(no subject)
What I wouldn't give to be the person I used to be.
There's so much that's changed. I think about it so much, and I know I shouldn't. I know that all of these things have happened for a reason, yet I feel like they could have been avoided. I want to change so many things. Yet there are a lot of things now that I don't want to change. I haven't had these feelings for a long time. A year, really. More actually. My heart is content yet disturbed at the same time. The person I trained myself to fear and avoid is dating one of my best friends. There is no reason for me to be afraid of him anymore. Yet this is strange to me. It's all too strange. All I really want is to be with her. And I'm ready to go to any length to have that feeling back. Anything that I have to do to find what I gave up so long ago... I'd do it in a heartbeat. I miss the safe feeling I used to have, the feeling that made me feel so alive, made life seem all the more tolerable. I don't have a problem with my life the way it is now, I just wish that I had more control over it. The past specifically. It's time to stop that though... Wishing doesn't mean anything in this world. The people who live are the ones who dream and follow it. The ones who don't are the ones who wish on stars hoping for the perfect life to fall into their laps. I wish it was that simple... ha, it's too easy to say "I wish"...
There's so much that's changed. I think about it so much, and I know I shouldn't. I know that all of these things have happened for a reason, yet I feel like they could have been avoided. I want to change so many things. Yet there are a lot of things now that I don't want to change. I haven't had these feelings for a long time. A year, really. More actually. My heart is content yet disturbed at the same time. The person I trained myself to fear and avoid is dating one of my best friends. There is no reason for me to be afraid of him anymore. Yet this is strange to me. It's all too strange. All I really want is to be with her. And I'm ready to go to any length to have that feeling back. Anything that I have to do to find what I gave up so long ago... I'd do it in a heartbeat. I miss the safe feeling I used to have, the feeling that made me feel so alive, made life seem all the more tolerable. I don't have a problem with my life the way it is now, I just wish that I had more control over it. The past specifically. It's time to stop that though... Wishing doesn't mean anything in this world. The people who live are the ones who dream and follow it. The ones who don't are the ones who wish on stars hoping for the perfect life to fall into their laps. I wish it was that simple... ha, it's too easy to say "I wish"...