Wondering...alot
Lets hope this doesn't start a riot. I just want to write what I'm feeling, what I'm thinking and hope that nobody reads too much into this.
The last two weeks have been a blur. I've found myself associating with new people and yet drawing away from people at the same time. I haven't been lying to but avoiding subjects with both my psychiatrist and my parents. Both very unlike me. I was however very honest with Audrey and therefore got my ass planted for the 4th time into the hospital. Even though I knew I needed to be there, this was the one time I truly didn't want to be there and did everything possible to get out. I'm scared and I don't like to show that, my psychiatrist tried scaring me (and it worked) about taking my meds and told me if I don't I will most likely end up in a psychward for the rest of my life (or something like it). Thats a nice vision to have in your head everyday. Makes me feel as if I can't do anything right, and if I do forget a couple doses will that send me too over the edge?
I'll leave it at that for now, since its 3:48am and I'm going to attempt the sleeping thing.