hand, set the pills on the coffee table and needlessly fussed with the blankets keeping J's body warm from the chills that shook his body occasionally. J offered his brother a long look that turned into a soft smile, and though he knew Kaoru wouldn't return the gesture, he could have sworn he saw something soften in his brother's eyes, and for a moment, they reflected something back instead of the usual emptiness.
There has to be something in that heart of his... please, god, anyone, tell me I didn't destroy it all...
"Come lay with me, brother, I could use the company," J told his brother and made a slow gesture for Kaoru to climb on the couch under the blankets with him; Kaoru obliged him without a word and wiggled his way under the thick bundle and pressed close to the body of his older brother. J was running a mild fever and even though he knew he should have his brother get rid of the blankets and stay cool, he draped his arms tightly around J's waist and caressed the exposed skin of his lower back gently, closing his eyes and pillowing his face against the burning chest of his older brother. J threaded clammy fingers through Kaoru's hair and held him as close as he could without suffocating himself. He could feel himself sweating and shivering, but at that point he wasn't sure it was from sickness anymore. His brother wasn't a complete loss and while what was done was irreparable, there were fragments of emotion that survived even if Kaoru never really knew how to express those feelings nor make sense of them.
"Icalldibsonyourbeer...ifyoudon't...drinkit," Kaoru's words were muffled and slurred against his chest and that was likely to be a result of the alcohol and the cold medicine. That was such a Kaoru thing to say... it was so typical he wanted to laugh, but all he managed were a few more quiet tears and he stopped them by closing his eyes and letting the chemical lull of the medicine take him away to a similar place of unconsciousness to his brother's. He was holding the Kaoru he had always held, kissed, beaten and loved, but there was that other facet of Kaoru for whose survival (and/or existence) he had hoped for and prayed that was a mystery to him as well. it was Kaoru and it wasn't, but instead of scaring him, it was oddly comforting.
I hope this part of you is not just a hallucination, brother.... I really hope it's true - I don't want to look back and see myself, your sworn protector, your brother, as the ruin of you. Thank you for the pills, by the way; It was sweet of you, but you bought the wrong ones, brother... I have the flu, not a sinus infection....
But Kaoru didn't need to know that. It was the thought that counted, no?
"Anything you want is yours..."
My heart, my penance, my rapture, my peace of mind and joy. Anything to see more of this you, brother... anything.