(no subject)
i don't even know what to type right now. i told tim what happened lastnight. i knew he'd be mad at about, but fuck...what does he want me to do about it? i felt worthless enough before this happened, and believe me, now i know i am...and he had no problem pushing it in my face , again and again by repeating the fact that it happened. and this whole bring up the past bullshit that he said was a low blow....FUCK THAT FUCKING BULLSHIT. he thinks he hurts now??? knowing that i wasn't good enough for that time being he was with her....and the fact that he said he must not be on my mind a lot since i kissed travis...what am i supposta think when he was with her for how many MONTHS? he held some one else, he touched someone else, he kissed someone, he slept by someone else he shared all those feelings with someone that wasnt me....how does he think me knowing all that makes me feel? i'v let all that go, tho sometimes i still think about it and it really hurts, but i love him and i don't ever want to think about not being able to have him.
i give up. i don't know how many times i tell someone that im worthless, and not worth the time.... i just hope he realizes that now. that he can do better and have anyone he wants.
as for me, the rest of my day will be spent in my bed with my head under my pillows, my door locked, my phone shut off, so i can drown in my own guilt and sorrow til whenever the fuck i feel like it. i told you im not any kind of material for anything. im not meant to be happy or have anything close to it.
i give up. i don't know how many times i tell someone that im worthless, and not worth the time.... i just hope he realizes that now. that he can do better and have anyone he wants.
as for me, the rest of my day will be spent in my bed with my head under my pillows, my door locked, my phone shut off, so i can drown in my own guilt and sorrow til whenever the fuck i feel like it. i told you im not any kind of material for anything. im not meant to be happy or have anything close to it.